This is the continuation of the http://talamon.blogspot.com/2013/05/jtl-45-investigating-my-days-rant.html post.
The thinking of “I am getting there”:
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself based on the impression of I am getting to principled living by defining it as being there meanwhile I am here without seeing the separation within and as my words as equal as one as myself – that projecting a self-image separated from here as me – and by that defining ‘there” as future within my acting as self-direction what I allow myself to not be today but from one day I won’t by hope, desire or even certain starting point,
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to have a time-frame in my days wherein I can let some of myself to not be principled, not directed and just be who will be in that moment without direction, literally principle wherein in fact I can continue with the life where I do not have to be aware of my actions and consequences within the belief that it’s alright, I deserve it or it does not make a difference in the big picture.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to be self-honest with myself in terms of allowing myself to have some relaxation or entertainment planned within the consideration of principle without being totally consumed within the experience of reacting within to the self-defined entertainment.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that I do not live fully self-honesty within self-defined moments of entertainment because within that I do not want to be self-honest within that in fact what actually I am doing and might realizing that it is self-dishonest and in fact not really who I really am but within a self-created religion of self being constantly occupied within self-seclusion and self-interest meanwhile if I would be self-honest with myself, I’d realize that I have other priorities and also realizing that in fact doing so because of the addiction of taking refugee within thoughts, feelings, emotions what are the accumulated past of self-dishonesty remaining here to influence and direct me by showing equal as one what I actually still accepting and allowing to be.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use the expression of ‘killing time’ and not realizing that it is literally meaning I do something what I think as not matters and I think that it is irrelevant because of a definition within about the situation, myself or the possibilities or the circumstances,
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that within defining moments as important I define moments as irrelevant as equal in terms of balancing out the self-defined polarity manifestations of the mind.
I commit myself to remain aware of the fact that each moment is the same from the perspective of self here – as if not directing myself as self here as presence fully within absolute self-honesty – I am still responsible yet not the directive as myself but as acceptance and allowance by self-definition – even – and in fact especially at moments when I define it and myself as irrelevant and then I realize that I am hiding something within myself what I balance out as irrelevant – such as accepting and allowing the world and human system to be as it is today by a self-definition such as – I am not powerful/rich/aware enough to do something what is relevant for the world and myself equally.
I commit myself to remain here as self-direction and dare myself to be aware of the patterns as myself within self-honesty when I define myself or the moment as ‘entertainment’.
I stop fearing from realizing that the specific entertainment might not entertain me if I dare to see myself within self honesty of why and what I am actually doing.
I commit myself to stop the religion of self of self-dishonesty by letting go of definitions of self of entertainment and separations within self-definitions about what moments are relevant and what are not and when I can or have entertainment.
I commit myself to realize in each moment that principled living and absolute self-honesty does not exclude to enjoy myself and others if possible but to compromise myself within the definition of polarization of joy and pain and being attracted to joy by definition is not really me therefore I simply let it go breath by breath here.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define principled living and discipline as seriousness and rigidness instead of realizing that principled living and discipline as self-honesty is undefined as direct self expression here within consideration of what is here,
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define having fun and joy as undisciplined and unprinciplined living by definition of when I enjoy myself and others that must mean that I am disregarding self-honesty here within occupiing myself in entertainment – and not realizing that I can enjoy being disciplined here within principled living.
I commit myself to stop refusing to enjoy principled living within the consideration of all living being here,
I commit myself to fear from enjoying myself in all moments when I am here as principled within the discipline of equality and oneness as all as one as equal,
When and as I experience myself disciple-ing myself I realize that I can enjoy being here and being within direction and movement meanwhile remaining relaxed and present within the practical application of my self-honesty without any condition.
When and as I am directing myself I realize it is not required to force myself in any way whatsoever without any seriousness or un-seriousness because decision within living application is not required energy of definition.