Expanding on the previous post:
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that I am limited by what I think or what I define or what I said as conclusion or remembered as ‘choice’ I’ve made what apparently I’ve decided in my past regarding to the way I am able to learn and study.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and define and remember myself as somebody who has a limit about how much words/sentences can remember and that I actually have a limit about how big amount of words I can remember for short and long term as well.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define my limit to remembering and being able to recall sentences up to 3 based on my memory and past.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define difficulty to remember words and sentences when there is no picture, no bold parts are in the text or the text does not direct similarity with my personal life’s memory.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to read and understand sentences only within what I understand all word’s meaning.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to skip sentences and words what I am not aware of it’s definition therefore filtering out and not even remembering it being in front of me.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to filter out in my reality as knowledge and information what I defined as I do not know, what I’ve limited myself about it as I do not understand by self-judgment before giving the opportunity to myself to use my natural learning ability.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become frustrated and anxious about when seeing, hearing, reading words what I do not understand, do not know the meaning or not being aware of the context and information what the word is presenting therefore going into inferiority.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compare myself in terms of learning ability with others and defining myself as better in some things and worst in others and not realizing that the polarity which through I am feeding the Tala Joseph character about who I am in regards to learning and study and understanding – is not real but of matrix of self-definition, self-judgment.
I forgive myself to think and go into inner reactions of my self-defined strengths when facing something what I define as my weakness such as thinking I understand everything almost always for the first time but to memorize and remember it I am bad for that and always thinking the way I am it is and this is who I am and never realizing that I’ve been formed through external impressions and internal processes based on my starting point as fear and survive and fight and justifications and excuses.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed to go into thinking that it is okay that I do not remember things because I am different than others and I do not have to memorize anything or remember specifically anything because I am smart and that is the meaning of being smart, not needing to remember anything – that’s why technology exists to help me to remember and never realizing that if I use external tools for my confidence it is always conditional and have the starting point of inferiority and the need for go into superiority is pre-defined therefore the polarity movement is predictable, limiting and in fact not really supporting me as really it is not who I am as Life.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as character regarding to the way I currently am is the most perfect, practical and in fact evolutionary result of my life therefore never questioning anything based on what is within the box of self-judgments and definitions of: ME and even when somebody else questions this halo of self-definitions referred as ‘ME’ – I defend it automatically instead of using common sense and apply Self-honesty in each moment of all breath equally.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to always automatically find excuses to not learn based on the personality I’ve developed through polarity of judgments and in fact surviving and fear.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed to have the excuse that I already have a degree from university therefore I do not have to learn anything ‘seriously’.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to balance out the polarity of resistance to learning with always wanting to learn things what fascinates me what is my interest and define myself as always like to learn something meanwhile being aware that it is not the most effective way I approach learning but as I’ve defined myself to be, accepting limitation based on ‘this is good for me’.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to always justify why I do not remember something based on self-definitions and judgments such as I am smart therefore I do not need memory and that therefore is technology and my brain is only a processor but not storage and not realizing that the very definitions of these self-judgments are based on memory therefore to react with this contradiction is in fact creates frictions within me what charges specific personality of the mind.
I forgive myself that I have never questioned the points I am unable to remember about why in fact I do not remember, why I am unable to specifically remember meanwhile if I would remain here and observe myself within self-honesty and exploring real self-intimacy I would see that it is because of preferring to focus and energize inner reactions such as thinking, feeling and energies moving around within and as my human physical body as part of the self-definition mind consciousness system what I’ve defined as myself as equal as one and not realizing that it is only the consequence and physical manifestation of my starting point as self-dishonesty and self-judgment and limitation and the only way to stop the limitation what I cause friction within when facing is to decompose, understand and forgive and practically let go all points within what is inner reaction to be able to embrace what is really here as myself undefined and allow my physical to integrate and learn within it’s natural rhythm of breathing.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to accept resistance within towards remembering and learning with the speed of physical, natural learning.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to accept thoughts and feelings within as inner reactions towards learning and in the process of learning and studying and not directing myself to stop and not realizing that it is who I am what I accept and allow.
to be continued