Writing about money – stories
I write about money – I experience some inner reaction towards money, and I simply pronounce points within my life – people’s life – what are being influenced, directed and even abused by the current money system – how we humans globally accept ourselves to ‘operate’.
Within an Equal Money System – things could go on different ways, especially I can refer to my family members, who are already exploited by the amount of self-compromise what they had to suffer in order to survive or in order to being able to support their family.
For instance my mother is in ruins – physically, psychologically – and there is a significant part within that what is directly related to money. And at this moment she is unable to live normally, she is taking pills every day, and visiting psychiatry quite regularly as her mind is required to be balanced chemically otherwise she is going nuts (‘maniac depression’) – and I’ve seen since my childhood how this great, strong, beautiful woman with full of potential and self-will – has became exhausted by the factory wherein she spent about 15 years regardless of for instance she did vomit every morning even from the thought of she has to go into the factory to work. Her decision was to push her limits to be able to support me and my sister to us to be able to go to school, buy the books and the tools to educate ourselves to not becoming like her – it’s like a human sacrifice what millions of parents do day by day and accepting the exploitation and abuse what they face every day at ‘workplace’ where they are being used as slaves. This must end once and for all – I ‘have’ down-to-earth ‘living’ examples within my family and all over the fucking planet that people can barely function as humans because of the profit for those who already have more than enough. This compromise what I stand up for and I want change.
At this moment it is required to review my relationship with money, so the issues what I still carry I must write down one and equal and see what I am still accepting and allowing within myself to equate and embrace money as myself without separation to be able to become the directive principle as Life within the starting point of ‘What is Best for All’.
Since a while I am earning money by having a job constantly. This has some significant impacts on how I perceive and handle(spend) money.
I start to write where I came from – from this perspective.
I’ve grown up in a relatively poor family where we could not afford much spending, when I was tiny(until 10 years old) I remember I was with the family(grandpa, grandma, mother, father, cousins, sister etc) – and they were quite often worried about money. They’ve managed to have things, but mostly because there were constantly working – grandpa in the forest, father in the collective farm(some form of ‘communist’ unit of the region), mother in the ‘milk-factory’ etc.
I remember, very often we did scouting in the fields, after the huge harvesting machines were done – as they always left for instance quite significant corn on the field – so then the whole family was out with the horse-chariot and we collected many dozens of bags full of corncob, what we after did crumbled with hand-driven machines, resulting dozens of corn for the animals what we did breed.
Since I started school, my family grownups programmed me and my sister to be as great learner in school as we can, as they perceived it as a key to avoid us to grow up into poverty.
When I was in basic school, I noticed that the others in school had more cool clothes, toys and more pocket money – to spend it for icecream or chokolate. But the monetary distance between me and the others did not seem that huge – however I often had to face limitations because of the lack of money. But as we lived in the village – there is always more easy to get a cheap but great bicycle for the kids for instance – so I did not bother much in that time…
When I started highschool – the political system already changed from Soviet Union(100.000 soviet soldiers left Hungary in in 1989-1990) and then the capitalism was officially here. Then I’ve noticed that some stuff is unaffordable for me what others can have in the school – the fancy shoes and clothes and electronics for instance – and in that time my mother raised me and my sister alone and she was working in the ‘milk-factory’ all day to be able to send us to school as her most important goal was this, to be able to afford to train us to get more proper jobs than our family members had.
Within the ‘communist’ system – as I perceived, she was more easily able to do so – but then the private sector started to eat up the country properties and the monetary distance started to grow between the people – more poor people and less rich were made by the new system, where the keywords were ‘freedom’, ‘free choice’, ‘free religion’ etc…
I had no idea about these in that time – I only noticed that from the perspective that when I was about 15 – I was jealous for the rich guys who could afford to have IBM PC – however they were unable to use them properly, and I wanted that stuff as I was already programming my little Commodore 64 since years and I wanted to expand but I could not.
So I started to place myself into the monetary system, first by forming desires and needs to train myself to be able to earn my own money to not be limited by poverty. Fascinating, and I remember the others were bullying me because my chinese shoes were signed as :Reobek, instead of Reebok. In that time I was very suppressive, so probably my face looked like constant nervousness.
