Continuing with the topic of
Related Journey to Life BLOG posts:
First I am going to walk through the patterns of dreams and imaginations and desires for superpowers I’ve created since childhood.
Starting with childhood, not even directly about TV series but it is related with that – on the way how the MIND moves while I as the being is STOP-ped – so I MOVE myself backwards here THROUGH the layers of memories, thoughts, feelings, reactions and I DECOMPOSE, RELEASE, REMOVE all the connections, relationships what is in my current phase of my life is not necessary, such as positive and negative polarities and duality of the mind – I am clear that I can live without the prison of the mind – direct, physical presence as the Living Flesh – through and as the Living Words – so I walk through the Layers of Consciousness as Words and I Forgive everything unconditionally. This is simple, this is who I am, this is what is here.
As a kid – I’ve experienced myself as small, thin, inferior, weak, poor and by that I was frustrated, angry because I had to do repetitive, robotic and quite limited things because of lack of money, because of teachers, because of grownups fears, because of my own fear and I felt myself really uncertain and anxious but that would made me emotional – however being emotional seemed really as a weakness, a real MAN is never emotional, always firm and stable – so I did not go into emotions much – rather I’ve suppressed it and built layer upon layer of definitions, justifications, excuses and blame of why I am the one who with is being screwed, innocently, and that felt like a negative experience so I daydreamed, focused to stories, tales wherein there were people who were better, more smart, more unique, more special and I reacted to those things with positive reactions.
Cartoons, comic books, fantasy and science fiction even horror were mostly the areas I’ve went into – not just the mainstream of Lord of the Rings and Star Wars but some darker ones as well such as Lovecraft’s Cthulhu Myth and Alien stuff – I’ve read so much fiction that many times I was not even aware of my physical – wherein I was growing up in a little village with my poor family while I had to work at home for instance cutting wood for making fire, provide for animals such as chicken, pigs and I always did that as work for have my entertainment time to ‘fly’ with my fantasy worlds. Later on came in computer with gaming and programming but reading and daydreaming remained for quite long – and we watched TV, we had VCR and I watched so much stuff, violent ones and erotic ones as well meanwhile I did not even considered doing things in real – as I was closed, suppressive, internalizing until the end of high school when I realized I can actually go into interaction with women and things what I dreamed about, mostly danger and excitement first with rebelling and anarchy and some tendency to self-destruction as well.
So that was the phase I mostly formed my personality towards what I currently have with TV Series and Movies.
Let’s walk here.
- I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear from remaining who I experience myself to be in this moment and having the fear remaining of who I am today, I will ever be.
- I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that I am little, small, thin, physically weak in comparison to grownups and other kids therefore feeling inferior, insignificant and fearing from remaining so until the end of times.
- I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself in a way what is based on any polarity in regards to positive and negative and never ever realizing/seeing/understanding that polarity has always two sides – positive and negative and if I go into any of these – I manifest and create and being responsible the outcome of it just the opposite so then by that starting point I am missing myself because I move in the realm of the mind while I am not here.
- I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compare myself towards other people and defining according to definitions, polarities, using physical size, using opinion and fear to measure who I am and defining myself according to my reactions towards my definitions without questioning myself or others with common sense.
- I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame my family, the system, humanity, government, my mother, my father and my grandma, grandpa for being poor, for not having money, for needing to work and survive and do things what felt uncomfortable, tiresome and feeling inferior and hopeless when realizing that with out lot of money this is all what we can have.
- I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel frustrated and angry for what I have to do and experience as a child in terms of surviving and working with animals and the environment to have warmth, food and comparing my conditions to those who have money and simply can buy these things without needing to do anything.
- I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that having emotions is weakness and as a real man I should always have clear and clinical mind to be able to always use logic and that is who I am otherwise I would be fogged out with emotions and feelings what I’ve seen in parents, grownups and within the fear of becoming like them I wanted to separate myself from feelings, emotions.
- I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear from being lost within the reactions what I’ve defined as negative and dark and uncomfortable and wanting to polarize, equalize that with feeling positive, having reactions within associated with good and defining who I am according to what I’ve defined as good, positive.
- I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to define myself as positive and as good, as unique, as exceptional, as unusual as I could, regarding to what I read, what I’ve seen in cartoons, movies, TV, books, comics and defining that as more interesting, fascinating than my real physical life wherein all I had to do is learn from the system, work for having things and the real fun always seemed just when I was able to daydream, fantasize, read and watch, react and re-experience realms, events, dimensions, worlds and experiences what seemed as more positive, interesting, free and powerful.
- I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define entertainment as a reward for working and positive and defining these two within polarity such as work as negative for the experience of entertainment as positive.
- I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use thinking and thought-patterns to stimulate myself by reacting to words and images with positive and negative energies and using that constantly to accumulate feelings and energetic experiences of positive of entertainment to suppress reactions defined as negative of physical-related experiences of work, commitments and participations.
