Let us walk through the Self-dishonesty expressed within the previous post to see the already manifested PROBLEM within and as Self as faced as PARAnoise of and as mind of thoughts:
Apparently this might not seem directly related to drug but as within Crime’s journey to Life: Crime against Life: Drug use blog series also showed: it is about the self who is taking the drug. So as mentioned some paranoia before – I give an example how to start to open to practically be Self-honest within these points to actually start realizing who we really are and why these things come up automatically within ourselves in moments such as being drugged.
I forgive myself that I have not able to consider, never allowed myself to see/understand/realize that I can directly move myself – without strategies, tactics, methodologies, stimulation with what I made myself react in a way I want to move myself indirectly – instead of directly equal and one I am movement as Self here.
I forgive myself that I have never allowed myself to realize that how practically move myself directly in and as the moment without the noise of the mind, the paranoia of I require anything else than myself to direct myself.
I forgive myself that I have never considered the possibility and the availability to directly explore who I am and what is going on here and what I am supposed to do without external influences, without external stimulation, without any substances directly, here, constantly and immediate.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself who I am and how I react according to external circumstances such as having a private area or not, having people around me or not, hearing loud music what stimulates me or not, how the people are behaving – by these I am exposing myself already manifested as automatically reacting with self-definitions what currently is who and what I am so until it is not stopped – I am not directing myself therefore:
I forgive myself that I have never considered the common sense to stop influences directing me based on already existing and accepted and gave permission to definitions within me regarding to where I am who I am with and how I experience myself as mind-state.
I forgive myself that I have never considered to explore practical ways to stop being defined by and as circumstances, others, effects of substances and drugs and directly experiencing, directly expressing, directly accessing myself as constantly being here without any separation, any path to reach or feel myself who I am here.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think, believe and conclude myself to that I require chemical, mind-altering substances in order to realize who I am, what I am doing and what I am supposed to do because directly here I’ve defined myself and programmed myself into and as automatic reactions what with I give permissions to my systematic aspect of me to not being able to experience, express, direct myself in and as the moment unconditionally.
I forgive myself that I have never considered that I’ve concluded to use psychedelic drugs in order to have an experience of myself because I’ve programmed myself to not be able to direct myself to being intimate and self-honest with and as myself and by the energy of the drug, the effect to the mind, the experience of the ‘drug-trip’ I want to change, shift, alter myself as mind and not realizing that it is because I’ve defined myself as the mind and given permission to the mind to be who I am and be defined and influenced and directed by and as self-definitions what I can not see/experience/direct/stop to access who I am as myself here directly therefore wanting to need something to overcome/to alter/to stop this distance from myself what I’ve defined who I am and by the drug/substance/trip I want to understand/stop/transcend without understanding how I’ve created it, how I am maintaining it and how I attempt to fight it with and as energy.
I forgive myself that I have never realized that the energy of the mind can not be stopped to be influencing/directing within and as me without understanding to the utmost specificity of how I’ve created it/why I’ve created the energetic experience through thoughts/judgments/feelings/emotions/personalities/characters what I gave permission to my mind to use them to define/direct and in fact be me because I could not find/access/experience myself directly here what I experience as an absence, hollow, imperfect what I want to overcome/stop with the starting point of not working but I do not realize it is not working.
I forgive myself that I have never considered that the drug effects/affects the mind and the mind is the very manifestation of my self-dishonesty within specific practicality about how and why I’ve limited myself so if I use the drug to to hide into the mind or entertain myself within the mind or even try to stop the mind: it is self-dishonesty.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe within those who walked before me and published writings/speeches/movies/art about how they were able to use drugs to transcend and never realizing that they might be wrong and I wanted to believe and I wanted to have this way working so I hoped within and I projected this that if I am lucky this might actually work to be free with the drug and when I was able to experience myself differently – I judged that as freedom already simply by being different and not using common sense that I am still of and as self-limitation within and as the physical and an experience will only help and assist me to see what must be done in terms of how fucked I am within and as the mind but it never can actually help or do for me the job itself what is required to walk without the drug moment by moment to walk through the self-accepted relationships of words by what I define and limit myself and practically stop each specifically within the full understanding of how I’ve created, why I created delusions.
