[JTL] Day 1: Human relationships

Please note that my posts starting with [JTL] means I am sharing my The process of 7 years as Journey To Life 

 It is time to level with my Self-dishonesties regarding to ‘relationship’ especially with ‘woman’.
I have a tendency to be influenced when I am among with people especially women – especially with the ones who I have a judgment as ‘attractive’. Let’s walk!

 I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize the relationships I participate within and as my mind as thoughts, feelings, emotions.
 I forgive myself that I haven’t allowed myself to realize that by allowing myself to be compromised while I am with others – in fact I am Self-dishonest because I allow myself to be influenced by others regarding to my own judgments regarding to them.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that if I give into the temptation of the mind by wanting to redefine my situation according to my past, in fact I am perceiving my current reality according to how I was in the past connected to dishonesties therefore still experiencing the moment by the mind influenced as my past right here as I still accept myself as Self-dishonest about it until I practically CHANGE.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that when I am with others I have the tendency to compromise myself according to my inner definitions, assumptions, judgments having regarding to them and to myself.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that if I try to mould myself to the other who I am with momentary, then who I am as expression is being conditional, who I really am then is this relationship-condition what I allow myself to manifest.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that I still give into the templation to simply be nice with people by the paradigm: “I allow and let you remain in your Self-dishonesty, but then please allow me to remain within my Self-dishonesty.”.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that I do not need to do what others say to me simply because meanwhile I think ‘by this I am good now’ or thinking by logic about why it is good for me and then persuading myself for what I do it, what by myself I would not really do but for other’s appretiation: simply yes.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be lost in the forest of consciousness relationship connections such as associations, memories of peaked experiences, by wanting to find, define, create myself according to these relationships instead of realizing that consciousness is very limited, programmable and conditional; and to trust mind as consciousness instead of trusting myself here unconditionally.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that I’ve defined myself according to my definitions of others, according to my definitions to women, according to my definition of ‘good’/’cool’/’great’ and by that definition I am of my own Self-dishonesties created limitations.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that I was avoiding to face this point, as “human relationships” within me directly by constantly occupying myself with issues arised by the very same thing, my preoccupied, predefined, preprogrammed inner reaction system what I’ve defined as trustworthy instead of realizing that this part of me can not be trusted at all, let’s stick to the physical as body, as breath, as presence.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself according to the women I am with or I do meet according to my own definitions of ‘women in the world’ and in relation to ‘these invidivual women around me’ by participating within energetic polarities based on positive and negative such as thoughts, feelings, emotions.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to even acknowledge that it is noticable that I lose my Self-direction when I am with others, especially with certain ‘categories’ I put them within my head, and especially with certain individuals, for instance my partner, for instance those who call me friend.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize the necessity and the urgent need for equalize human relationships within and as me by letting go of polarities, judgments, desires, fears – ALL one by one right here writing out on the blog as my Self-movement.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that if I fight against my desire – I am already of it so it is better to stop and see into me what I react inside and what for and by understanding how I created myself in a way what is certainly not the best for me and all – I can have a practical knowledge about myself regarding how to stop the Self-dishonesties within me what I experience.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that I have a tendency to convince myself about things how to be done even when I never had experience in it and by forcing to do so I am manifesting my preoccupied perceptions into physical what when I experience, I realize it is not what I exactly wanted.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that I try to hide from people what I really want and by just playing the ‘nice guy’ meanwhile seeking for opportunities to let happen what I really want meanwhile showing a role, a personality, a mask about who I am.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that if I am not directing myself and my reality within absolute specificity – it is never what I want, it is always disappointing.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to disappoint myself by expecting something meanwhile not doing everything for it to happen, what in fact I can – but allowing a some sort of hope or gambling in the equation what has the chance to reflect back my self-stopping and not being able to direct within princple.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize what I really want from women and not even telling them directly and then suppressing my reactions what are about when I face I do not get what I expected.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to acknowledge to myself that from women what I really want and tell them, especially my partner.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that what I expect from my partner she might even know it at all and when we both expect without direct communication, we will be disappointed, frustrated.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that if I play polite and kind I can get everything what I want.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize exactly from who and when I am allowing myself to be influenced, only when somebody tells me.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that I’ve defined myself according to fear from expressing myself who I am in the moment.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that the personalities, characters I’ve created within and as myself are for dealing the fear within what can be written out, understand, forgive, let go and explore what is beyond systematic behaviour towards fear.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that by the very starting point of fear from expressing who I am or who I perceive myself to be – I am stopping myself because I judge myself according to a ‘conclusion’ as ‘fear’ what I did in the past and it is long gone yet I still act ‘within fear’.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that if I am being attracted towards something or somebody – I am manifested by my own self-created definition according to the subject of my attraction and my judgments about it.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that I do not need to play roles, personalities, characters when I am among others.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that if somebody has his/her own self-judgments what he/she projects towards me – it is not my issue – but it is what I react to that.

I commit myself to face my entire mind as who I have accepted and allowed myself to become as consequence as the physical.
I commit myself to stop my entire inner reaction system such as thoughts, feelings, emotions to remain always here, directive, present, constant, consistent and unwavering.
I commit myself to expose the human how it is being influenced, controlled, directed by the mind consciousness system, how we brought ourselves into this situation and how to stop it practically.
I commit myself to explore, write down, share, forgive and stop all personalities within me what is still busy acting out as me automatically when I am with others, especially who I’ve defined as attractive.
I commit myself to use the tools provided by Desteni such as Writing, Self-honesty, Self-forgiveness, sharing, the courses(DIP, AGREEMENT course) to support and assist myself and my reality to stop the self-abuse and explore what means to LIVE.
I commit myself to daily writings to have a consistent self-support part within my life wherein I can deal with points within me what are bugging me, what I see as Self-dishonesty and by writing out, forgiving myself, correcting myself and sharing myself I become these tools as myself without any definition or condition.
I commit myself to be very specific within my daily writing sessions about even expressing it daily if I am in a situation what I could define as ‘important’ by realizing the commitment I make even if it means that I have to face that others would react to this as ‘bad’.
I commit myself to not convince myself with extreme polarities and theoretical and ethical conclusions what spare common sense and the practical physical reality.
I commit myself to sort out my issue of judging emotions as bad and suppressing them until these energetically charge and take over within and as me to show equally and one what I have accepted and allowed within myself to manifest.
I commit myself to remain constant, stable, unmoving day by day while I am alone and while I am with others regardless of anything. I move me undefined, I trust me undoubted, I direct myself as physical.
I commit myself to be direct and simple regarding to women about what I want and what I do not want and not allowing myself to compromise my Process of letting go of the mind.
I commit myself to immediately realize when I am compromising myself regarding to the ones who I define as attractive and start to react to my own definitions existing within me and then immediately be physical breath and STOP.

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