downfall is of consciousness

I direct myself here
I breath here I breath in I stand and I breath out
i release all definitions about how and why I am, I am simply here
I release all desires as I already realized that these make me busy in order to fight against the fact that I accept myself as deluded with the idea of separation – therefore to balance that out – I ‘invented’ this ‘inner lean’ to deceive myself to be able to ‘operate’ on a ‘normal’ level.
Most of my revelations came from energy-based-manipulations – almost all of self-abuse by manipulation of the substance and it’s effects on mind.

As I accept some points as separated directive principle within my life – these will direct me instead of me being here directive.
This downfalls what I experience…rarely but surely – are part of a big cycle of energetic compound movement – way more of being simple but at it’s core it is – polarity-based systematic self-justifications about me to survice, being entertained and being ‘interested’ in realization.
But in fact – any ‘interest’ can be deception – because it is not an interest to be self-honest – because this is who I really am and if I allow myself even for a moment to not be self-honest – than I am revealing that I am not self honest.
I tend to be hard on myself in a way what can be seen as harsh but in fact – there is no such thing as moderate self-honesty – it is here as stable, constant self-expression – or it is conditional and therefore not self-directed, self-willed, it is not real.
The point is to be absolute self honest or to be absolutely self-dishonest?
It is a process, however if I put myself into a construct of an ‘imagined’ process – that can be easily a good base of self-deception by using it as an excuse for self-justification, for a polarity overweight for the self-interested self-deception.

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