[JTL 28] Self-forgiveness fear from consequences: crying

Stopping all mind-fear-desire-based relationships within and without what is not best for all – like this:

I’ve written some time ago some self-forgiveness about myself crying, but this one is the opposite

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react emotionally when hearing and seeing someone is crying and she/he says that it is because of me.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame myself when somebody is crying in front of me or in the phone and within that blame forgetting everything I am all aware of because of this intense experience of remorse and regret and blame towards myself.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear from somebody is crying in front of me and making it obvious that it is because of me, what I did or what I did not do.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that in fact really I’ve caused the reason for why the person is crying in front of me and stating that it is because of me – and within the fear of I might be responsible – in fact I do lose awareness as inner silence+empty mind+breathing here within self-judgment and reactions towards words without even being aware of that I am losing presence.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hope that someone who is crying could stop crying and everything would become solved within a single moment just because I want so.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear from someone is crying in front of me who is an adult.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define that when children cry, that is normal, therefore by the definition of ‘when children cry is normal’ I am not aware of any inner disturbing within and also the reason for why the child cries, regardless of why is crying for.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become sad automatically when somebody is crying what I perceive as I can not help stopping.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compound energies within myself so much by reacting towards crying that from a moment I want to do anything to just stop the person crying and not realizing that within that starting point I am not for solution, but for stopping the experience within myself to stop what I’ve defined as not good and I can not direct within.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define good and bad according to the feelings I experience within myself without questions.
I forgive myself that I have never allowed myself to realize that within not questioning the experiences within myself – I am automatically reacting to circumstances, situations, people, events and basically anything what my senses process throughout my mind, my brain.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to solve, stop, remove the already manifested consequence such as somebody crying; only because of my inner reactions towards the intensity of experiencing consequence, such as crying and my reactions towards it as too much and as ‘not good’ – instead of realizing that this does not SOLVE the problem, only the currently sensible consequence I want to stop experiencing.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that if I do not face the core of the manifested consequence, the reason how and why it happened – I do not stop it manifesting, only I put effort to stop experiencing it for a while for my interest.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that within fearing from experiencing manifested consequences, such as somebody is crying to me and saying that I am causing this, and wanting to do anything what stops that – I am not solving the problem within the interest of all participants here equally, meaning the person who experiences suffering and crying and me who experience the crying through self-judgments and through reactions and self-definitions such as ‘not good’ and in fact I only consider myself when wanting to stop the cry just to stop facing the consequence, to want to stop being directly aware of my direct responsibility.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that I’ve defined myself automatically responsible and in fact feeling some sort of self-defined ‘guilt’ when somebody is crying ‘to me’ – and not realizing that at times it is might not be ‘me, myself’ only who is responsible but the person who is reacting to something, what is being exerted as crying – but within the self-judgment I do see only myself as responsible, fallen, guilty and not considering the other’s responsibility as well and within that moment I forget everything, I forget what is my source, I forget what is my presence, I forget what is my direction, I forget myself completely.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not want to form any relationship with anybody who wants me to take the relationship ‘seriously’, who wants me to be part of ‘her’ life because of the fear that I might do something what with I am causing the other experience some sort of pain and within that will go into a crying to me that I am responsible.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not want to be seriously taken in any form of relationship because within self-judgment I’ve defined myself as irresponsible and untrustworthy and not somebody who can be trusted because of the experiences I’ve defined within regarding to somebody is crying to me that I am responsible for that suffering and cry yet I am not sure.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want myself to – in fact desire myself not to be responsible for any crying around me, because I’ve defined myself within the experiences of ‘being cried to’ as I am a bad person because the person told me and then I’ve reacted to it with fear that it might be like that.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as a bad person because somebody is crying to me multiple times when I stick to the words what I speak because those words I’ve taken seriously and by that I’ve defined myself as somehow ‘defined and protected’ from being taken seriously within and without a relationship, only being taken seriously as the words ‘should not be taken seriously’.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not act exactly the words I speak equal as one with my actions and therefore somebody who would only look my actions what are not exactly the same what I speak – might misunderstand my words – and vice versa – when I am doing something what is not exactly the same as I say – and then if someone would take my words then would experience me differently within action than what I’ve said.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that participating within the inner reactions as accepting and following thoughts, feelings and emotions I forget the principle of ‘what I speak is what I act as equal as one’ because within action I react with what I’ve defined myself as within fear.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hope that within reacting to fear I might not need to to fear anymore because the reaction towards my self-defined, self-created self-experienced fear would stop.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that within my ‘virtual location’ within my mind wherein my perceived ‘presence’ as a pointer within consciousness system, I can experience myself as one thing at a time within duality, within self-definition, and in that time only that – in front of the everything else what is undefined within polarity and within a chain-reaction of self-definition line – I am reacting to my pre-programmed personality by reflecting back to myself who I’ve defined myself to be and not realizing that it is a program, and within that program I completely disregard the wholeness of Life as my human physical body, as the silent and empty mind within action as all other beings within and as the physical.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that I’ve defined the self-definition system within as precious what I’ve defined as it is always with me, even at times when everything seems very difficult and intense and not what I can define as ‘good’ – so then within the self-definition self-created inner chain-reaction – I am occupied, I am energetic, I am fast – and within fast inner reaction system I experience some sort of vibration and resonance and within that resonance I can be angry and raging and totally giving myself into that because apparently there is no consequence and I can let go everything of me without here within physical reality manifesting consequences – and not realizing that this is exactly the way I diminish myself from here as physical yet still manifesting the inner reactions as physical consequences – exactly manifesting what I’ve defined I am in a ‘fearful relationship within’.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame and judge myself for what I do – instead of simply stop and change – and within the automatic self-defined reactions I do not even consider changing because within myself as mind, as thoughts, feelings, emotions I always change, I always evolve, I always combine and mutate and within that I define myself because in reality, within the physical all what I experience is nothing of me really changing, only with enormous effort of energy involvement and that only for so long as long giving the energy into what I ‘create within my mind’.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that when I stop giving energy into the system – the system stops – and if I maintain an experience of myself based on energy – then when the energy is over – then that experience of myself is also gone.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that within pursuing good feelings and energy in fact I am gathering and accumulating energy to balance out the energies within what I’ve defined as ‘negative’ and ‘bad’ – and within self-definition of energetic addiction I am lost within this occupation and not realizing that direct physical change does not require any energy but simple and dedicated decision and then living to that in all moments until it is here and remaining absolutely aware of that point as myself as decision as the living word.