I forgive myself that I have never allowed myself to realize that the reasons and circumstances I’ve defined as ‘good for’ taking drugs is the result of self-definitions, self-limitations as part of the religion of self as personality as matrices of characters what I’ve used to live instead of me, automatically.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that paranoia is that when I face a judgment within and I can not stop it and I stuck and I make it believe and eventually I believe it as if it would be real and by that and my initial judgment towards it I react automatically without questioning it.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that paranoia is when I listen to thoughts of mind, feelings of mind and emotions of mind to tell me how I feel, what I should do and who I am because in the moment I do not want to see/experience/realize/understand/live the fact here who I really am as manifested self-dishonesty.
I forgive myself that I have never allowed myself to realize that making habit of taking a drug is paranoia because by the experience induced by the drug I want to experience reality and myself based on the alteration what it makes within and defining it as preferable and interesting and cool I am not aware of that it is to hide from myself how directly I would experience myself here without the noise of the mind induced by the drug.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as not really being a party boy meaning feeling discomfort and uncertainty and awkwardness at parties because I’ve defined myself as I am not this type therefore in order to balance out/equate up this energetic experience what automatically activates when I am at party – there are other automated definitions and judgments are being activated/experienced as specific thoughts/feelings/emotions what I am not aware of and I do not acknowledge it and I do not even want to see/hear/realize because then I would become aware of that all is of to hide the original self-judgment what is that I do not know who I am and I do not know what to do but by these definition-judgment-experience-chains I am experiencing energetic movements and I am able to move within party apparently determined therefore judging myself as I do know what I do and therefore judging myself furthermore as being aware who I am as what I do.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that by judging party as cool and useful and psychedelic I’ve gave it positive value and by that defining it worthy and by the worthiness I equate out the fact that I do not feel comfortable and myself at party.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that I can direct myself, I can access, experience/explore/express myself in any moment if I am self-honest with myself and any judgment is self-judgment projected towards what is perceived to be real but is not.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that the only real is my body and what I do physically here and how I am breathing and what starting point and principle by I am expressing myself.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that the more I judge something the more I experience it separated and the more I give permission to my mind to automatize myself to judge the subject of my judgment by simply seeing/hearing/touching things/beings and therefore automatizing reactions and then judging this automation of judgment as reality and myself and then by judging that whole process as life meanwhile I am completely missing what is directly happening here within and as the physical as myself.
List of paranoia:
I am giving some examples what through one can start explore one’s SELF, these are some of mine to give reference
- Paranoia from being busted by police/authorities
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear from being busted by police and not using common sense that is it really a possible scenario and if so then I simply calculate the possibility and if happens then I am able to say: I was aware of it, I’ve prepared, I’ve defined it worthy to have a chance and then when it would happen then I would be simply here without fear because to fear from it until it does not happen and not doing anything to avoid it is not practical and in fact self-honest – and when it happens then it is happening already directly so therefore nothing to fear from it – at least meanwhile thinking about the consequences and fearing from those because of losing of something – but that is also self-dishonesty.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that I will be lucky and I won’t be busted and having a fear from it and trying to balance it out with an other inner reaction of thoughts/feelings/emotions by ‘if it will happen, then it had to therefore it is better to give permission to ‘fate’ to decide what will happen.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that going against the government and if it finds out it – it will always be inconvenience, punishment and rejection because the government is the very reflection of my mind as myself and doing equal and one with me what I am representing currently as relationship with my mind.
I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to use common sense and take responsibility for myself and if there are, then for others who might be involved with the consequence of being busted, restrained, punished by law enforcement and using energetic reactions of hope to balance it out and not realizing that hope is always a complete delusion when it is not practical and I did not do anything I could to PREVENT what I hope to be avoided.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that PREVENTION is always the BEST CURE because it is always the simplest to STOP before things become physically manifested – and after it consequences will be physically here what can not really be prevented anymore because by and as the mind things once directed into and as physical manifestation – that will remain here.
