Walk in the forest

I’ve walked in te forest and some stuff revealed.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed to realize that I had a hidden desire/hope that within the nature my thoughts can stop automatically – instead of taking self-directive self-responsibility and apply self-forgiveness and discipline myself to push myself as breath as expression here within the physical as walk as breath as movement as words.

I walked in the forest and I stumbled into a little airport where those planes fly what do not have engine, but an another pulls them up and then releasing and they flying in circles using the wind and then come down…
It was fascinating, the planes got into air so easily, it was even not so fast, like 50-80 km/h on the grass when they just took off…
I was wondered about what is necessary to ‘drive’ a plane like this what is just sailing in the air after being pulled up.
There was a group of people, the staff, some desks, kind of tiny airport with 20 people, also some cars and dogs.
I let myself to think about ok, maybe it is not so complicated, so I could try, but in fact I realised that I am just like those planes – something pulls them up and then sailing in the air, by having some directive -yet the main direction is determined and short…

So then I calmed myself with ‘on internet I will find it out’ – and then I just could not suppress this curiosity, so when the ‘puller’-combustionegined plane landed, I went to the pilot and asked what is necessary to try those sailers out…
He was quite old yet fast moving and just said to me, that there is a course about some months and then I can try – and two old men just arrived to speak with him from the forest and one of them said that ‘Come there, you can ask that, you can get every information’ – and I said, ‘Ah, on the internet also I can’ but he said, ‘what internet, you are right here’- so I went and asked one girl with sunglasses and bikini and there was a man with her sitting near the desk with a radio and he explained how it works.

It is like 3 months, every friday two hours course, from november to january and then 60 flies and if all goes well, at the end I will be able to fly myself without a tutor(of couse with those sailing planes). And the price about the whole stuff is about 600euros…

So then I continued my walk towards the next village when I stumbled to an old pair to ask where is the village, when he asked about
-Were you at the airport?
-Yes – I said.
-Did you try to be a passenger?
-No, but I asked what needs to be a pilot my own.
-Well, you look perfectly who could do that well.
-Indeed, it seemed to be not so complicated.

But I’ve considered that my intent is to move my ass to SA, and in fact to get some musical instruments before, so probably I wont this try…

It was a dream from childhood to fly an airplane – and the best beginning would be these sailorplanes. So maybe one day..
In fact my eyes are not so sharp than before and my vision was to fly with a hydroplane between islands – just like in some movies from my childhood…

So this is like a programming, what is probably not who I really am, just an accepted influence and self-definition…

But fascinating how I interpret the events and symbols related to my inner mindset…
Like i express my interest and push myself trough my suppressions and then a lot of support can come to help me – and many times I apparently chosed within my life between things and probably I ‘chosed’ those what apparently I had support available.

This was shown up within my ‘spiritual lightworker worshipping’ as well – and until I was very strong and determined – I could find support to make things work – but as I started to doubt about it’s meaning or I questioned – it started to be shaky and every support I ‘lost’ as those were never mine just I was going with the wind…

It happened with music as well – in a period of time, I was with musicians, many were very good, talented etc, and showed me things, and teached and got things to me easily but this is not really strong – because I decided to do it my own – to see is this really who I am?
Because I wanted to prove to myself – so within the prove I can lose myself because then I am the prove instead of myself..
As Leila and Gian explained that if something is necessary to be proven that is just a mindfuck – because there is nothing to be really proved – I am here and I express myself and that’s it…


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