[JTL 32] Self-forgiveness: stopping resonant fear from difficulty

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define ‘doing something’ as separate from me – or always defining a ‘reason’ for why I am doing something instead of simply doing what is here as myself as self-decision.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define a polarity system within me based on the word dimension of ‘difficulty’ and what defining as ‘easy’ – defining it then as ‘I can do it without forcing myself and stressing myself’ and what I’ve defined as ‘difficult’ – defining it as ‘I have to do focus and strengthening and forcing myself with great ease.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself according to circumstances and actions what I do or not do and defining it according to and through and as the word difficulty and by that already having a per-conception, a self-definition about what I do – like an inner preparation for what I do about how much effort I have to put into but not as myself as moment as breathing and undefined – rather than by defining circumstances and myself regarding to another self-definitions, memories, pictures, knowledge – and not realizing that by that pre-definition actually I change and program myself into that specific experience within myself before even starting myself expressing by doing or not doing the action what I’ve defined regarding to the relationship with the word difficulty.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that I’ve defined difficulty and wanting to prepare myself by measuring difficulty level to actually give a probability to myself that I will not ‘succeed’ or be able to do the thing what I judge – like a reminding myself that – ‘do not be hard on myself when I will be unable to do so how and what I want’.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that calculating my failure by definition by the dimension of difficulty automatically is in fact a self-compromise and a manifested personality of self-doubt to prepare myself for next inner reactions to be able to react if I would not be able to do the thing what I judge that I might not be able to do so.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear from failure and within fearing from not be able to do what I do – actually I prepare myself for accepting the situation of failure before even failing within the fear from failure.

I forgive myself that I have never allowed myself to realize that within fear from failure I actually manifest failure as predefining myself as containing the starting point as fear from failure and within giving energy and acting according to as it – I actually accept it as reality even before manifesting it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe and be deluded by the idea that for doing something what I’ve defined as difficult to do so or not easy or not automatically be able to do it – that if requires extra effort, energy for doing so and not realizing that the energy here I’ve defined as inner reactions towards the point through and as participating within thoughts, feelings and emotions.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to link difficulty with emotions such as fear, hardship, suffering, failure and regret, shame and anger.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to associate difficulty with the word emotion and automatically become emotional when I am facing an experience what I react with the association or definition with the word: difficulty.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that if I face difficulty that means that I am going to have a chance to fail and not realizing that failure is an other self-definition just like difficulty and observing reality with the eye of the universe there is no such thing as failure nor even difficulty – only within self-interest of programmed personality.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that when I define difficulty it is absolutely relative towards the experiences and the already self-accepted self-judgments within my mind through thoughts.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that within facing possibility of not being able to do what I plan to do or expect to happen actually I face myself as consequence equal as one within defining it as ‘bad’ I am judging it based on fear from remaining so – fear from being judged and being stuck within the experience of being defined as ‘failed’ – and not realizing that I experience this resonance of ‘failure’ as only when I judge myself based on already made judgments of ‘failure’.
I forgive myself that I have never allowed myself to realize that within fearing from failure I do not move, I do not explore undefined but within self-definition what I’ve already defined as ‘not failing’ and ‘best way to avoid failure’ what is already entailing and containing and in fact resonating the starting point of ‘fear from failure’ as equal as one as I participate within any self-definition regarding to the word ‘failure’ and ‘difficulty’.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear from being judged as failed by facing difficulties by myself or by others.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself according to my already made and remembered self-definitions towards myself, towards my environment and towards others.
I forgive myself that I have never allowed myself to realize that if I do not stop defining myself I will always experience separation within myself towards myself because self-definition is in fact the act of ‘trying to superimpose’ what I am here – with observing it as a separate, defining it as a subject within the act of objectivity and not realizing that I use polarity systems for such through and as relationships defined through and as words what with I always try to interpolate what is here as reality and what I experience and not realizing that I always only approximate it within self-created systems and separating myself further from simply what is here as self as flesh as life as the physical remaining breathing, undefined, whole.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that compounding energy within my mind through repeating and being obsessed with specific words and energetic reactions towards words – I actually compound energy for the mind to become more and more dominant through more and more thoughts, feelings and emotions with what I separate myself more and more from what is here as the physical as life as my human physical body as the direct consequence and result and manifestation of who I am in real.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take my mind as thoughts, feelings, emotions as starting point by superimposing my human physical body here where I breathe, I physically feel and I am reality and in fact sharing what is here as myself with all equally.

I forgive myself that I have never allowed myself to consider what is here as the physical as the flesh as myself as real as life by constantly being occupied within the mind domain of personality matrices through the obsessed and possessed participation within thoughts after thoughts, feelings after feelings and emotions after emotions by defining these as myself directly and using these to define myself and my reality and trying to use these to feel myself in a way what I’ve defined by these as apparently good for myself, only for myself within the interest of myself only.