However, when I started university – I was barely able to pay for the college and the food. So I applied for student-jobs, they were really exploiting, but it was money.
I remember working in a mineral water and energy drink bottler factory, I had to stand next to the production line all day and picking up the six packed bottles and putting them onto the pallet. Once the machinery stopped because of a fault and I enjoyed the brake and I stood near to the wall and held my hands in my pocket. Then I remember the director came to me shouting like hell that he never wants to see people standing like that, and then I should clean up or something and then that was the point when I realized – my mother spends more than half of her life in a place like that where dickheads exploit her by the point of money and I must expand way over this by educating myself.
Also I remember working for a car-repair-tools-delivery company by installing a DOS-based software for the workshops in the county with which they were able to order particles for cars via phone-modems. That was also a job what I felt like even a headless monkey could do after some days, but I ‘had’ a chauffeaur who drove me around the county and I enjoyed to see the landscapes. He told me stories about he was a taxation-inspector in the past when the communism ended, and he was facing some mafia-like organizations where they were ‘bleaching oil'(attenuating fuel) and making billions of illegal profit – and he was told that if he could not stop – his house with his family will burn – so then he did quit and became chauffeaur.
Those guys handled me like a jewellery, just because I was able to speak in the language of computers easily. Yet, the money what they gave was only pocket money, however it was better than nothing, and I hated to eat bread roll only with tomato flavour, I needed to eat properly to be able to study the maths and the programming(and later on to drink the cheapest, shitty alcohol to be able to face women, but that’s an other story lol).
After a while, I came together with E(first love, who later on became my wife on paper) – she had money – she was not rich, but she was supported way more than I ever could imagine.
From the moment we came together, she did share her money with me and we did shopping each week and bought lot of foods, yoghurts and all the foods what I perceived in that time as ‘luxuries’ – muesli, french cheese, fruits, sweets etc.
In a way it was very cool that she shared unconditionally – but somewhere I felt some frustration because I was supported, dependent by her and I judged it and I judged myself.
After a year together – I started to be part of a specific programming workshop at the university wherein we started to be educated as Java programmers with my mates from the college – and I had no PC to practice with – and E. was already more mature in this way and she told me that she invests in me in a way as she bought a great PC in that time, the price was more than 1000$ – in 1999-2000 – that money was a fortune. I remember I got the dollars from her to go to money changer – and I felt like I look like a punk crawled out from the garbage with that MUCH of money to get the local currency, hungarian Forint to buy the computer and I even had the fear coming up that I can be robbed – but then I realized, I look like somebody who has nothing but dirt, so with that I could pace my mind.
Then with that computer and with the participation in the specific Java Programmer Usergroup – I started to practically learn this programming language – participating also in summer scholarship, additionally working with Linux, what was a great financial value later on – but in that time I did not realize. At the university, the ‘normal’ course was more likely theory – and to learn how to learn programming. How to face totally new areas of informatics and by pushing it – becoming it’s master to be able to use the computer for what they were made initially – earning money.
After the university – I moved to the capital and my CV was a bit more outstanding than the others in the university who did not educate themselves in that debth.
And I do not say it was easy at the beginning – I remember, to configure Apache JServ to even to make the server say only that ‘It’s working’ – was days – we had to push and push and re-try and re-read – and with my mates we were obsessed to simply WANT to learn it. There was no internet in the college in that time, we had literally try every possible way to make the fucking thing work – and we did.
So, as the university ended, some international companies approached me and offered jobs to me. I remember one guy offered me to move to Belgium and he could invest in me to educate me more and give some responsibilities, but I was obsessed with numbers only – and I clearly stated – at least 200.000 HUF I want to get in my hands literally in every month, and by those offers – paying the hotel, the education and the airplanes – the final number could not reach the 200K, so I did not care.
Finally I found headhunters who could offer that much money – and I moved to Budapest to live – leaving my girlfriend a year more(she still had one more year in the city Debrecen to finish her psychology studies) – and I started to work ‘normally’. Fascinating what I refer as ‘normal job’ here – because I already worked in many areas before, I remember when I was teen, I also did hoening with an old guy – to cultivate grapefields for instance – by that I felt like my back is spliting off,(the old guy seemed like terminator in my eyes as he did not whine that much like me but probably he did this kind of jobs since decades) but sometimes I needed the money that much.
