[JTL 104] Fake fashion, Make up: My story and Self-forgiveness part 1

Hundreds of posters like this in London, Hackney Wick

Walking every day in Budapest downtown I see many(more and more) women are wearing make-up and I always reacted to this and it is time to stop the mind and make my stand to remain undefined and be LIFE.
So let’s decompose what I accepted and allowed to be:

I never really liked the whole beauty industry and it was always clear to me that actual girls, women are really becoming fucked up by comparing the brand/media/film/beauty industry-promoted images with how they look and make them react and to compensate their lack of self-esteem, self-trust, self-integrity and inferiority, they fall into the temptation of actually spending money to things what are obviously not healthy, strengthening mind-reactions, fear and not only disrespecting real woman values but actually making beauty something what can be boosted with money and craft, however the real beauty for me was always the actual disregard of any polarity/comparison of whole concept of beauty as it creates ugliness and judgment/separation and always exposes being existing in fear what for me was always like turn off from enjoying beauty as the whole thing is just an experience and only can be enjoyed if priorities are alright, meaning in the danger of death I never care about beauty even about the mythical woman in red dress…

What people do not realize just like with movies that there might be some seconds talk and how they appear: as cool and nice and in fact many people worked on for maybe days/months to sound cool and look awesome with lots of time(and money!). And they record it from dozens of angles and re-record the speak many-many times and it is might not be natural at all. And in post-production a little reverb in the speak make them sound more theatrical and with state of the art visual specialists being payed: in fact anyone can look just anything they like her/him to be seen.
So that within advertisement and films, videoclips and photos can be really deceiving, especially for the generations who grown up with TV and magazines always telling who and what are nice. That influences people, especially who use thoughts, memories, pictures to express themselves to be.

So that goes also with clothes/shoes/boots I’ve defined as whore-ish and when I had a partner back there who was really nice for me by defailt and I saw her clothed like craving for acceptance and positive affirmation and in fact sex – I always was like “WTF girl you have in your head, your ego needs to die utterly” –  and I just disliked the whole concept of trying to boost beauty with these things as spiky high-heels and white-transparent-camel-toeish revealing pants and stretched nipple-showing shirts and all those things and of course it is me who reacted within but then I realized as I enjoyed it on screen, I did not really enjoyed it with my partner(it was in about 2006) so I always made her naked asap I could and she was just more beautiful like that for me…probably that’s why I went to the whole hippie nudist lifestlye after all, to just be as natural as possible without any hiding and manipulation…
I went to the other side of judgment-polarity obviously but the thing what I defined as positive is that you can immediately see what you can get, no hiding, no games, no manipulation with stripes and padded bras and cockteasing bikinis: strange but after everyone is naked it does not fascinates my mind that much – in fact I can see how each pussy is kind of the same, so then what? I can focus on their beingness and see who they actually are. Of course there are some who also use this to manipulate and lure the mind but not that is the ‘normal’ in that scene but more likely ‘I accept you as you look just as you are and you accept me as I am’ was for me. Meaning here how people actually look, not how people attach positive energy reaction to self-definition of feeling good being naked among others as that is freedom or any other fall into the mind to tell me what is what instead of directly experience(because then that is the same as with clothes and money). But anyway, if one uses common sense, after backtracking points: money always comes in as directive power – that’s why we promote an Equal Money System wherein each can have a life to enjoy first and when everyone is supported, then the rest of the ‘resources/energy/money’ can be played with but real love and compassion and beauty would be to feed everyone.
Alright, back to the city, every day subway scene, decolletage at my face with narcotic perfumes in the face: I smell bullshit(and lot$ of money) here!

Even there is a part within what was was like this when I was younger: – I am simple, normal, quiet guy, I have no common ground and even chance with those ‘worldy sexy rich bitches’, so I formed a reaction that it is really bad, at least for me.

That also assisted me to see it more as it is with the analytic mind of ‘well how to judge them as bad, well, use logic and not just say bullshit but try to prove my point’ so then I came to the conclusion that:

  • fashion is always about money, clothes, uncomfortable, body-abusing heels and even in -20c cold wearing skirt thing is so dumb for reaction from men{ and women}
  • make-up makes women with no make-up pale and grey 
  • make-up also is about money and low-self-esteem and lack of self-trust
  • natural beauty exists as not by comparison but self-confidence and self-expression
  • on screen with huge and hot lights for filming actually make-up is required to not look like being in oceanic tropical hot jungle
  • clothing bitchy fuel perv & rapists mind and objectifying women and brainwash kids that these are the important values, not the real love as equal sharing goods with everyone etc
  • not even going into the animal testing part as lots of companies still do that what is absolutely unacceptable

So ranting on these I revealed many as I have formed myself with lots of judgments(among with some what are FACTS) what I walk through here to see what I can stand with what is best for all:

Self-forgiveness: Self-definition about women, reacting to:

