Contact dance session was quite physical – I’ve recorded 70 minutes with about two dozen of people are moving around – it was interesting – I was able to directly see in several moments when I was tending to go ‘inside’ instead of be here as physical.
Some moments it was like I was going inside because of I was like thinking about what I judged here — and also there were moments when I had a bit of desire after specific experiences and then as I judged it – also I was going into detailed self delusion by ‘leaving’ physical as body but not as self presence but into and as mind – and in fact being trapped within the body and directed by mind but not being aware of the situation.
So it was great to see this and I moved through – many times I assisted myself with continuous movements of my fingers – like moving them all around while I was watching or slowly moving – I was not in the touching phrase – as I decided not to contact dance but mostly being busy with the camera to direct it and when I let the camera simply record – I played some music – and I was a bit surprised that my musical expression became stable and I was able to play along without judging me and being afraid of being heared and fear of making mistake and influencing others with my mistake – there were occasions when my drumming slipped – and I pushed through and corrected it and it was fascinating how I was able to express along with many people – I must push myself to be able to be seen, to be able to heard – as I was living in my cave – I come out and stand and express.
I manifested resonantly some kind of connection with dance and music and this kind of ‘artistic, energetic, flowing’ people in my ‘free’ time along with my job time when I am connected with the ‘structured, programming, creator’ – and I am embracing all as myself here.
I stand as principle – as I am speaking of equality but I am living it and if I live and push and I face with dishonesty – I can stop instead of judge – because as I judge – I remain as self dishonesty – instead of without judging – moving and changing and stopping and revealing and sharing and expressing self here.
I also must advise that I had this resistance to go and move along with people – it was not desire – but sometimes I wanted to but I decided to not to go in – and this I must explore – I face physical and I expose and I stand as self honesty and the internal process must be externalized and equalized within human relationship one and equal.
Amalgamating myself with and as everything and stopping reactions – being aware of each and every single movement of me and see – am I am moving or I am being moved by what?
In fact if I am asking that am I being moved? I am revealing already that I am not aware – I am not here. So the point is always here, the point is obviously me what I can stop by living the decision as principle.