Continuing on walking through my own self-created automatic self-definitions regarding to people around me.
I see that I am still holding on to feelings and memory-based relationships with specific type of friends what I see not as really supporting however since I’ve started process there has been a direct change on what type of people I attract in or start to interact with.
I still define people on some sort of hope that I can help them change and transform and then that is a part of myself I project and separate what I do not directly change as myself here.
I allow myself to be influenced or persuaded by others and then still I see I give a value for how they judge me and by that I experience how I feel myself or how I should feel what I see as self-compromise within the fear of myself I am not good enough or I am selfish so I should do that to compensate or not to overcome – what is never here when I am alone – and then when I feel that exactly, then sometimes I just rather remain alone to not put myself out to be influenced when I feel like I would allow such – what is not really ‘consciously here’ but resonantly.
Internal feedback system as thoughts, feelings, emotions:
I should not play the good guy role and tell him/her exactly how I see her/him regarding to that point but then it might be too rude and then he/she will not meet me and then I can not ‘assist’ her within telling her.
But if I do not tell her/him what I see then I do not want to meet because she does not change and this way it is just self-dishonesty – so I want to tell but not rudely.
I should not fear from being myself and telling things to people what I want to tell.
I should be aware of that when there is a pressured compound within, then I should not speak to anyone because then I do not consider the other but just myself exerting.
I feel exhausted when I meet with friends yet I have a pressure on doing my assignments and todo-s and commitments yet from time to time I want to meet with them and then often I feel it is too much waste of time and then I feel frustrated so then for a while I do not seek anyone but only meet with those who seek me.
I feel sad when noticing that I do suppress saying what I see within friends and people around me because this sort of self-anger is suppressed as depression what makes me a bit daydreaming and less directive and things start to happen to me and not I do things.
I compound this ‘not saying what I want’ and then after a point I feel like I cannot contain it so then at one moment I burst and in that moment I do not consider the other or me but only the ‘releasing’ of the energy’ what then really would manifest that the other do not really want to meet again or do not want to talk about the point what I was aware of and then suppressed and then compounded and exerted – what is most likely a point I am facing. Same with partner or anybody else, not just ‘friends’.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize why in fact I meet with specific people and not being self-honest in terms of realizing the words what with the connection I keep alive to re- and re-experience the same momentum what I do not transcend.
I forgive myself that I have accepted ad allowed myself to project my issues towards others especially who I define as more important to meet with than others.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define a hope towards people who I meet with and in fact meeting with people regarding to this hope that then I can assist and support them instead assisting and supporting myself directly here regarding to the points I apparently see and judge within them.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that after starting desteni process I re-defined relationships and already existing social networks regarding to the points of assisting and supporting others to want to help them and save them instead of realizing that I can only save myself.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be persuaded by others about points what I give value into as they judge me and the points directly and then taking it personally because in the same way I take personally what I notice within them and not realizing that I am projecting that from myself towards them and then manifesting relationships physically regarding to specific self-dishonesties what I am not directly aware of or if so then projecting it towards them and wanting to help them inherently without even being aware of.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize a conflict and a projection within myself towards the people who I meet regularly or keeping contact with because I do not see that what and who I defined myself to be is entails the self-definition and by not questioning myself and what and how I experience and do – therefore I am not aware of that part of me in fact with what I judge is part of the self-dishonest self-judgment already within and as myself here what at points perceive as separated from me and then manifesting as relationships with certain specific people and the things I see within the relationship with them is in fact the points what I’ve manifested from within and as myself as self-dishonesty what I do not see directly because of the fear than then I would remain alone and they would judge me.
I forgive myself that I am already aware of what I do what I should not in terms of self-honesty regarding to directly tell people what I directly see but as I am judging myself and my expression – I am judging my self-honesty with self-accepted self-dishonesty therefore I am not getting out from myself as self-honesty because of the policeman within my head transforms and projects it with the self-interest towards others and then by that I am separated from others and then wanting to change others instead of directly myself here and then thinking what I should do already showing me that in fact I lost self-direction within the fear of consequence what is in fact already here until I stop.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think about people I meet because I suppress my expression about them as in fact it is not about them but about myself and yet still persuading myself that is about them and by suppressing compounding and energetically charing this within and as myself as mind and then when it is too much wanting to release and within the belief that it is about them – I exert towards them.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to tell myself what I should do with thoughts and not realizing that it is not directly me but an internal feedback system of the past what I am still holding onto and showing me equal and one what I am separating from and as myself here within self-definition and fear as self-dishonesty.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself about why and what I do what I should not and not – never – questioning how and why I am creating such inner reactions to stop before manifesting.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself as suppressing and then wanting to avoid exerting my energetic charge as manifested and suppressed anger towards myself what at points exerting to others taking their expression what triggers my reactions personally.Assist/support self with walking self-forgiveness on the specific reactions that you have identified within each of the points within the List.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge others within myself what I do not see that it is me of me as me about me projecting towards them and with the reactions arising within and as myself WHEN being with them – then connecting the dots about them instead of about myself WITH them.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as default tactic as swallowing anything what I judge as too much or too raw or too intense or unfriendly and never questioning why in fact manifesting it as myself in the first place, here especially, directly as suppressing anger towards myself about what level of self-dishonesty I accept and allow within relationship with others.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to manifest a depression by suppressing anger towards myself projected to others and judged by fear about why and how I am simply apparently ‘sad’ about not saying what I see and not changing myself what I am aware of.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exert my anger towards people around me and not realizing that in fact the exerting is the manifestation phase of the very fear I define myself regarding to them within the relationship with others about if I speak what I experience I might remain alone.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear from remaining alone because then I might lose myself in self-defined self-projecting oblivion without realizing it and not realizing that within daily writing I can see myself directly and I can stop and change myself step by step, breath by breath within the principle of equality and oneness and what is best for me is what is best for all to stop reacting and projecting and start self-directing always here.
When and as I judge others I realize it is about myself projecting out without even realizing it so then reflecting back any judgment towards anybody to myself is common sense.
When and as I judge others and fearing to say so – I check within self-honesty – it is myself about myself or it is really the other – am I clear and empty within when I see and experience this some sort of movement within – and if yes then I trust myself and decide say within the interest of the other and myself equally – and am I capable of in that moment – and if so then I express myself within self-trust – and if not really the most assisting moment, then I breathe and I let go and I do not suppress but I realize what is the best approach and if this point is still moving within then I write out, write a note, I direct myself to return to inner quietness, silence.
When and as I fear from saying something I realize I am not here, I breathe, I let go, I re-align myself with and as the physical.
When and as I have resistance to meet with people then I realize because of this projection from self towards others I do not want to face, manifest and then I assess myself and write out the points and reflecting back to myself and realize and change.
When and as I compound emotional reactions towards thoughts within myself, I realize I manifested a relationship within what directs me with my permission so I stop, I re-align myself here and I see the common sense that am I able to change and let go this in the moment or do I require writing it out with self-forgiveness, self-commitment, self-corrective application and doing according to.
When and as I realize I meet with somebody only because of projecting my points towards them – I use common sense and I do not fear from being exposed about after stopping the point I do not want to meet – instead of realizing that there may be more to meet than just about my points and even considering enjoying myself with them directly.
I commit myself to stop judging others as it is always self-judgment projected by not wanting to see/change.
I commit myself to stop suppressing myself in terms of not saying what I am about to say without consideration by reacting to words existing within me in relationship to self-dishonesty and self-judgment.
I commit myself to act according to what is best for all participants within the direct reality around me – and if not seeing what is that then stopping myself and changing myself to be able to do so within common sense.
I commit myself to be aware of the judgments projecting towards others and the emotions feeding by those thoughts and stopping myself and letting go the fear of remaining alone and letting go the fear of facing myself and taking responsibility for what I’ve already manifested.