- Paranoia from being awkward, behaving strangely
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear from being awkward and fear from behaving strangely and fear from someone would notice that I am high because then I would fear that I would be busted.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to take responsibility for what I am doing in any moments because I feel like I have to hide what I am doing because I fear from consequences.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself how I behave and how I act and fearing that I am not acting properly therefore others judge me as strange and awkward and defining who I am based on how I think others judge me and not realizing that it is irrelevant and anything I think others would judge me is in fact myself only.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear from being judged by others as awkward and therefore having the starting point at times that I think that they judge me as awkward and then as I think it, I do not want it yet I am not fully sure that they actually think it but then I am lost from here as real and I have conflict within as having the fear from being judged by others meanwhile I am judging myself and projecting out.
I forgive myself that I have never considered to accept myself and trust myself unconditionally and if required taking time and effort to remove any conditions what blocks me to accept and trust myself within consistency.
- Paranoia from judged as not acceptable, outcast, weirdo, ugly, unattractive, crazy etc
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as not accepted, outcast, weirdo, ugly, unattractive, crazy etc by defining others as acceptable, normal, nice, attractive and having a definition about what is normal and what not meanwhile not realizing that what I define is only my momentary interest and subjective and never real.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to listen to thoughts to tell me who I am and who others are and not realizing that within trusting thoughts, I am not trusting myself here and the very judgments I accept and allow within is the result of specific self-dishonesty what I missed to realize, understand and stop participate by not being here, not being aware of why and how I react within automatically.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that the very judgment of being outcast, not accepted, weirdo, unattractive, crazy, ugly within me for me indicating that I want to be accepted, normal, attractive, smart, nice meanwhile for some reasons I’ve did not acknowledge I came to conclusion who I am based on these judgments meanwhile I am simply who I am as being here, undefined, physical, direct.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become addicted to constantly judge myself within time loops as not accepted, outcast, weirdo, ugly, unattractive, crazy because of the energetic reaction within and accepting and defining myself that this is me meanwhile I am giving into the energetic temptation of resonant fear from being aware what I directly am doing as not being here but obsessed with ideas based on fear escaped within my mind wherein having the perception that I can not be touched, I am myself and me however not considering: never real.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that if define myself as inferior within by defining others as superior automatically – I am the result of accumulation of self-judgments programmed into flesh and to stop it requires decision, dedication, consistency and understanding how I did it and expressing the inversion of it – meaning not participating within is required to accumulate to direct my physical to let go the programming.
Paranoia from doing something what is BAD for somebody else because I am not really myself being extremely twisted by hallucinations/delusions/realms/dimensions
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear from doing something what is BAD for somebody else because fearing from losing my direction of what I do and within allowing myself to do things automatically actually not trusting within me that I will not harm others by defining myself as I might harm others without being aware of it.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to automate myself with thoughts, feelings, emotions and trust within these instead of myself here and giving permission to self-automation to direct, control me and within that not trusting within my own self-automation therefore not trusting within myself here and my self-programmed automation as well here therefore not trusting within really anything but not acknowledging to myself that I switch trust from one to another before realizing I do not trust myself and my mind either therefore I am confused, within fear until I do not walk practical application to stop myself in which I do not trust within consistency.
Paranoia from harming myself in a way that I am not aware of for instance winter time not taking coat while being in the snow on acid – it does not seem relevant however it matters for the body
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to trust within myself that I can experience what is bad for my real part as physical body and become obsessed within the mind with experiences which through I am deliberately disregarding how I really feel, what is supporting and what is not supporting me here.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to stop within following thoughts, pictures, feelings within common sense as self-honesty and experience myself as physical directly and being overwhelmed to an extent that I can not take responsibility for my human physical body.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to disregard to be aware when it is cold, very cold, freezing cold while being on acid and focusing to everything else but my physical body, as skin, as temperature, as common sense and even thinking or judging that I am alright and I will not get cold because I do not feel it bad and only after the experience of high will go I will realize that my body has severed from disregarding it as equal as one as regarding what is not here as experience within the starting point of self-dishonesty.
