Self forgiveness on desire, energy

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to procrastinate my homework of SRA instead of realizing –
if I do not push it as myself – it as myself as one as equal I do not move but the mind constructs move me.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that I am possessed by thoughts and I accepted myself as inferior to thoughts.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate within thinking by the starting point of ‘taking the time within the mind’ – instead of
realizing that this is of self-deception this is of self-escaping from who I am here as what I have allowed to manifest as myself.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that if I do not not apply the tools consistently day by day as myself – I am not living the tools as myself.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that if I do not submit into temptations of the mind as energy as sexual excitement as energetic waves –
I am subjected to energy and I am of energy – instead of realizing that I participate within energy and within that I am determined as energy.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to manifest myself as an energy machine as I am always trying to energize myself by ways what I defined as
making me energetically high – instead of realizing that I manifested a polarity equation within high and low based on definitions of the mind.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that if I do not stop participate to pictures and sounds by sexual excitement –
then I am defined and influenced and directed by pictures and sounds.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that I use sexual excitement as attention diversion from what I am here from what I must walk here.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think or believe that my purpose is to strive for sexual excitement.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself according to woman.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define ass and pussy and tits and face as sexually exciting instead of realizing that these are of
the definitions from the mind – as these are not real.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become programmed to seek sexual excitement constantly by stimulating my vision by focusing specific
woman bodies and reacting energetically by feeling the definition and value of what I see for instance a shape of a woman body.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become addicted to sex.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become addicted to orgasm.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not stop participating within sexually arousing pictures and videos because simply in moments I do not
stop because I hope that within my understanding that this is self-deception I will unlikely do so – but in fact – who I am and who I define myself as – is of
this sexual arouse definition system within as I participate – I am of this sexual energy system.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to consider to have sex with another one than my partner who I agreed with to share sexual experiences
with only.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself according to the people who I am with for instance as I am at the office and as men
express their sexual desire – I do the same – even when I am aware of this is of self-deception – instead of standing straight stable within this point as the
practical walk of understanding that realization is when I physically walk the practical stopping within self-deception – regardless of what it is, as for instance
within this case is sexual desire.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself according to the amount of suppressed sexual desire and energy what I build and compound
by accepting specific thoughts and inner reactions for instance watching someone and comparing imagines what I saw in past and defined as sexual and exciting.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire for sex with multiple people because then I would define the sexual excitement as multiplied,
so then it would be more effective within energy participation based on my definitions of sexual excitement what are in fact simply self-made, make-belief systems.
I stop define myself according to sexual desire.
I stop define sexual desire as required.
I stop accepting myself as sexual desire.
I stop desire – if I desire – I must realize – I am not experiencing but I am striving for re-live an energetic experience within participating something what
I’ve defined as exciting.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that if I do not move – then my mind move and I am nowhere but of self-definitions.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that participating within such energetic experiences as sexual arouse and excitement is here when
I am not here as myself but of self-definitions.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself as sexual desire.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear from being exposed that I compounded sexual energy because I defined it as ‘bad’.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define sex as something as required otherwise I am not able to release my energetic overcharges what
is the result of costant and continuous participation within thoughts and feelings and emotions,
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that I if I am not applying self forgiveness unconditionally when I experience ANY sex-related inner reaction,
then I am compounding a system within and as me.
It is the only way that when I experience that I participate within sexual-inner reaction what is not physical movement as myself as my partner – I MUST apply
self forgiveness immediately as myself as the inner reaction as I am unifying myself here as fully here as I am here stopping myself as desire one and equal.
I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to compromise myself sexually with the justification of ‘many colleagues do the same and they obviously desire after
sex without realizing that they are participating within self-dishonesty and by that I can do the same without they would say to me that I am dishonest.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compromise myself simply not stating out my starting point clearly regarding to sexual desire as it is
self-dishonesty.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to act as self dishonesty would be normal as others do the same.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that if I do stand out and state out and say who I am according to I am not going to accept desire as myself
within my reality – then I am responsible of what I accept and allow.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear from being judged by my self-defined self-contained sexual desire instead of letting it go simply.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become angry to myself as I participated again within sexual desire and I was took over by the desire wherein
I was not here as myself but of desire as desire.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear from being consumed by sexual desire.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear from physically react to sexual temptation because then it would make me have an extraordinaly energetic
possession of sexual desire.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define sexual arousement as intense.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself according to my definition of intensity.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define intensity according to physical experiences.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define intensity through definitions.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define intensity as good.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define intensity as preferable.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define unimportant what I’ve definet as not intense.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to build up a perceptional shield within my mind to not perceive what I’ve defined as not intense.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define important only what I defined as intense.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear from experience my reality as too intense.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself according to intensity.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that within my participation of the polarity manifestation of intense and not intense – I am of definitions.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that I might defined points within me as not intense as irrelevant instead of realizing that all of myself
are equal and one as myself – the moment is here and if I define a moment as not important as I’ve defined moments according to intensity – then I am not able
to experience moment as reality but as of definitions according to my perceived and self-created dimension of intensity.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to provoke being moved by moments what I’ve defined as intense.
I forgive myself that I Have not allowed myself to take self responsibility by realizing that if I am leaving even one ‘gate opened’ within my mind – I am not able to
remain here as there will be gates where I will still accept self dishonesty.

