[JTL] Day 4 Smiling

                                             I am going to walk through a typical point of me – smiling.

I have a tendency to just smile – or just smile back if someone is smiling at me.
I have also tendency to approach specific humans with smile when I want something, what is just self-dishonesty.
I am transforming my smile as an equal and one self-expression without any self-definition.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that I have the tendency to change my attitude according to women to get what I want.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that what Self-compromise I am accepting regarding to the starting point of wanting to have sex, wanting to be loved.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that by wanting others to love me where I actually am missing myself here.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to love myself always here unconditionally.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that I’ve been obsessed with this ‘wanting to love’ ‘wanting to be loved’, even when not being aware of it but still automatically reacting the way towards others as I’ve defined as ‘attractive’.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to smile because then I might seem as somebody as happy, as somebody who is alright, who is loving, who wants to love.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize what is love in fact meanwhile taking my self-definition of “love” as granted.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to be self-honest with myself in terms of realizing what love really means within this world as energy.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear from others want to love me because as I’ve judged their self-defined love, I’d stay out of it when I am able to be here and use common sense – meanwhile when I am not aware of this – I am participating within automatic expressions, such as smiling, accepting bullshit, to not being rejected by those who define their life according to their definition of ‘love’.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that smiling is love.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that if I am kind and gentle and smiling with everyone then I am doing the best – instead of realizing that this is only the surface of why I do smile that easily.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that if I act as myself directly without participating any self-definition, then I might be seen as raw, rude, selfish.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that if I do not smile back for somebody who is smiling at me then I am breaking the ‘bliss’.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think, believe and define that if I am communicating with someone who is smiling and I am smiling back, then it is something what is magical instead of realizing that this is just two beings happen to smile at the same time, both having own reason to do so.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use smiling to get what I want, especially with those who I have found out previously that if I do smile, they automatically smile back.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that there is an influence of my money/salary regarding to my smiling – if I would not get any money from anywhere, I might not smile that much because then I would worry more about how to pay the bills and my expenses.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that rich people smile more than poor.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that poor people has more honest smile.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to smile when everybody is smiling for something what I would not smile to, for instance when someone is saying how much they drunk last night and transformed into a pig for some hours.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think, believe and define that if I am smiling, I am more attractive for others who also like smile.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think, believe and define that if I am smiling, I am less attractive for others who does not like smiling.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that if I allow my definitions/reactions towards others influence my conscious or subconscious decision when to smile, when not to smile then my expression as who I am is conditional by forces outside of me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate within the commonly accepted smiling as a tool to make myself appear as more happy, lovely, attractive.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that if I smile because of a self-definition, then I am not here smiling directly but I am reacting to something and by that self-definition I am compelled to do so until I do not stop and let go and forgive and remove this specific self-definition within and as me.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that if I use smiling as a mask, then I am not absolutely self-honest.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize why I do put up fake smile in the office when I work, even when I just feel like exploding like an atom-bomb, because then noone will ask, I can just get the job done without the need to explain why I do not smile.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that I am not self-honest with myself in terms of smiling when I am smiling because of a reason what is not directly here as myself as the physical.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge others according to their smile.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge others who do not smile much.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge others who do smile all the time as deceivers.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that I am a good person if I can smile.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that when I get my salary, I have the tendency to smile because then for a month I can be who I am according to the company money, regardless to who I am, what is the current world situation, but at least for a month I can smile easily: my pockets and my stomach can be full any time.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define occasions when I have to smile instead of trusting myself always here and smile when I smile.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not share myself here unconditionally by allowing inner judgments regarding to the circumstances I am within to define specific situations as something what allows me to express myself physically and what inhibits me from express myself physically.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to be self-honest with myself in terms of realizing in what situations I stop expressing myself because of a self-judgment such as “fear from others what might think/react”.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize the self-compromise within by allowing myself to judge myself in a way what makes me stop expressing but starting to suppressing for instance as thoughts, feelings and emotions.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to be self-honest with and as myself in terms of seeing, realizing within what circumstances I let go my presence, principle to get what momentarily I want.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that when I am not clear within my starting point regarding to being with other humans, I have the tendency to express myself based on my past, my self-definitions, about what I’ve defined according to the other humans what momentarily I define as more important than my starting point here as the physical as Life.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize within what experiences I am being washed away, flooded away from being ‘physically here’ by focusing to inner reactions, my inner reactions towards my inner reactions and then the whole chain-reaction syndrome – what is only energetic, what is being generated by and as me.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that smiling is energy, and if energy drives me then I am not here as myself as the principle as Life but I am here as the consequence of self-dishonesty as defining self according to energies outside of me.

I define love as something what is best for all.
I define smiling as physical self expression without any association.

I commit myself to stop automatically reacting within society.
I commit myself to becoming aware of all my words, movements and acts and seeing the starting point of each, being aware the physical consequence of them and standing within the realization of ‘This is who I am, this is what I stand for’ and if my words, movements and acts are result of a self-dishonesty, then I take full self-responsibility and I walk through it until I am here clear.
I commit myself to use smile as myself undefined.

When and as I am smiling automatically – I breathe, I let go – I realize that I am reacting to the subject of my smile based on a self-definition – so I am becoming aware of the self-definition (For instance if a woman smiles at me, I smile back automatically) to stop.

When and as I am here and somebody is smiling at me – I do not smile back automatically – but I do not stop myself smiling – if I smile, I smile – and I do see that why I do smile – and if there is self-dishonesty – an inner movement – I write it down, I forgive, I let go and then next time when similar circumstance comes – it will be tested again as myself until nothing moves me but me here.

When and as I smile at something while I experience a definition within and as me for instance ‘babies are cute, smiling at a baby is always cool’ – then I realize that I am moving automatically here without myself fully being aware of it – so here I unify myself, I forgive myself that I’ve segregated myself according to programming myself into conditional timespace, wherein I am only able to grasp what I define – instead of letting go all definitions.

When and as I want something from someone I do not smile to influence the other to get what I want – I do not judge when I do smile but I decided not to smile by default when I ask something from someone.

When and as I experience inner reaction such as thought or feeling or emotion meanwhile smiling or being smiled at – then I remember it, I write it down and I specifically forgive myself for accepting myself like that and then writing self-corrective statements to prepare the way when coming to actually change and stop automatic and unaware of my smiling and reactions towards others smiling at me.

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s