self forgiveness on definitions etc

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hesitate.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hesitate to express myself because of hope and lack of self trust in every single moment.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that the lack of awareness of and as breath expression – shows that I am not here – I am not inner silent.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to try living by excuses and justifications about why I am accepting myself as thinking – instead of acting immediately and not allowing myself to wheel up within myself with thoughts, emotions feelings.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that if I am not expressing out myself within every moment as who I am inside – I am compounding the tension/stress within myself – and then I am becoming an atombomb what is preparing to explode — instead of expressing myself and releasing the ideas of how to perceive and act.
I forgive myself that I have defined myself somebody who can have everything or nothing – played out and controlled by extreme polarities – and limiting myself to these as I am black or I am white – instead of being aware of how I participate within such definitions and forgiving and releasing them – remaining inner silent.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed to define myself according to sex or according to the lack of sex.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself according to sexual desire.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define good to suppress sexual desire.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to emotionally manipulate beings around me in order to have what I want – instead of being direct and trust self as moment as breath expression.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think while I am reading – instead of realizing how I defined reading as thinking – and stopping it.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am gonna be tired if I do something.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that I am going to be tired if I am thinking.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that as I am ‘moving into the mind’ – I am becoming a programmed robot – as I am not here as the physical – but I am within and as this mind program and perceiving everything trough the lens of definitions, laws, regulations– then I am not here, I am not real.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that within desire – I am desiring after what is already here – so within the act of desire – the act of realizing how and why I separated myself from what I desire for. It can be girl, sex, object or any idea what I do not experience but I want to.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to unconditionally let go of the past – letting go who I was, who I defined myself to be here, and be the expression of moment as breath.

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s