- Paranoia from becoming too high, taking too much, what will be inconvenient/unpleasant/surreal/creepy
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to use common sense and my brain to actually investigate what is too much and what is real what is not real and taking refugee within experience rather than what is directly here and judging, defining, reacting to it as separated from me, actually being lost within the experience of judgment and defining real only the process of inner judgment and reactions to it as other judgments with reacting to the words of inconvenient and unpleasant and surreal and creepy.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that my human physical body has limits what if I do not consider I can harm it with overwhelming, overexposing to substances what actually make me experience my inner reactions and perceived mind as real meanwhile the only reality is how and who I am physically being, acting, living.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as being too high meanwhile not realizing that there is a polarity within myself as defining based on my interest of what is enough high, not enough high, too much high based on judgments, experiences and experiences of judgments without being aware of my responsibility and in fact act of power I give into self-automatism through thoughts, feelings, emotions.
- Paranoia from not becoming enough high, taking too less, the stuff is not strong enough
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to defining when I am enough high by defining myself as experience based on past, memories, pictures, images, sounds, meanwhile comparing my current reactions to previous judgments and defining who I am in the moment in relation to the interest of wanting to be ‘properly’ high what is of self-definition.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not acknowledge to myself that I fear from taking the drug meanwhile wanting to be high and meanwhile fearing that it will not have effect, not having enough effect on me therefore I must remain who I do not want to be defined by myself automatically for what I do not have direct power to but with substance I can catalyze my mind to change perception of who I am.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear and become paranoid from disappointment to not have the experience what I expected to have based on the substance, the money I’ve spent on substance, based on what the one promised who gave it to me, based on my previous experiences meanwhile not realizing that within these judgments I completely disregard who I am here as breath, as physical, as Life.
Paranoia from meeting someone who with my relationship is different, for instance a boss or parent of a friend, a girl to I wanted to be presentable as smart and not violently stoned for instance.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not take full responsibility for who I am in each moment for everyone without self-judgment and defining values towards people by playing personality and character and fearing from people’s judgment of how they would react if they would see and experience me meanwhile I am high on drugs by fearing losing them or their friendship or fearing being exposed of what I actually do and being paranoid of this thought of someone I know might appear and not being able to let this go especially if once it happened already by judging me and the place and the chance that it might repeat and then I will be screwed and not realizing that this is not real, I can stop reacting within fear by considering chances and decisions and actually do something or not but not being able to stop thinking and fearing indicates that I am not really myself fully here but of and as already manifested systems of fear.
- Paranoia from losing my papers/phone/money while having wild party for instance trance dance on acid
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear from losing valuables what I have with me because while being on drugs or doing intense movements I might not be aware of losing the things and thinking about it or checking of still having it or not constantly and not realizing that if I fear from it and I do not ensure not to happen I am responsible for a pattern to react to with fear based on who I allow myself to be.
I forgive myself that I have never considered to prevent things to happen when it is simple and obvious and then I can practically stop worry and be responsible and ensure that the outcome will be what I want – here that I do not lose my valuables for instance by putting it to safe place or using pocket what will not be open.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to allow fear and thoughts to what I react is fear to overcome and direct me and not realizing that paranoia is when I experience the fear and I allow it and I allow myself to be driven crazy as possessed with the fear and the reactions to the fear without being able to stop and use common sense.
- Paranoia from someone approach me and wants to talk with me
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that I can be directive and self-honest with me in each moments by default and if someone approaches me to talk and if I do not want to I can express myself so directly.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear from not being able to speak or speak properly when someone would approach me while I am being on drugs and thinking about it and fearing from happening without realizing that I’ve lost my self-direction and I can re-align myself to stop fearing and I can be practical and if someone approaches me and I can not or not want to talk, I can express myself so.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear from being judged as crazy, nuts when not being able or not want to talk to someone who approached me however I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to consider that if I do not talk to someone when approaches me or I try but can not then there are consequences as others might react with their beingness who they are and I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that I can not direct situation fully with others especially when I allow myself to be directed by drugs therefore the only think I can do is to use common sense and take responsibility and take the drug and take my chances or not take the drug and direct what I’ve defined as important but to think about it and become paranoid about it is self-dishonesty and there are ways to stop being so.
