Continuing on decomposing Self-accepted definitions and automatism about the word: DIFFICULT.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that within fearing from difficulty, even when not really seeing it within conscious mind but for instance manifesting it as personality for instance not directly facing specific things or people just because defining that or them as ‘uncomfortable’ or ‘not really wanting to do so’ or wanting to find solutions other way around – or apparently ‘forgetting it’ when it would matter to do so – in fact I fear from difficulty – and I suppress it.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear from difficulty regarding to money questions, issues, businesses because defining it as uncomfortable, avoidable, not really my style, below my interest or ‘having too less chance’ and not realizing that I manifested this personality not directly fearing from the things what required in order to stabilize my financial status but the definitions I’ve allow within myself to come up automatically regarding to the word difficulty, to the circumstances regarding to difficulty, for instance about money, women and directly expressing myself as I want but judging it as too raw for others so then holding myself back and not really saying, doing so what and how I want in the moment.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that within holding myself back in fact I am manifesting limitations with what facing I am experiencing frustration and within that compounding emotions what I suppress and then compounding, mostly anger towards myself transformed into a some formed of suppressed depression within what I do not act, move and direct myself immediately when I experience the need to do so within myself because of the self-accepted programming of self-definitions automatically make me behave in the way what with I can face the less difficulty and uncomfortably and wanting to equate it with pleasant and apparently self-defined as ‘good’ feelings.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to ever realize that by generating good feelings I actually actively do support my own negative feelings by energizing the whole mind within my human physical body and within the mind all the wired habits and automatic energetic movements fuel and boost all parts of my mind equally what I do not see because the the occupation of pursuit of good feelings.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that if I disregard my human physical body here – then I am giving away the only possible solution for myself to stop all delusions here because within physical stability it is only possible and without physical flesh body – I am not real.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to prioritize experiences beyond my human physical body here and all what is already here.
I forgive myself that I have never ever allowed myself to realize why I am literally bound to feel good and make myself to manifest situations wherein I MUST feel good but within the starting point of energy, of fear.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that within always working with energy and juggling with all the positive and negative energy I have manifested myself as completely missing the life force within and as myself who I really am here as the flesh as the physical.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that until I do not forgive and let go practically all self-definitions regarding to what I’ve defined as feeling good – I am literally bound to and as the polarities of energetic mind as who I’ve programmed myself to be to suppress life from the physical as consciousness system what will not last when the body dies – only consequences of disregarding all life here.
I forgive myself that I have never allowed myself to realize that all thoughts within represent a self-dishonesty within myself but I’ve been taught and formed by society and then others in a way what promotes suppression, thinking and the mind to dominate real physical body here – and anyone says that I should accept thoughts is clearly lost in oblivion and can not be taken seriously at all until proven to be standing here within and as the physical.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give into the temptation of believing of others that thinking is alright and thinking is directly myself – because within giving into something what apparently all other does – feels good but in fact I start to suppress a some sort of anger towards myself because of the self-acceptance of insanity within by myself I am busy manifesting.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define difficulty as uncomfortable and unpleasant because within my past I’ve defined it as so within not realizing that because I’ve defined myself as unable to change, unable to solve, unable to comprehend, unable to embrace and unable to direct the subject of that specific ‘difficulty’ without investigating it and myself within common sense.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define certain specific things within my life as normal, easy, eased, simple, natural – with what I do not face difficulty – only as challenging, fascination, motivation – and ‘having’ certain aspects and areas within my life what I’ve defined as difficult, uncomfortable, frustrating, avoidable.
I am going to continue with the investigation of the challenging/difficult polarities defined within me towards these aspects and areas of my life.