Some native language Self-forgiveness I will write meanwhile I write on composing and perfecting and compressing the current post for Drugs & Paranoia Research and other writings. I actually enjoy it but takes time and then I realize – nobody yet written about that before with this starting point so I find it to be important and supporting for myself and others so when realizing it: I find it to not being difficult to work on it for hours.
I’ve noticed I am effective within writing when I take turns – first the draft, second is structuring and third is finishing the points. At least.
Mostly I write my blog in one sitting – I sit down, I write it and I share it and if I have some time I might re-read it on Networkedblogs via the subway and correcting the bigger mistakes.
But I’ve accumulated some dissatisfaction within me by allowing some parts and some points to be not perfect – in terms of walking points fully or leaving typos and misspellings or even the sentence not being simple and clear even for myself, what is unacceptable, so then I do not share when it is not yet ready.
But in the meantime I could write some Self-forgiveness and Self-correction at least in my local language – that is also faster and more simple because I am natively speaking/writing in Hungarian – meanwhile with English I am comfortable with already but still sometimes finding words/meanings and making grammar and meaning-related mistakes. It takes time and what is time but Decision – I have time for what I want. Of course beyond my working hours for money. But at times when I write daily I see that I have a slight inner movement within that ‘I should continue my music exploration’ and ‘I should learn more animation’ and even ‘I should edit/cut more videos’ meanwhile I see that within prioritizing writing Journey to Life and Agreement Course is THE priority. Time. Always limited.
Before I was accepting myself when I had guests or I had activities what took my whole night, that then I did not write. But recently I’ve pushing myself into direction that I write every day – at least in the morning I wake up and a half an hour – but then that is not enough.
Also within walking the Agreement Course assignment – I write quite some and not many times I share from that, only when specifically wanting to share.
But I see that I’ve stabilized so much within writing – and even my Hungarian has improved as I write English the structuring of words – and recently only writing in Hungarian only when writing long emails to local people I know – and I see that I also improved by that so I will write Self-forgiveness in Hungarian for a while meanwhile the Paranoia Research and other writings will be in English.
In the meantime I realized I had issues and problems with working on my ‘art’-related projects by wanting to ‘fully’ work on those for instance for a full day but that was very rare and I’ve realized that it was an excuse to not progress by subconscious resistances.
I mean I’ve set up a high-end audio equipment at home and my only excuse now is that there is more priority to use my time for the writings but I’ve realized that with video I’ve moved beyond this limitation as I am able to just load the video project, work on it for some minutes/half an hour and then closing it and actually I am able to progress with those… So if I really want, then with music I will be able to do so…For instance it took a half year to finish a video clip but now it is done still could be better but it is acceptable for me(what is something lol)- and I’ve worked on it quite a lot but never more than 1 hour in a session and now I see that there are about a dozen video projects I am doing and randomly I progress with some – and also I’ve noticed that whose I am being asked by and in fact ‘pushed’ by others – I see as ‘threat’ for my ‘fragile’ schedule and writing commitments so I rather not do those by myself unless the person is taking the time and come to sit with me and then we do it together – however some of those projects has ‘deadline’ and I’ve decided to finish those so I will find time for those anyways – yet still keeping the writing as priority.
Okay, so this is it.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to schedule my time according to common sense and prioritizing the tasks based on Self-honesty without inner judgment/conflict.
I forgive myself that I have judged myself that if I want to do something then I am able to do it only when I do not do anything else on that day what is way too much and in fact is excuse for not doing it at all meanwhile I’ve proven to myself that I am capable of doing things from time to time slowly but surely.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to share posts in my blog as imperfect meaning allowing typos, grammar mistakes and even not understandable sentences because of rushing and hurrying and being tired and not being present while typing and not reviewing it.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to justify and by that skip sounding Self-forgiveness and Self-correction and Self-commitment and projecting it doing so in the future wherein in fact I will have an other ‘new’ post what with I do the same and not realizing that within Sounding my words I am able to see that am I equal and one with the words or not and if not then I will face the lack of specificity within time looping the Self-dishonesty and then I will become aware of that part of the same point meanwhile I could make sure to walk it properly within absolute Self-honesty in the first time, what is common sense.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear from not having enough time and fearing from not being who I defined myself to be because not having enough time to do things which by I could define myself as doing so therefore my personality being experienced as ‘real’ as who I’ve defined myself to be and not realizing that all self-definition is based on a certain fear what if I do not realize how I’ve created, I am the result of my self-dishonesty until I do not realize and stop.
|Desteni I Process LITE -free-|