Walking breath breathing walk.
I could not let the XTK unnoticed – I will get it, it will be here soon.
I will support my family with a bit money in every month – mother and her husband are a bit out of the box in these days – mother attempted to commit suicide but then ambulance came and washed out the overdosed medicines – her husband did the same about some months before – now she is in the closed part of psychiatry – and her husband could not be much time without her at home – he is defined as alcoholic – so he went after my mother – they are quite freaky sometimes and mostly are always on drgus(pills prescripted by doctor) – so at these days they are a bit more happy and stable so to speak — the system is taking care of them, they are held by the facility and my mother told me that when woke up she cried for one day – and she realized something — I told her that I will see..
Her husband told me that the cause of why she did it is because of the lack of money – I did not agree with that point – also before I went to South Africa – I told my mother that I will give some money for them to not suffer financially – for me it is not a big effort to give them about 80 euros per a month – and they will think less — I always wanted to do this but before I was too occupied with myself and with my issues – years before I spent most of the money to drugs and parties and travels and hi-tech stuffs — after that I payed back my loans – and then I was busy to have great computer, music instruments, audio studio, video stuffs – now they are here – so I can give them some – I told my mother that I will be able to give them until I have this job – after that possibly not…
But then I wont accept any excuse from my mother about not enouh money they have to survive – so will see this support will help her self support to be able to face herself and writing – will see…
My sister is not stopping call me about to visit her and her boyfriend and also my mother at psychiatry.
I say that I have many todos especially my second job – what I do about in each second night – for hours – this paysite is not a huge work but at nights I progress more slowly than in the office – and also I am alone… but the progress I see – great experience to see things working what I want to make and manifest – simply because I decided to do so.
That crying thing is fascinating as yesterday I called Gy to go together to a musician guy who I can refer as friend – but she could not come – and after hours she called me that she cried because of her decisions and manifested consequences.
Fascinating. I told her that I can help her change but not whining so it was direct and cool.
Today “I” called me – who I work for with the second job but regardless to the job we can have quite a presence together – she started to grow like a plant and week by week I see how she is waking up so to speak and sometimes it is hard for her to realize what she is accepting and doing – simply by the enormous job quantity she is carrying.
So today she also called me and told me that she cried.
This is kind of cool.
Tomorrow I will continue watching the new SRA lesson and will write about mind construct and timeline – and also some self forgiveness related to an event what I wrote about today. About woman and energy and how I operate as ‘hunter’. Fascinating I must stop this – it is already happening but I must open every point and then embrace the decision to stop all time and remain stable here.