I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire for sex without actually exploring myself here about why and how I desire – because I already realized that desire is of and as self-dishonesty – and if I accept myself to desire – I am accepting myself as self-dishonesty.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as desire as energy – and defining that I am less energy when I desire a lot – revealing that I am defining myself as energy as desire as dishonesty.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that I built up a system within and as me what is measuring the amount of self-dishonesty and this measurement has to be within a specific domain to remain the current being who I perceive myself to be.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear from ‘too much’ energy, and fear from ‘too less energy’ – to simply become an organic robot what makes preprogrammed things to avoid these conditions by utilizing it’s developed methods to manipulate indirectly the ‘energy level’ of my mind as me.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define sex as a tool to balance my energy level by releasing too much energy and neutralizing me as mind as energetic manifestation.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as energy – I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as mind – instead of realizing that the mind is became a separate entity within me what is controlling me because I allowed and accepted it to not take self responsibility here as one as equal with and as everything of me.
I forgive myself that I have not allowing myself to stand up when I am experiencing the realization that the past is here and if I react – I am not here, I am remaining within the past – so I push myself to stop, I push myself to explore why the need and urge exists within me to react automatically.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to have more joy when I experience something what I defined as joy – like for example I get a piece of chips and then I want more and more and I go and get – by an event from outside from me.
It is the same with touch, hug, kiss, sex – I trust myself within and as the moment and I face what I have accepted and allowed myself to manifest – and then in a moment I do hug with a being and then I want it more – then I want more!
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to suppress myself to an extent when I am being directed trough my suppressions and literally I do something what I am not directing, but I am being directed – for instance ‘loosing my head’ when somebody is fondling my body – and then by memory the urge arises to want more and to become excited and aroused –
This is a transcendence point – when I am facing with the truth – I am here and then I am realizing that the past is here – and when I let it to direct me – I just prove to myself that I am my past – and I am not here – I am not exploring what is here(or yes for a moment – like I said – that: the past is here lol) and then I am here as my past – not as my actual expression as who I am as moment.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use as an excuse to want to have sex or orgasm just because in the last years I’ve suppressed it extensively – instead of realizing that I was worshipping to keep up the status quo within my fight within my mind as myself — instead of stopping reacing and stopping being dishonest.