I forgive myself that I have never allowed myself to realize that by fighting energies as emotions with energies as emotions is never the solution and when people say to me that I should not fight against emotions and I should accept emotions I am reacting with more emotions with self-judgments such as ‘he/she is crazy, does not know what is talking but I know what I am talking about as defining emotions as bad’ and not realizing that wanting to stop emotions with emotions what is like trying to stop fire by fire what is not really a solution and within judging others I actually divert my attention from the emotional polarity fight within towards the others as judging them as ‘fools’ and not realizing that I am not the directive within and as myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to tend to divert my attention from emotional storms within because at times I’ve defined that I do not have time to deal with them or even not knowing how to do meanwhile I have to do specific things what requires no emotions to interfere for instance programming systems for the company where I work for money and then constantly putting aside my energetic inner experiences meanwhile even judging them as ‘bullshit’ – and not realizing that in fact I am judging myself as ‘bullshit’ and not facing the core of the emotional storm within and not wanting to see the starting point of energetic polarities within reactions through reacting within self-definition towards self-judgments being projected to entities what I’ve defined as separate from me and not seeing that everything what I experience is me here equal as one and the solution is to stop judging and let myself in the moment without judging, without reacting with thoughts to accumulate emotions within absolute self-honesty.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that straining my human physical body to generate energy within is simply physical abuse of the life force within and as myself by causing pain and dysfunctions within my body as life by possessing the body with the mind and not realizing that I am perceiving myself who I am separated from the body – by defining myself as emotions, thoughts, feelings, memories, characters, personalities because that I always can participate within meanwhile my body is always here for serving me and not realizing that it is not life but self-abdication, self-abuse, self-denial, self-delusion, self-dishonesty and that’s why I do not experience constancy and consistency within my mind because my mind is not stable, constant and being here – because it is dependent on seeping of energy from my body what is constant, here as life.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that within emotional reactions I actually become occupied and charged with energies what with I light on specific self-definitions, specific feelings, specific energetic reactions – for what I react with certain specific energetic experiences what is happening so fast that I am not even aware of with what words I react with for what reasons within self-dishonesty.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear from facing the fact that everything I exist and consists of is based on a resonant fear from directly experience all self-dishonesties and their consequences here within and as the physical as myself and being occupied within thoughts, feelings and emotions actually divert my attention from what is here as myself as the human world system as equal as one as me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that how and exactly why I’ve started to strain my human physical body when facing difficulties and believing that if I grip and strain myself very intensely then I do not experience reality within the emotional state that much because the energetic charge and movement within what arises within the physical strain is equal and one intense such as the perception of the actual direct and real experience what I face and not want to realize how and why I am directly responsible for the consequences I face and judge as ‘unwanted’.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to disregard my human physical body by, through and as defining experiences and feelings and emotions and thoughts as more important and more real of me and not realizing that all is only possible because of my human physical body as life and by disregarding the source of the physical flesh of me – I am unaware of the consequences I make for my real self here within and as the physical equally to myself and others.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that within accumulation of muscle tension within the energetic addiction towards self-definitions and emotions I have been abusing my human physical body as life to manifesting consequences as equal as one as myself to show me exactly what I am responsible of and to be able to realize that I can and I should and I must stop without any condition.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself that everything I experience and do is to avoid to fear from losing what I’ve defined I do not want to lose and in fact fearing from defining myself losing and defining myself within fear from losing what I’ve defined as ‘fearful to lose’ and not realizing that it is just a trap of 22, the oroborous, an infinity loop, a never ending cycle within what I’ve defined myself to be as this energetic waving within fear from losing the fear from losing.

I stop fearing from losing myself.
I stop fearing from fearing losing myself.
I stop fearing from losing fear from losing myself.
I stop all fear from losing fear as self-definition.
I stop all fear within from losing.
I stop all fear within.
I stop fearing from facing fear.
I stop losing fear as who I’ve defined myself to be.
I stop fearing from facing the fear as what it is as who I’ve defined myself to be: not real.
I stop fearing to realize that who I’ve defined myself to be is not real.
I stop fearing from others realizing that who I’ve defined myself to be is not real.
I stop fearing from judging others based on how they react towards me.
I stop fearing from judging myself as fearful.
I stop fearing from myself.
I stop fearing from what is here.
I stop fearing from who I am or who I can be or who I have been.
I stop fearing from the consequences of who I am or who I’ve defined myself to be and acted based on that.
I stop fearing from failure as realizing that failure is a compressed self-definition symbol for fearing myself.
I stop fearing from exposing all compressed, encrypted self-definitions within myself to realize none of it is real.
I stop defining myself to try to avoid facing fear and trying to occupy myself in order to persuade myself that I do not fear.
I stop defining myself as fool because participating within fear.
I stop defining myself that I am obsessed with fear and methods to deny and fight fear within.
I stop fearing from remaining undefined and directly experiencing physically manifested fear what is defined as uncomfortable.
I stop fearing from facing uncomfortable experiences within and as the physical.
I stop all within and I remain here and I stop everything within until I am clear, empty and whole.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to suppress the energetic waving within my solar plexus what is an energetic buzzing, pricking, waving, moving, like smooth silent thunder vectors what are shooting apparently fast from one direction towards an other and having after effects within for seconds and meanwhile I am focusing to that energy and not realizing that I’ve defined it as fascinating as it is pure energy and defined pure energy as my fuel and life force and

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to fully experience these energetic waves within by wanting to remain within the constant and consistent experience of these energies moving as within many feelings what I’ve defined as ‘good’ I experience similar energetic movements therefore ‘defining it as good’ and by defining it as good accepting it as myself and never questioning what is this and not pinpointing it within self-honesty and self-intimacy that it is in fact the inner reaction of fear from myself.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that within breathing here and slowing down within I can actually stop these energetic movements within – and in fact slow myself down to a degree that when I start to participate within the fear – I can stop before going into and simply saying no and remaining directly here I can stop the fear.

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