Decision

I did not write here every day as I planned.
When I do skip a day – I have to discipline myself on the next day – otherwise I will skip more than one days – then after all – I will start it again.
Tomorrow at 8AM I am going to dentist, end of wisdom teeth part 2 – this will be operated out as well, this time the doctor says it will be about a hour.
I told to my boss that tomorrow I may late, if I will be not comfortable with working, I will skip the day.
It is a great opportunity to breath through uncomfortable experiences without reacting to definitions.
It is a great opportunity to let go the preconceptions and judgments about how and why I keep my breath back, holding it and trying to escape the reality – but in fact I am reality.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I can be separated from reality.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to avoid experience direct reality in order to avoid specific experiences what I defined as avoidable.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to let go my fear from syringe because I’ve defined it as avoidable because the pain I experienced by it.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that if I do skip a day without blogging effectively self honestly – then I will want to write blogging every day.
And wanting and actually acting is two different stories.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give up or give in to something what I did not discipline myself to do for a moment and then I let the whole thing go because I judge it as ‘it’s already fucked’, instead of realizing that when in the moment I realize that I gave up, ‘fell’ so to speak for a moment – I do re-align myself immediately, I do let go the judgment, I do not use this moment of ‘fall’ as an excuse and justification for the next moment to not stand up even within the realization that in fact I fell and I decided to not to.

The complete energy mind is taking over in every single moment when I am not able to direct myself as myself.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that within the moment I give into the mind – then the mind is directing me.
I decide to stand up from self-accepted justifications as breath as act as all as one as equal.

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