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to be with someone who with I always manifest the same circumstances what I’ve defined as ‘good for me’ and not realizing how exactly manifesting the feelings of ‘good’ and ‘bad’ and within the cycles of pursuing one and avoiding the other – in fact I am inside reacting to specific self-defined reactions one after an other, many times but within self-definition, at a time always reacting to something with a specific one and that is automatic and within that reaction the energy I experience I accumulate and compound and with that energy I shift perception and continue inner reactions and within the constant inner reactions I am automatically reacting.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize the equal and one relationship for what I exactly participate within reality meanwhile experiencing certain specific inner reactions within.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame and project the responsibility of myself out for the one who is experiencing the consequences of my starting point and within blaming her(or him) – I am able to blame myself and within self-blame I react inside and within that losing direct presence within reaction in fact I lose the awareness of what I actually do with what starting point in the physical.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to stop blame in each moments I participate within by the hope that this time I will not be exposed and in the hope that it might be true if I do it with confidence.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that I use blame towards others the same ways as I use blame towards myself for instance blaming someone for an experience I have about not doing what speaking and not realizing that the starting point of such act is that I blame myself for not speaking and acting equal and one the same always and sometimes taking my words granted yet my actions are not equal and one and that I define as ‘shit’ and then wanting to solve it but within reacting to thoughts and feelings and emotions – I am not aware of the fact that it is from blame to myself – and then meanwhile experiencing somebody else as well – then I blame the person because meanwhile I react to the person as well – and it’s like there is always only ‘one subject’ of my mind – and I have the subject of ‘myself’ within self definition in a moment and when experiencing something about or with someone and then I am in the ‘context’ of self-blame – and then I react to something what somebody else says/does – while still within self-blame – and then I see that I am physically in the context of ‘somebody else’ – and the inner reactions are so automatic, so fast that then I do not see that under my conscious-ness – I’ve switched ‘subject’ of my self-definition – but the blame not – therefore blaming the other for what I experience, however I am directly responsible.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame myself for what I’ve accepted and allowed myself to participate within and then becoming angry at myself because since from the beginning I had a slight fear that this would manifest and then I reacted to that with fear that there is a chance and saying ‘probability’ and ‘possibility’ of ‘experiencing anger towards myself’ while in fact I had the fear of might manifesting such – but as I’ve previously defined myself as ‘no fear’ – I did not want to face the fact that I did lie to myself about in fact I fear but within not seeing it in the moment because of constant inner occupation within thoughts, feelings and emotions – I make myself believe that therefore I do not fear, and from that I define myself as somebody ‘who does not fear’ – and then comparing and trying to aligning that to reality what obviously at times will not work and then I will be anxious and frustrated.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not learn from events when this crying thing hits me and I am reacting to, learning meaning that realizing the self-dishonesty within and deciding to stop participate and then really stopping participating.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hope that this crying is not going to happen simply because I really do not want to experience it.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to consider that if I want to avoid emotional bursts, I should stick to writing daily and focus and discipline myself really stopping because as I see the emotional bursts of an other is showing me what I accept and allow within and without as equal and one therefore I am not effective within stopping this particular pattern.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as not stopping this particular pattern what is causing emotional bursts what causing the other in crying like a pattern and my self-judgment and anger and wanting to stop the crying and wanting to escape from it because I do not want to really change my pattern towards this.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not want to leave the circumstances what cause this particular pattern to manifest because of self-definitions I’ve ‘put’ into as how much worthy this relationship means to me and not considering what is the result as being unstable, inconsistent, reactive and in fact self-judgmental within the starting point of fear from facing consequence, facing really the pattern of how exactly being responsible such manifestations not for myself only but for other participants as well.
I forgive myself that sometimes I am expecting people around me to be stable and consistent and trustworthy and not realizing that within these situations when I am within self-judgment regarding to crying, in fact I am not consistent, not stable and not trustworthy as I am busy reacting to the consequence what I want to stop such as the other is crying.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not be absolutely self-honest with myself in all moments and even if so, then at times forgetting that I do not want to be with somebody who cries that easily or if really me, myself causing this directly then I do not want to be responsible for that because in the moment I directly see that I am not effective within stopping that, so I do want to ‘return’ to the least conflict to experience within my life and use the tools of daily writing to stabilize myself for a while without the need and desires for a sexual relationship.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that what I’ve manifested it is mine and I can not escape and within that wanting to correct it, wanting to solve it, and wanting to re- and re-turn to this relationship again and again and again wanting to fix it, wanting to change it and not realizing that until I do not change myself within, the relationship will remain the same.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear from not being able to change my attitude and starting point towards relationships, and this one particular meanwhile being within it as at times the reactions are still faster than my self-direction and then I am becoming more reactive than directive and then causing something what makes the other crying what makes me extremely difficult to remain stable within my application because I question myself and the relationship and the other again and again and again and within common sense I simply want to stop this madness.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear from the other participant of this relationship wants me to remain within the relationship regardless of what I experience, regardless of what she experiences and when asking why then ‘because I love you’ makes me nuts and wanting to just run away as far as I can and then I go into the pattern of guilt and remorse and then not realizing that I do not slow down and in fact speed up within self-judgments and reactions and emotions and in that moment I do not use common sense what is simply stop the relationship, stop the cause for self-judgments.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to listen to thoughts for why I should rebound this relationship with the person who I do not see common sensically practical to walk with simply because of the fear from not being sure, fearing making one more mistake what would again cause the other crying and then I would have to face that again and fearing then that in that facing I might go into self-judgments that much so then I feel the guilt and the desire for trying it again and then I might try it again to be in the relationship what has proven since some years now that is not effective, not really supporting within physical stabilization.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to going into a relationship where is no agreement, where is no guarantee that emotional storms will not happen, or if so then directed, walked according to a principle of what is best for all participants.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to go into a relationship what clearly did not work ever within the hope that the ‘relationship’ could be transformed into a supporting agreement.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that within the fear from relationship about what it would end up being as emotional shitstorms – I’ve taken granted the part of myself, an aspect of myself what is directing me to go into the same pattern again and again and again and not really taking responsibility for myself directly seeing how exactly I am responsible for such pattern and then simply realizing that I am separating myself from myself within the fear from going into a relationship what is not principled walk as equals – in fact I am manifesting the exact same thing instead of deciding to simply directing myself to remain within my decision to not rebound such a thing within a real, constant, stable, without energies decision what I can stand within and without unconditionally.