- I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define reading, watching cartoons, videos, series as interesting, fascinating because in the moment I do that – I am in fact not working, I am in the phase of positive, which means I am not in the phase of negative, so then already it feels good, whatever I do in the starting point of entertainment.
- I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear from acknowledging the fact that within entertainment I escape from physical reality in order to avoid facing facts and my already existing energetic reaction definition-based thought-memory-personality patterns of negative in order to focus to positive, to accumulate positive and never considering the realization that this is denial, this is refusal of who I really am in and as physical reality.
- I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react to the word ENTERTAINMENT with positive, with feeling of release, feel of reward, feel of letting go steam, feel of good and escape from reality.
- I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become addicted to the energetic experience of entertainment, to the reactions towards my existing relationships to the word, to the actions based on entertainment.
- I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define who I am according to entertainment.
- I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define entertainment as who I am and as a way for giving myself positive and defining who I am as somebody who needs positive, requires to experience positive.
- I forgive myself that I have never considered the strive and need, actually the addiction towards feeling positive as why it is existing and what is the starting point for that and who I am as lack of and missing to the experience of positive.
- I forgive myself that I have never ever questioned what is actually means as ‘positive’ and what I define and react as ‘positive’ and why.
- I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to automatically accept the feeling positive without questioning it how I’ve manifested and have been created to be this man who I am today with my existing relationship with the word ‘positive’, the feeling of ‘positive’, the associations of ‘positive’ and the memories, reactions, feelings of ‘positive’.
- I forgive myself that I have never considered to slow down within by and as myself without any substance, without any external stimulus to the degree of being able to see the actual creation of ‘positive’ reactions within me and be able to understand it’s relationship with ‘negative’ and seeing that aspect of the equation, the whole, entire picture, dimension, matrix of my personality.
- I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become addicted to suppress the reactions of negative and defining feeling negative as bad and defining feeling positive as good and building up myself according to this rule without being aware of all of these is a misunderstanding of who I am and by that who I actually am not.
- I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define my physical reality living as not interesting, looping, repeating and boring compared to the stories within books, comics, TV, Movies wherein it’s all seem to be fascinating, unusual, unreal, more free and everything possible.
- I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define my physical living as negative and defining the experiences through entertainment of imagination and reactions towards the comics, books, TV, Movies as positive.
- I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define and identify myself with the experiences I have and the energetic state of the experience such as positive and negative.
- I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear from experience, fear from consequence of experience because defining experience as more than myself here by allowing it to influence, direct, control me by my own created and accepted automatic reactions towards each experience without questioning, realizing that I am the source here.
- I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define books, movies, stories, fantasy, science fiction, TV series as more interesting and more fascinating than my physical living and defining as more important than considering what is physically here by defining experience as more important than facts.
- I forgive myself that I have never considered that who I am today is of the influence of positive and negative experiences and none of it is real and as my starting point of the polarity of the mind as separation from what is here is of the mind and not real – who I am as starting point in this physical is not real meanwhile what I actually do here is real.
- I forgive myself that I have not considered to live directly here without daydreaming, fantasizing and actually living myself directly without the need for separation, escape and strive for positive by facing the reason of escape from the experience of negative and investigate negative and realize it is not real just as the positive reaction based on only opinion, memory, image, picture, based on fear, based on desire, based on books, comics, TV and Movies.
- I commit myself to decompose all positive and negative aspects of my mind, my perceived life and realize all of opinion, of fear, of desire in the starting point of separation of what is here as physical reality.
- I commit myself to face reality here and embrace it as who I really am and let go all opinions and all reactions of positive and negative and stop escaping from facts with thoughts, feelings, emotions, daydreaming, memories, stories.
- I commit myself to investigate the experience of ‘positive’ and ‘negative’ and align myself with direct physical experience and disregard definitions, thoughts, feelings, emotions, memories, opinions of the mind.
- I commit myself to stop fearing from experience and realizing that experience is of myself but I am not experience – experience is just an experience – will not last – I am the physical, flesh, breathing, action, expression.
- I commit myself to stop the tendency to avoid negative experience, to question the definitions of ‘negative’ and see the whole construct of polarity and stop both sides and embrace and unify everything here as presence as undefined expression as Living.
- I commit myself to purify myself through Self-forgiveness with and as Words and become the Living Flesh here directly as the Living Words as equal as one as I say, as I act, as I live within oneness and equality.
- I commit myself to re-align myself through and as Words as All as One as Equal as Life here in and as the Physical.
- I commit myself to stop the addiction to positive, stop the addiction to entertainment and stop the addiction to the mind.
- I commit myself to stop the polarity of work as negative versus entertainment as positive.
- I commit myself to enjoy whatever I do as self-direction within the starting point of direct expression without the mind and re-defining myself according to what is best for all.
to be continued