So for the first time – I got the money what I always wanted.
I was not prepared for this – I was holding my first salary and I was wondering ‘What the fuck now’?
At that company(and in this field, this is quite common) – we went out at noon to eat in the inner city – and the price of the food made my blood incendiary – but I did not care – I wanted to eat great stuff, I spent almost half of my salary to food for about a half year – for the first time I felt like I need to eat to complement my scant in this point.
Very soon I started to spend a significant percentage of my salary to alcohol and light drugs, I felt like I am a plant what started to get some water and sunlight at last…
My girlfriend often noted to me that I am wasting way too much money on things, such as food, could be bought in a more clever way, for instance by cooking to myself – and very slowly I started to get that – when I wanted to have another things, for instance a decent cellphone or clothes in which I am not making policemen always suspicious(military, ‘rock and roll’ clothes, long hair etc), and it was fascinating to see how people perceive me changed just because my clothes started to change – and I did not wear suit and ties – just not raunchy.
From that point – my income changed between this kind of salary to even zero for a while – but in those situations I already experienced that if I want – I can have a decent salary, and I already ‘created myself'(or more likely within the system I was impulsed to became like this) – so I did not bother myself on eating rice only for a day – as I am aware of sustaining myself physically is not THAT much money – by buying the ingredients and cooking for myself – it’s fragment of the price of what is the price for instance of a menu at a restaurant. It’s only ‘TIME’ – going to the cheap place, preparing the food, cooking it, cleaning up after cooking – as I live alone – this I consider too much time, and by money, literally I am perceiving that I am buying time.
What is not always true – and at this stage for instance I am getting food ticket as cafeteria from the company what I work for – and by those tickets – I can afford to eat in canteen/restaurant or order food by runners – however I started to investigate how and why I spend money in all parts of my life and I see that I still could reduce the amount of spending for eating.
Okay, this is a wonderful opportunity to start with to see what self-forgiveness points I require to express in order to express my will to change within and as myself to prepare myself to physically change and not participate within abuse by being within and as this current money system.
That’s why I promote Equal Money System as humans are literally slaves of the point of money and who do not face daily abuse – is more likely simply because they can buy off themselves from the abuse – but who can not afford to ‘pay out themselves’ from this – in fact virtual – debt of money – I guarantee that they experience daily life as HELL on earth, because they can not sustain their body, they can not have proper health care and they can not support their family and education and therefore most of the humans are maintaining a self-destructive(planet) system what must end by the people one by one realizing the self-responsibility one by one and stand up and form a group and say no for money being god over Life.
In fact recently my focus started to move more and more towards money and people around me tend to judge me that I am changed and my interest is only money – but in fact if I want to make a change WITHIN the current system, I must be able to stand one and equal with the money – to direct and accumulate money by the principles of Life.
I will continue this post by walking through this timeline and forgiving any self-definition what I still accept within myself regarding to money.
I dare you to educate yourself on how money REALly inpacts daily life not only the people in western culture, but all over Earth – and even often I get the feedback that if I refer to poor afrian or asian children – they say it’s only manipulation to get money from people who want to appear as good – but this is real, people, these are physical beings, and there is no any luxury or any entertainment within this world what could be more worthy than supporting Life within a being, not only human but animal or plant as well. But the point is that we must approach the core of this abuse, and my partner often says, if I would really care about those dying brown-skinned children, then I could adopt as much as I can and support them. It’s partially true – but the whole system we must focus on to understand and change from within – because I could adopt even 100 children by myself – the current system is continuously producing poverty – and that we must stop directly.
So I make my stand obviously as All Life – and I do not allow middleground in this – and by that I support even those who oppose me – by reflecting back what they still allow and what I can not allow as ‘myself’.
So I dare you to stand up for an Equal Money System – and if you do not get it – study, educate, empower yourself with REAL, practical knowledge, about how to stop self-dishonesty within ourselves and within the world One and Equal.
Thank you very Much