For instance when I am realizing that I participate within sexual energy and desire – then I let it go and I do say, I am here focusing on stopping participation within
desire – but then if I still accept thoughts according to other things than sexual desire – – then I can not be sure that the same starting point of self-dishonesty
is effectively being stopped – because I change only the picture within my mind – but the energetic, polarity-based participation in fact is the same.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that if I do accept sexual desire within me then I will accept sexual desire within my surroundings also.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to consider my starting point and actions based on what is best for all.
I forgive myself that I have not realized that if I do consider my starting point based on my self-interest – I am not able to grasp the starting point of what is best
for all.
I forgive myself that I have not realized that understanding process and the necessity of Equal Money System is not enough – I actually must become the act as the
manifestation – otherwise I am not one and equal within my deeds and my words written and speaken.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to practically develop and discipline myself to be able to remain here consistent without participate within backchat.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself according to backchat.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to stop backchat within myself at the begining instead of realizing that I must breath and remain here and experience
Physical constantly as myself and if something would try to get my attention within myself from the definition of the past – then I stop, breathe, I am here, I release.

If I experience back chat, if I experience thinking, if I experience this energetic participation within my head – I physically breathe, I let it go – I forgive, I stop.
If I experience an inner reaction towards somebody’s words – for instance thinking that I should ‘answer’ to somebody that ‘something’ – then I should realize
– this is of self-definition and I should remain silent instead of speaking the mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize when I am not here but as of energetic experience of being continuously driven by thoughts.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to apply the tools every day regardless of my energetic experience – simply I forgive myself that I have accepted
to participate within thinking.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as tired if I do not participate within thoughts for a time.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate within thoughts and then defining myself as tired because of participating within thoughts.

Okay, from the beginning, specifically related to family and early watched movies.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define sexual desire as attention divertion from ‘I am here within fear’

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear from facing my fear,
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to escape from experience fear.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that I am alone within this process within this existence.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear from losing myself within this existence as I defined myself less than existence.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear experience myself as less than existence.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear from experiencing myself as less than existence.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to perceive myself as less than existence.
I am one and equal as existence as myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear from experiencing existence as myself.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear from experiencing existence because then I would lose myself within the experience of existence –
instead of realizing that I am one and equal with and as existence – if I am one and equal as fear as existence – I am separated from myself.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself according to fear.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to move according to fear or move according to avoiding fear.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that what I fear of – is also myself.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear from losing myself instead of realizing that who I am really – I can not lose.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that if I am breathing here as within awareness as I am here as the physical – then I am not of fear.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define sex as a diversion attention from fear.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself according to fear from fear.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to perceive myself according to avoiding confrontation with my fear.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that if I think – I fear.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think to equate the energetic charge of my fear.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize – that if I think something about – it is within and as the words what I fear of.
I forgive myself that I Have accepted and allowed myself to use fear as an excuse from not stopping participate within fear.
I forgive myself that I have accpeted and allowed myself to conceal the fact that I fear by for instance smiling, because if I act as smiling – probably no one would
note that I fear.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge others when I see them as they fear – instead of realizing that my judgment towards others according
to fear – is judgment towards myself.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that within judging others – I am exposing myself as self-dishonesty – so within that – I can realize my
self dishonesty.
I am here as breath as act as physical movement within the interest of what is best for all.
I do not accept myself not moving because of fear – I stand up to fear as one as equal – I walk through fear by writing and self forgiveness.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear from facing the consequences of my deeds – instead of realizing that it is inevitable.

Some direct experiences

When my mother was having sex with a guy and I was listening in an other room and I felt excited and I could not sleep because I felt like I was falling into
eternity what made me feel like I was falling out from myself and I defined this undefined as fearful and avoidable.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear from experience reality as myself.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear from experiencing my human physical body physically.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define experiencing physical as too intense.
I forgive myself that I Have accepted and allowed myself to define something as too intense what I would not prefer to experience as I defined it as I can not handle it.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear from not being able to handle an experience because I can not predefine everything so it is unknowno.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define unknown as fearful.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define unknown as avoidable.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define unknown as fearful.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define acting physically as unknown and fearful.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define thinking as preferable according to acting because apparently thinking is not as fearful as acting
instead of realizing that by thinking I am already in fear.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define specific experiences as arousing according to my definitions of what is arousing of what I’ve defined
as attention divertion from myself here.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think about a colleague who I’ve defined as sexually arousing – instead of realizing that I am reacting to
my own definitions and she is not at all responsible for what I experience according to her as arousing.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that many times I participate within sexual desire when I’ve defined myself as I am tired or I am bored.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define entertainment as required when I do not want to face myself.

to be continued

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