Today, after returning from work, finally I brought home to my ‘final’ piece of music instrument, a high quality pre-amp for my new microphone – and I did cook, but until I could not try the microphone out – I did not eat, rather I did some gChat with my partner, Suszti, she was telling me that she is feeling becoming mad, and I ensured her with tons of smiles that she is already mad, no problem, let’s develop infinite self-will and move self within self honesty – but then she was off to make her child to sleep, and I was about to wire in the new mic and the preamp, but then I realized: I do not have the XLR cable for it – I lend my microphone cable with my old mic a week ago, so then I jumped out to the nearby music shop to get another one – then I came home, tested it out – works brilliantly – at least some quality….
So then I made and ate a pasta, then I did take a nap – I do this when I ‘feel’ tired, especially when my eyes are tired from all day watching screens.
So, then I woke up – and I did not move – I took my ‘time’, then I realized, I was not moving.
I did take a nap because I wanted to do many things tonight – then I did not move after waking up, about 5-10 minutes – thats’ odd, I noticed, so then I started to see what is happening. There was no energy, no urge, no desire, no fear, no reason to move me – so I did not move. It was obvious: I must move me by Self-Willed Decision.
In these cases I have the ‘feeling’ of I am extremely tired – what can be because of exhaustion by depriving my sleeps – or simply no energies to move me.
So I took my time and to be sure – I did take one more small nap, then I woke up and I still felt ‘unnaturally’ tired.
In this case – it also can be that I did not drink enough water, so I am dehydrated, so I pushed myself to stand up and drink water – then I realized – I must be refreshed after a hour of sleep, so I took a bath and the perceived tiredness is gone.
Now, here I sat down and I am continuing with SRA lesson, it is fascinating to do it – and mostly I do have resistances and in the last moments I would pick it up, but the continuous application of pushing this point starts to manifest:
-I wrote a lot of times about this is high priority to do, so I am absolutely sure about I want to do it, there is no other way.
-I already understood that unconscious and subconscious resistances are especially ‘nasty’ about to make me procrastinate this specifically, so in the last week I wrote and said aloud self forgiveness according to this, to not allow myself to being stopped do SRA by any resistances.
-I installed a calendar to my phone what is getting filled with my ‘todos’ in physical timeline, so I can see, being noticed and I am able to manage my activity.
So by these points – I am not surprised that by nothing else but me, I sit here and I do the lesson, I am absolutely not tired, I am not sick, I am doing it as myself.