[JTL 111] Waking up as moment as me – Part 2

Continuing on

Investigating what thoughts come up and the position lying in the bed what brings up.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think when I wake up in the bed about the women who rejected me and think about women I’ve rejected.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to regret that I have been rejected by others and I have rejected others within not being absolutely sure as my decision and thinking about possibilities as ‘what if’ within hope and not realizing hope is against action, against common sense and not practical, not real and within the energy reaction towards the images towards hope I am disregarding what is here and escape who I am in and as physical.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think when I wake up about the job parts at my workplace I have to do, solve and in fact those are areas what I am not experienced, comfortable and judged as complication and difficult and boring and by those relationship feeling heaviness and resistance.

I forgive myself that I have not realized when I go into thinking when I wake up in my bed and speeding up within my head already, by default without being aware of my human physical body here.

I forgive myself that I have not realized that I am disregarding my physical presence when I wake up in the morning and I think about things I am not absolutely sure about.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize/see/understand why exactly I allow a specific thought-pattern in the morning when I wake up and not act immediately.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define as good when I wake up in the morning and I can stay in bed and think-about, and not realizing that I am not just ‘wake up and be here’ but actually I am imagining, reacting to what is already gone and based on that projecting images towards my perceived future and reacting to that according to who I’ve defined myself to be.

I forgive myself that I have not realized that when I wake up I am not moment as me as Life but as consciousness systems programmed to be stimulated by the circumstance of I am in the bed after waking up regarding to what happened with me before.

I forgive myself that I have not realized that within thinking in the bed when I wake up – I am responsible for becoming tired because tiredness is already existing within and as the mind as energy.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear from not having energy to wake up in the morning if I do not participate within the thoughts of mind, the feelings of mind, the emotions of mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think/define/believe that fear gives me energy to face things and overcome tiredness and dullness and using it as a motivation and not realizing that fear is of consciousness and not Life as fear, specifically fear in the bed to face something today is of and as the mind – not real, not here.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use desires and positive energy reacting to the desire to use to fuel me, to energize me, to move me, to motivate me and not realizing that this energy is same as fear – that without it I can not be moved, motivated, energized, fueled within the belief of energy of mind who I’ve defined myself to be by the relationships between words and my reactions toward those words.

I forgive myself that I have not realized when I wake up that the reality of me is here breathing as the physical and disregarding this presence is disregarding who I really am as equal as one reflection that I do not trust myself here, I do not trust in what is here, what is here because I trust opinion, definition, relationship of mind consciousness, which is of energy.

I forgive myself that I have not realized that the only energy I require is physical energy, to sleep, to rest, to eat, to drink and any other energy is of and for feelings as the mind consciousness system which is the layer through I am separating myself from being directly here in all moments with and as all what is here equally.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear from face the fact that without energy I am nothing, nobody and I defined myself untrustworthy without energy therefore the fear from lack of energy kicks in and moves me towards reaction within the mind to have energy and the solution is to slow down and say NO, NO, NO to each inner movement, regardless of how small that movement is – I say, do and stand as STOP and I breathe and I direct myself within disregarding the strive for energy of reaction, I stop reaction, I remain here, I breathe.

When and as I wake up in the morning – I am becoming aware of my human physical body – I am here as breath, I am here as my hands, feet, toes, my head, I am calm, relaxed, I am able to remain empty, stable without thoughts, energy.

When and as I think about something in the bed in the morning – I stop it and I remain empty – I let it go – and I am breathing and within each breath I observe, notice, direct myself to see becoming empty, feeling the body, feeling this emptiness as myself undefined.

When and as I would feel to becoming excited from the awareness of being empty naturally and deepening this presence – I remain calm, relaxed and I let go excitement, I let go any definition and need to react how much I am present, empty, clear – I am simply here within consistency.

When and as I think about something in the bed in the morning – I stop it and I remain empty – I let it go – and I am breathing and within each breath I am more and more aware of my human physical body.

When and as I have a specific reaction within my mind based on a posture within and as my human physical body – I see it, I realize the starting point, the self-dishonesty and I breathe, I let it go and within understanding I correct myself physically to not react automatically based on the physical posture – stimulation – programming – automation.

I commit myself to allow myself to remain here, calm, relaxed and empty, silent without fear, without excitement and investigate and correct each thought pattern one by one until I am here within consistency.

I commit myself to develop a constant, stable physical presence and see, realize, understand and stop each automation arising within physical participation and stopping each and deleting all parts of mind personality and allow myself to trust myself in and as the moment without trusting something what is separate from me in terms of not being aware of.

I commit myself to share my process of physical self-realization through Self-forgiveness within Self-honesty how I am practically stopping all thoughts of mind of separation with common sense.

I commit myself to return to my breath, each breath, unconditionally, constantly, consistently and not stopping correcting my physical until I am fully here as breath as Life.

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