i think of something
and i think of what i would not like to have
because i think what i like to have — then it is an attitude to ‘wait for’ the one what i would not like – then when it happens – it is already ‘suspected’ to have this, so no surprise, no disappointment — but when the one happens what i like to have – (experience) – then i am glad
this is a program
this is not self direction
i forgive myself to define what i would like and polarize with the one what i would not like – and then by expecting the one what i would not like – i am a slave of my definitions – expectation – i spectate the situation – from an external point – not as myself — expectation
I forgive myself that I think of something – instead of acting as awareness breath presence without separation – – the separation what is perceived only when I am in active participation within and as the mind consciousness system.