- Paranoia from the idea of no one wants to talk with me
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to listen to thoughts to tell me who I am and how I am and be influenced by the para noise of the mind of no one wants to talk with me and then reacting to this with emotions, feelings, sadness, bitterness by defining myself unworthy and judging myself as worthless and not considering to stop and investigate the starting point of such inner judgment.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not be aware of that I want to talk with someone by definition and when unable to judge myself as doing so I experience conflict within between who I define I should do and who I experience myself doing and then I judge that I am not what I want to be what I define as bad therefore this bad to I react within and then generating feeling of sadness instead of directing myself to stop and remain here.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that if I want to talk with somebody then I can direct myself with no judgment to actually approach somebody who I want and simply talk.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become paranoid by listening and defining myself through and as the noise of the mind as thoughts, feelings, emotions meanwhile I am here, I can direct myself to do or not do things without the backchat within and it is not self-honest to actually go into the mind and talk to myself based on judgments made in the past.
- Paranoia from losing myself in any way whatsoever
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have develop a paranoia within based on self-judgments about an idea of I can lose myself in any way whatsoever meanwhile the only reason I can come up with this if I listen to thoughts and disregard my physical body what is always here, where I am actually.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that fearing from losing myself means that I define myself who I am according to thoughts, feelings, emotions what to I’ve given permission to come and possess me automatically, based on circumstances, reactions and allowing me to tell me who I am and how I am and what I am meanwhile completely disregard common sense and self-honesty to be aware of who I am here in and as the physical where my body is busy breathing.
- Paranoia from a girl wants to be with me and I can even barely talk
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that if I am paranoid from possibility that a girl would want to talk to me and I fear I would be to do so means that I want to be approached by a girl to talk and I allow myself to be defined by judgment of I can barely talk meanwhile it is an assumption based on memory.
I forgive myself that I have not been self-honest with myself in terms of I allowed myself to experience desire for to be approached by a girl to talk because I defined myself that I can not approach because I’ve defined myself as I can not talk but still holding onto the idea that it would be great to be approached by a girl, even when in fact I can not talk and not be able to direct myself to decide what I want: to be high to a degree to not be able to talk or to talk with a girl and not being able to use common sense and direct myself to decide what I want and then just reacting to myself and to outer impulses and not realizing that I am not here but of judgments, of judgments of judgments manifested as fear, worry, paranoia.
- Paranoia from screwing my mind permanently and ‘losing it’
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become paranoid of taking drugs I might become screwed permanently and losing it meaning losing my self-direction because heard/read/listened to stories when someone went crazy/screwed/lost it apparently by taking drugs and remained so that could not stop reacting with the same loop within what started on drugs and fearing that I might be like that.
I forgive myself that I have never acknowledged to myself the fact that I’ve given permission to thoughts, feelings, emotions within to automatically come and influence, possess, direct me and never considering that these are the noise of the mind what if I listen to and get used to it and not direct myself to use common sense, self-honesty, self-forgiveness to stop one by one, then I am in fact lost it, lost within myself but I can decide to let go of what is not real by disregard and stop and remove each and every single inner reaction one by one and using the tools of writing, sounding, applying self-forgiveness and direct myself to change.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear from damaging my brain, my body by taking too much chemical substances what would harm my body, my ability to be normal, to operate preferably and not being the director in my life to PREVENT overtake, to be responsible for my body as myself as equal as one.
I forgive myself that I have never considered that what is to be normal and operate preferably is but of self-definition of self-interest based on opinions of who I must be and if my automatic inner reactions as thoughts, feelings, emotions as internal feedback system would reflect back to me that how judge how I experience myself is not how/who/what I want to be experienced then I judge it and myself as I am not normal, preferable and not taking self-responsibility for what I am and what I created as myself by the accumulation of thoughts, feelings, emotions but blaming the drug, the substance for what I has become and never realize the common sense to actually dare myself to direct myself to stop each inner reaction of fear of paranoia practically.
