Push

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hesitate within applying self forgiveness in the moment because of I have allowed myself to being directed – instead of stopping immediately, breath and express myself accordingly to be absolute self honest to stop participating within thinking.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define complexity as more divine than simplicity because I have allowed myself to judge myself according to my dishonesty and trying to hide within complexity – based on my self definition related to what others should perceive about me and seeing other’s limits, and stepping one step further, basically as a system works – and if I tend to be complex – then I can define myself as unpredictable, and then I could have more freedom by others would tend to define me as unpredictable but in fact this is separation, this is limitation based on self-doubt, fear from facing myself.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to be unpredictable, because of the fear that then others would see who I am here and then they may reflect back to me what I have accepted and allowed myself to express – and then this facing would mean realization and it would mean change.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear from change.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear of change.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge the word change as unpredictable.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to predict my world to be able to plan to operate in a way what is stable, safe, smooth, easy.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to enhance deining according to being able to notice small particles within the system and operate as a robot and always using this defining system to predict the optimal next step, not realizing that this is the very manifested limitation of myself based on my manifested fear as trying to keep everything on a perceived illusionaric view what is not here but only within my mind as memory, as thoughts, as consciousness.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge beings according to how they can operate as a predictional algorythm and judging them by perceiving their defining/predicting systematic behaviour and then controling and manipulating them according to my definiions, my limitations, what are the inprintings of my fear, of my dishonesty – so basically in every single moment I am facing with my manifested fear and dishonesty until I stop defining, stop thinking, stop escaping, stop fighting, totally, absolutely.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear from being controlled, not realizing that because I have accepted and allowed myself to become controllable trough my fears.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to manipulate beings according to my definitions what self-dishonesties I can see within themselves as fear and manipulating their fear to manipulate them to react – instead of realizing that they are me as one as equal and I am showing myself my accepted and allowed nature of manipulation because of fear.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from others within my mind, instead of realizing that this is only a perception based on participatin within the expression of separation – and I manifested myself as separation.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become separation and trying to separate myself from my separation and separating myself from separation instead of realizing that I am fearing to realize that I have accepted and allowed myself to escape from stoping by keep defining.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to change others because then I would have the perception or reflection that I can change others and then being able to define that I am able to change others than I should be able to change me – instead of changing my application here as moment breath by breath.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to trust in my experiences instead of trusting me here unconditionally -and not separating myself from trust as experience as here as me as one as equal.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myelf to fear from facing with woman and sex because I have separated myself from woman and sex because I am dishonest as I have relationship with my memory and I define woman and sex related to my memory and fear of facing because of the knowledge and memory of possession. Possible possession.
Basically trying to making impossible to face with a possible possession. LOL

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become addicted to woman as relationship as an escape from myself here and then trying to escape from facing this fact – I defined that I avoid women to not allow for them to become addicted to me as a mind object, in relationship as dishonesty – but in fact this is me, I have projected this out and then manifested by manipulating women to become addicted to me to prove that this is a reason to act like that and hide my dishonesty and cover my fear from become addicted. Hm first time I could write this, in the last days I started to open this within me and this is kind a push.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define push instead of being pushing myself here unconditionally.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to remain within the polarity by giving up some relationship with specific self-definitions by manipulating myself by other self-definitions instead of stopping everything within and as me here unconditionally as trusting me as inner silence as breath as self-expression as self-directive principle.

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