I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that within acting out based on self-judgment I have the tendency of going into the pattern of wanting to feel good what has been one of the primary occupation I always did: entertainment within I can calm myself and occupy myself to let go, to enjoy myself for a moment and within enjoyment ‘breaking the spell’ of self-judgment and then wanting to continue my process of letting go and not realizing that this pattern is not direct self here but of and as pattern what is not directly me but a some sort of compromise and by that in fact not walking as principle when it really matters, when I’ve walked into self-abdication and then forgetting the very thing what limits me, the self-judgment for not changing until the whole circle manifests again and then facing it again with the same starting point – instead of realizing that when I experience self-dishonesty, in the moment I re-align, in the moment I change, in the moment I stabilize myself without the need for ‘letting the steam out’, going into a self-defined enjoyment as entertainment for a moment to ‘rest’ what is also a polarity manifestation of and as the mind through feelings, thoughts, emotions.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as seeking and doing entertainment when I forget myself as principle as life as what is best for all and for myself as equal as one and walk the mind as myself into inner silence through using the tools as writing in self-honesty, writing, saying and LIVING self-forgiveness, self-commitment, self-corrective statements and in the moment of physical participation when it really MATTERs, really changing without fear from unknown, without fear from changing and fearing from consequences.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear from facing consequences of changing and fear from facing the unknown what is undefined and within that I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become addicted to define everything because within the energetic reaction within self-definition I have an energy what I can apparently use for my mind to fuel ‘good’ feelings.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to automatically deny and define as difficult to walk through when apparently facing energies what I’ve linked to, defined as, judged like negative within the fear of being tainted and transformed and changed by energies what are apparently ‘negative’.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear from being defined by others as bad and negative when I am facing energies what seem to be as ‘negative’ and ‘dark’ and simply questioning its origin and how I am participating within the responsibility of creating and separating such entities and energies what direct me and the reality around me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear from being a negative and bad person when questioning good feelings and what is the reason for such occupations within the principle of equality and oneness and the unification of man here within and as the physical.

I’ll continue with Self-correction

&& What I enjoyed recently, and always, is this series at EQAFE:

https://eqafe.com/embed/jberta-the-secret-history-of-the-universe-the-origin-of-awareness-part-3

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