- Paranoia from being photographed while on drugs and being published on social media/websites
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to take responsibility for each moment of my life equally and fear from to be ashamed, judged, punished by others if the world, the system, people would realize what I actually do and how I actually look while being high on drugs and not considering that if I go to public place there is always a chance to actually be photographed and it is irrelevant how I think about it how I stress myself with the reactions about it but to look that actually what I can do about stopping the paranoia within of thoughts, feelings, emotions in the first place and if the fear is so extent then using common sense to decide is it worthy or not and if decided as worthy then taking the risk.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define who I am within as perceiving how others judge me based on picture presentation of me such as photo, video, sound recording and believing that what other things about is influences me but not realizing that I’ve missed to see/understand/realize that in fact I influence myself by the paranoise of the mind and lost common sense and practicality within fear of being exposed who I am in and as all moments.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to consider to actually do something within self-honesty and not of and as fear of paranoia about not being photographed if I do not want it yet not even considering why in the first place I do not want to be exposed.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear from being ridiculed, judged as screwed or simply as unattractive and then fearing that people would define and box me like that therefore not being able to be who I want to be because others would judge me differently and that I’ve given permission to allow myself to judge and influence me.
The same way is with Self-correction. I write and script up how I stop and PREVENT myself to go into direction what is not Self-honest and I’ve already realized and want to be aware of – want to slow down the automation and see in and as the moment and take responsibility.
“I must LIVE the correction in the moment when the self-dishonesty comes directly – and I MOVE, I STOP, I REALIZE, I LET GO – not the drug makes me doing so. That is different.”
So then I write a possible screenplay what would be the best when for instance I fear from someone approaching me to talk when I am unable or not want to:
When and as I start to react to the fear of what if one would want to come to talk to me – I realize it is a fear as memory and it might actually happen regardless of I think it – so rather than I take responsibility and see that do I want to talk or not and if not then take responsibility for ‘this time I do not want to talk’ – or this time I will talk – and if not working then I will say okay, enough.
When and as I fear from being judged as rude or being rejected as unwanted because in the moment I do not want to talk – I use common sense what is more important – the decision to walk to not talk or to consider the other to talk and I do not think about this and I do not become unsure – I just decide and act – and if I change myself then I can express doing so.
When and as I fear I can not talk to somebody I see within myself why I am unable to talk to this person and open myself up to see without judgment.
When and as I go into the fear within about somebody wants to dance with me – I let it go, even if it means I literally stop for a moment and I remain here.
So that can be practical way to assist and support oneself to prepare and script up for being able to stop paranoia, stop reacting to inner judgments.
When and as I disregard what is here, what are of my sense, what my direct beingness I represent as expression as who I am and going into thoughts, feelings, emotions, I realize, become aware, I remember that these are patterns what I’ve walked already, I’ve already made the decision, expressed dedication to change, to stop – I am letting go the hope and belief that following thoughts, feelings, emotions I actually live, I actually solve and I actually realize therefore I commit myself to not participate, not react to it, yet not use any force, but directing myself to let go the thought, feeling emotion whatever it says, no matter what is the topic – I trust myself here as breath of life.
When and as I fear that without drug I am unable to explore and enjoy myself I realize it is a perception and it is accumulation of acceptances and allowances one by one and whatever big it seems to be, the simple math of 1+1=2 assists me within focusing always to the most bugging point I face as self-dishonesty and work,transcend,remove that until it’s done and then the next point I do not look after, I express myself here and if self-dishonesty I see, I direct myself to stop.
When and as I fear from not being able to let go the drug because of judgments and justifications come up within me – I realize the drug is only catalysator for already manifested issues within me what I suppress/boost, therefore if I want to stop it is common sense to investigate myself without drug.
When and as I experience paranoid thoughts about being busted – I realize it is my responsibility for what I do and I should take it as who I am whatever it is and consider what is best for me and for others equally and acting that within common sense I can learn to trust myself – and to risk going to jail is mostly possibly not the best way to do so.
When and as I fear from things I do not have power over especially when being high – I let go fear.
Understand that this thing can not really go on while actually taking the drugs meanwhile – because this is NOT a guide for how to take drugs, it is NOT a tool for how not to become paranoid by taking drugs.
