[JTL 44] I have to move: part two

Continuing on my last post: [JTL 43] I have to move .

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that I have to move – indicating that it is not me, as Self-direction move by common sense decision but of circumstances, of pre-programmed reactions.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that who I’ve became is the result of external programming within internal processing of thoughts, feelings and emotions and as long as I participate – I am the puppet of my self-created mind as physical expression.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize when and how exactly I consider specific thoughts as myself and other specific thoughts as ‘mind’ – indicating that (t)here is a self-definition of which I am not aware of and being defined by I am automatically am and not questioning it, not even seeing it as my-self-creation and within what I manifest it within action without understanding, realizing, seeing how and why I am doing it and not even questioning it, only after doing it and facing it’s consequences.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to forgive myself conditionally, regarding to circumstances and using systematic expressions within me to follow how I forgive, when doing so based on self-definitions and not common sense.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not decide who I am as Life but as who I’ve became based on experiences and using memories and feelings and thoughts to justify who I am as already manifested creation and never considering in the moment when it MATTERs, that I am choosing the way who I am.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to place myself into a path of energetic cycle wherein I am reacting and after enough reaction I step a level within which I start to notice that I want to move and not realizing that it is because I am constantly occupied with thoughts, feelings and emotions and not directly, immediately seeing within myself what I am doing and how I am accumulating certain reactions, physical actions and only realizing when manifested and experiencing it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as who I am based on energetic reactions and if in the moment I have pleasant experience – I never question, I never use common sense for what I am actually doing because in the moment I am hypnotized and conditioned, programmed and bound to focus my attention for the experience of pleasure, excitement, high-ness, tension, temper.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define being human as identifying myself with thoughts, feelings and emotions and focus my attention to that and defining this as being who I am.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that the specificity is the key here in self-forgiveness therefore it is not enough to write down that I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to follow thoughts, but exactly the patterns and exactly the circumstances and the starting point I have to see and understand within myself for why I am behaving so to be able to stop.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define awareness, as myself as presence define as some sort of energetic state within what I am in focus and meanwhile I can be aware and when I am not doing so – not defining myself doing so – then I am not fully present and that is still me but not ‘in focus’ – and not realizing that when I am not fully present – I am not existing but only as reflection of my past dishonesties.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to be specific within Self-forgiveness directly as I face reality without generalizing, without making rules of them, without trying to automatize, schematize, pre-define and categorize – I simply remain here undefined – and what I see within myself as Self-dishonesty – I forgive and actually become aware of the responsibility to stop it as myself with no separation. I breathe, I act, I am physical.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to use common sense in terms of renting a place to stay and how much it costs and how many rooms I do require and what requires to consider my financial status and what would be common sense.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that moving(from living from one flat to an other – basically renting) is complicated, long and unpleasant – and not realizing that this is an excuse to do what I would do if I would be self-honest with myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to depict an image and likeness of me about what I would do if I would be self-honest and not realizing that the very self-imagination is based on mind – as thoughts, images, coming from the past therefore participating within imagination is a form of re-looping myself with the past.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that the only valid imagination is when I imagine what would be the best for all participants within human physical existence within common sense as equal money system to grant life rights for everyone without any condition and to actually working on this to manifest it.

Support context:
http://gianjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2013/05/day-350-mirage-of-self-part-2.html

“reading Bernard Blog from today, I red about how it is pointless so to say writing and doing self forgiveness on point where I only keep on doing self forgiveness or writing in response to emotions and feelings an thoughts that I experience and that is within me, because the thoughts and the feelings/emotions is already a product so to say of something else.

And it was said within common sense that if one do not understand the creation process of the thoughts/feelings emotions then how can one possibly understand thoughts/feeling and emotions and so in return stop them.

Because I see that if and when I only do self forgiveness on the emotions/feelings and thoughts the whole time without fully understanding how I created them that I am within such actions accepting and allowing the thoughts to still be ME, when they are not me.”

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that it is pointless to say and write self-forgiveness on point where I only keep doing self-forgiveness in response to emotions and feelings that I experience within me – without understanding the creation process of the thoughts/feelings/emotions – and stopping the source, which is me exactly where the point as self-dishonesty as manifested self as me originates from.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to slow down within myself to the degree that I can see what I do actually within myself and understand why and really see the dynamics within what I participate and be able to actually to prevent manifesting further more thoughts/feelings/emotions.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that when I repeat something in the moment of my focus to not doing so and automatically manifesting it – then it is already part of my manifested self – therefore without given energy – I manifest it by default as the religion of self within what I believe blindly without really being aware of it.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that if I ‘just’ forgive myself’ what I experience meanwhile the days – will not be the solution as the source and the core of self-dishonesty is embedded, encrypted and hidden within the already manifested self-definitions of me as me who I believed myself to be to a degree that I’ve programmed myself to become it by default, such as the thinking, feeling, emotionalizing myself regarding to physical reality interactions.

When and as I realize that I am repeating something without being aware of why – or doing something by default when I am not focusing or directing myself not doing so – aka – returning to my basic programming – I realize it is what I must dig out and investigate within myself through Desteni tools to get to the core of the self-dishonesty and actually committing myself to change and stick to the physical, common sense and practical application to stop it breath by breath without energy of thoughts, feelings and emotions.

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