Make-up

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define women as fake who put on make up and wear obviously uncomfortable clothes, shoes and thinking that she must be really screwed up within to wear that mask to try to make others to love her because she does not love herself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to dislike perfumes of women especially those who put on so much I barely can bear it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel sorry for the face of the women who I see put make up on remembering thinking those substances on the skin going into the body, the blood, the brain wreaking havoc in cells.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define a woman who has makeup immediately as a no-go for considering for a relationship.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that women using dark eye-paint in their makeup that they look like from addams family and thinking that it must harm their eyes and feeling really the opposite of sexual attraction towards them what I think they want to make feel.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that women who go out walking the dog while wearing ridiculously bold and unnatural make up that they must be extremely screwed up within.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define make up only cool for special occasions or acting in movies and when seeing somebody in make up I do not really know that they might go to a special occasion or to act in a movie but I still think it is highly unlikely.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to automatically feel positive and sympathy for a woman who does not use make up even it means she does not concealing lack of geometrical perfection within the details of her face.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that a woman who wears make up every day can not be ‘normal’ and defining all women who even I notice wearing a ‘basic’ make up, they must be lost and fearful within therefore not considering them as beings as equal as me but as feeling pity for them.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel like wanting to laugh at the women’s faces who wear make up sometimes because I feel like I want to laugh at the demon within them what is of fear and the beauty demon what they feed within and as themselves and not realizing that it is of my judgment I face, my demon I want to poke.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself who I am as if I want a partner then definitely somebody who does not wear make up or at least every day for sure not and by that limit myself and judging myself for that.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that reacting to makeup actually I am reacting to my self-definitions and nothing to do with the woman’s face and the woman’s beingness but only myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into conflict within by judging and reacting to make up at all and not realizing that I can have a point where to stand within decision and then simply express without going into self-judgment and never realizing that I go inner conflict regarding to make-up because I see that my definitions of it and about it is not clear, self-honest.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear not standing firmly within my decision as not wanting to be with a woman who uses makeup by not being sure that with this decision I can have my partner I want to be and also fearing that with this decision I might actually miss the point meaning wearing make up does really matters that much or I just react to my self-definitions as fearing from my belief becoming true that the woman who uses make up might be screwed within and I do not want to be part of that.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define make-up as something what I must react with negative feeling.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define make-up as bad because defining and thinking that the woman who puts that up must be and probably is fears from not being beauty enough and defining beauty according to media and brainwash and then by that defining her being brainwashed, lost.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to worry and fear from not being aware of if a woman has make up and then defining her attractive and believing that I react to herself as defining her as ‘naturally she is like that’ meanwhile what I adore is her skills and the money she spent on to look like that and the company and all of the things that they did in order to make the product and by that supporting deception, abuse and mind fuck.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel positive by defining that I am glad I am man and not woman and not realizing that it’s starting point is fear from how I could act if I were be woman and not realizing that by separating myself from women I actually support fear and deception what is the starting point of women fall into the whole make-up stuff.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hate beauty industry and the whole thing that they have lot of money to pay for placing photo-shopped and lots of design and make up-ed women picture all over the city with brands to lure women into inferiority by giving them something to compare themselves with as picture through and as the mind and induce doubt, fear, inferiority what they want to compensate then with the product, believing that if they buy the shit then they will be beautiful and not needing to feel not beautiful and inferior.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel angry towards these huge ‘beauty demon industry’ posters and neon-lighted glasses with apparently beautiful women pictures what are teasing, sexy and wanting to smash these and destroy as being aware how much shit these create within women and men as well by defining normal and nice these what people see every fucking day over and over and over again and feeling angry because feeling myself helpless because everyone accepts it and even myself, only feeling shit about it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to overcome anger towards media industry by wanting to find a partner who is just beautiful without any makeup and expensive shit and not realizing that I am already lured into the polarity game of the mind of ugly and beauty and wanting to go to the sunny side, the light, the positive as feeling better when reacting to image what seems beautiful.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that the only solution from this is to accumulate self-stability, self-direction and educate myself and others about what are the real values and to actually stop the mind and assist and support others who are walking the same process to stop the mind of polarity, of energy, of separation, of fear, of self-dishonesty.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge those who fall into the trap of fashion and thought-image-feeling-reaction into and as the mind instead of taking responsibility for and as them as myself as equal as one and see how I am falling into the reaction of polarity of thoughts of mind and realize that in fact from Absolute Self-honesty, it does not matter what is the picture, great looking synthesizer for instance for me: the reaction and energy what is not the physical is the same.

Wow this is kind of a deep topic, I stop it here today, more points, Self-forgiveness, Self-correction will be shared…


Meanwhile educate yourself and others at EQAFE.COM about how the mind and reality and existence and animals and the whole system works to stop being the whore of energy of self-interest and be LIFE and what is Best for all!

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