It is for those who are able to realize that the decision has been made to stop the noise of the mind and experiencing how unreal to trust in any experiences while being on drugs mostly – because one is mostly not absolutely self-honest, mostly “not seeing the forest from the trees” how we say here around – and there are exceptions and there are ones who can actually use the drug for unrevealing SHIT as SYSTEMS of MIND to realize in what extent we are SCREWED already – but who experiences lalala-land and beautiful rainbows and enormous love and joy and happiness – that might not really assists one within self-realization.
So this topic is for Self-realization, no matter what, even if it means to let go ALL what we happened to realize until this moment, meaning ALL – even the definition of ‘table’ or ‘cup’ or ‘duck’ can and should be questioned as all our definitions are interconnected to many others and the ‘association’ and ‘creativity’ is nothing but a graph of already programmed personality system what might be personally cool to experience but it is not what it means to be fully here because self-definition requires disregard of what is here therefore if one focuses to inner self-creation of reactions of thoughts, feelings, emotions – that is not real.
So it is absolutely a serious point of Self-honesty about the drug question and to realize how extent we are already living in the paranoia of the mind – and when one takes the drug – and the mind is not empty – then that already ‘contained’ inner judgment set will be amplified, twisted on drugs, alright?
So Self-correction for specific situations can assist and support oneself to script up and remember and be aware, and actually make the body learn to be deprogrammed as self and actually living that in all moments.
When and as I fear on drug, I stop it might seem valid – it is not specific enough – it is like to say when somebody attacks me I protect myself – it is not really matters – I must learn my body to react to specific ways in certain scenarios for example to deflect a punch with real practice – not enough to read about it, not enough to write down my decision.
So these are some examples how to START to explore what is the reason for the specific paranoia. By taking the direction of and as SELF here to investigate and not just accept and allow every inner reaction but to dare one self to actually become aware of the starting point of each thought/reaction and see and question: is it really relevant?, is it really matters?, is it really who I am or is this with I want to live as myself within a specific perception/belief/opinion?
And within writing Self-forgiveness one is able to draw a map of one’s mind, how is it reacting to what and why. Writing Self-forgiveness is a Self-expression which through we can develop practical, consistent Self-honesty to explore practical Self-intimacy to go inwards within ourselves to see is this really what I want to stand for and as in my life? Can I embrace myself as existing currently until my last day on Earth? Can I take responsibility for what I accept and allow eternally? What is the best for me? What is the best for all? These questions can be and will become relevant once one starts to practically apply Self-honesty and actually see what is NOT in fact Self as Life and the responsibility is to stop what is Self-dishonesty – regardless of drug, regardless of other people, regardless of anything.
Once one starts empowering oneself with real Self-honesty and the dare to actually STOP what is Self-dishonest – the drug becomes less and less relevant(if it seemed to be).
To see what is actually happening within and as the mind while on drug and what is what of paranoia – and not accepting that by default, not just choose distraction, or more force(more stuff) – but actually investigate – writing, talking, expressing it – what remains and can be cross-referenced – to see what is the reason of specific paranoia and to see that ‘I can stop it if I understand it and how I created myself to do it actually’ is the first point and Self-forgiveness can assist and support to explore Self-honesty and to take responsibility for what ‘I do realized but not wanting to do again because this is not who I want to be within Self-honesty’. And to see that did I only write Self-forgiveness or actually LIVING it here in the moment unconditionally?
Quite a cool self-reflection within practical expansion of awareness.
And if one perceives that requires to take high amount of mind-altering substances in order to ‘break through’ and ‘dig into’ and ‘have a grasp’ – then it is obvious that this opinion is already of self-definition of limitation what one wants to break through by not actual, direct Self-movement within Self-honesty, but the FORCE of the drug, the experience, the energetic frequencies within and as the mind what will not last and all the reactions experienced meanwhile can be and should be questioned as if one’s starting point as the mind is tainted with Self-dishonesty and based on self-definitions of self-interest – then even with the HIGHtening experience of drug: the starting point is the same, therefore all is just a perception.
To explore what it means to be really real entails constant, consistent expression of being in this world but not of this world.
To be continued…
Meanwhile you can check out EQAFE wherein there are some assisting interviews for a better understanding of the energetic mind and how we allow ourselves to be trapped by our own self-dishonesty: