Continuing on decomposing my relationships within and as me as self-judgments towards people who with I am automatically react according to how I’ve judged myself and them in the past.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself according to the people I am surrounded with because from who I get reflection about me is I allowed myself to define as me from the eye of them and believing that is me and without them I do not see myself as I want to or not want to as polarity system.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to be with people who are kind to me and never questioning why they are kind in general or with me specifically.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define certain people as avoidable because they judge me in a way what I judge as negative what I do not want to face, what I do not want to be aware of because they keep saying something to me what might be true or what might be right from the perspective of physical reality facts.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define people around me as special and unique because this is the way I’ve judged them at a point and since there never questioning this judgment within and as me what makes me move automatically regarding to the relationship with words about these individuals.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as kind and open with people because the way I’ve accepted myself to emerge since childhood I’ve defined myself as introverted and serious and by judging myself with the absolute opposite I think/believe/hope that how I judge myself in the moment is how really I am/I become and not realizing the polarity system as positive and negative and as long as I participate within one edge of the polarity swing – I am always in relationship with the other edge of the polarity and by that I am always conditioned by the original self-judgment projected towards the perceived ‘myself’ and the perceived ‘others’ what is not exactly as what I or them actually doing within and as the physical what is the unquestionably measurable fact.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear from defining somebody as value or important to me and then not being in contact with the person because my self-definition value system is only becoming alive so to speak when I am in interaction with these self-judged people – or when I am thinking about them regarding to the judgments I’ve projected towards them within and as my mind apparently as them but in physical I am simply daydreaming what creates a gap between physical facts and my perception and by that the more I participate within the judgment – the more the change I will expect and by that the disappointment.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define certain specific people as ‘waking up’ or ‘awakened’ or ‘enlightened’ because their self-interest of seeking after really-really reality and never questioning my self-judgment once I’ve made it towards them and not realizing that as long as I separate people within and as my from me as equal as one as myself by judgments apparently separated from me – I am responsible for not being able to directly experience them as myself therefore the specific words with I’ve judged these individuals will determine the nature of the outcome of the physical relationship with them when we meet without me being aware of how this entails and how I’ve actually created the relationship based on self-judgment projected towards them.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define some people around me as funny and then not realizing that in fact my thoughts towards them I’ve defined as funny and projecting and sealing them with the ‘funnyness’ because that I’ve defined required from them and in fact determining the upcoming self-accepted judgments towards them by the inception of my self-dishonesty of defining them somehow according to a self-judgment projected towards them and then accepting this as myself and never ever questioning this anymore except when I make different judgments towards them and then for instance saying ‘not funny today’ or ‘not funny anymore’ and then not realizing the polarity within me and then not realizing why and how I automatically react towards them.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear from myself alone I remain only with my self-judgments towards myself what I’ve defined as ‘negative’ and ‘not good enough’ because how I acted I could not accept without judgments – and by the judgments I’ve faced myself as the way ‘I do not like myself’ and therefore I’ve seeked people who with I could manage to being defined as the opposite – and not realizing that within this polarity system I’ve carved myself into ‘not really changing’ because I’ve defined changing as going into a direction within this polarity system for instance towards positive or negative and as I’ve started to move within my mind towards the polarities – the self-definition system within and as me started to fall apart because then I could not define myself as I used to and that scared the shit out of me therefore I reacted with fear and in fact I never really changed physically, only within layers of self-judgments and excuses and justifications.
When and as I define somebody as good or bad – negative or positive – or kind or rude – I realize it is a self-reflection within and as me according to my already self-defined personality system of layers of self-definitions within the starting point of not trusting myself physically here as who I am without any thoughts, feelings, emotions – therefore I stop, I breathe, I let go as I participate within any polarity regarding to people.
When and as I participate within judgments towards people – I realize it is a self-judgment-projection what I can understand and explore if I reflect it back to and as myself as who I am as mind consciousness system suppressing physical breathing life.
I commit myself to drop the veil of all personalities because I’ve realized all those contain as self-judgments – within relationship towards another self-judgments and compartmentalize and seclude my self-accepted automatic reactions within specific physical circumstances.
I commit myself to slow down inside as breathing here as physical presence to be able to realize when and how and why I participate within any self-judgments – towards myself and towards others as well because it is clear that I do self-judgment as self-dishonesty because I could not trust myself eternally unconditionally here.
I commit myself to stop fighting inner reactions, thoughts, because it is the internal feedback system showing me equal and one what I’ve accepted and allowed myself to become and the solution is not be unattached, not suppressing, not occupying myself but to writing all out and forgiving myself, re-aligning myself and committing myself and re-scripting myself to physically change.