I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realise that I wanted to avoid relationship because then I would have sex all the time what I allowed to define as lack of motivation to do anything except that.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to define relationship as sex.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to define sex as basic aim to exists because that was an intense way to divert my attention from what is here to the arousedness etc.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to not realise that within avoiding to have relationship I am in relationship with and as the avoidness of relationship – what is obviously separation.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to let myself to desire after what is looks like a dessert but in fact is an illusion in the desert.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to become so stubborn and not letting to LIVE the knowledge, but denying it and saying it is bullshit and useless and using this as an excuse to not apply but running onto the wall again and again until something intense manifests and then realising that it can not continue anymore anyway.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to see that I avoided to have sex becuse of the fear of being dependent and possessed of it and by it not caring about anything else as world as others as my hobbies or interests – what are look like excuses and escaping paths to avoid this way of expression.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to define art as a transformation of sexual deside and expression to try to divert my desire to it and by it wanting to realise that I do not need sex.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to being dishonest with and as myself in the hope of then I wont have to face with myself as myself and I wont have to actually, practically change – because then my self-definition would fall – would burn down to the core and then I would not have any escape from who I really am.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to participate within pictures to use those by memory to get aroused – not realising that is the lack of self-trust as moment.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to trust in and as myself unconditionally here in every moment – of every day of every lifespan of all existence as me as one as equal.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to define myself as lover – and by denying it not wanting to realise that is self-definition – based on self-fear, because I have not allowed to love myself unconditionally.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to program by media, by advertisements – what are implicating my self-definitions – what can be easily triggered by my acceptance and allowance until I stop here.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to use polarities to hide behind and as – by even knowing that is of separation and simply illusion of the mind.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to release sexual desire-emotional charge but defining it as not right – trying to avoid it until it just explodes and apparently I have no control – and then I can justify or simply I can not do anything about it.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realise that I am the breath of life literally – meaning that as I breath – I am – and if I am aware of the breath – I am one and equal with and as the breath – then I am one and equal with and as myself.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to not trust myself unconditionally.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to fear from lack of money because I spent for things such as extra hard drive or remote programmable robot.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to fear from I can loose my control in the system because I do not have money, because I defined having money as power control within this existence. STOP.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to define myself as tired – not realising that the act of defining creates my perception trough continous self-judgement and memory-based justifications to not need to realise what is HERE.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to use tricks – to deceive others trough my facial and word expressions to manipulate.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to define manipulation as useful – instead of realising that is based on separation – not being one and equal with and as what is actually here.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to fear to trust in myself because then I would become ruthless.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from the word ruthless.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed to realise that I am here as life and no need compassion with the systems to be self-directive.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to direct myself HERE – simply I am here and I direct what is here.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to define orgasm as release – release of emotional burden what I continously accept and allow to build trough participation within thoughts and emotions and feelings.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to define myself according to orgasm.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to become possessed to orgasm – as a programmed organism.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to be aware that when I listen something with headphone and that is over that I am sitting here with theese big earplugs and do not hear anything – an anyway after a while defining it as disturbing.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to supress myself because of self-judgement.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to judge myself.
I forgive myself that I accepred and allowed myself to define who I am according to the judge.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to define judging is assisting because then I always can know what is going on – not realising that is not here, only in my memory as past and trusting and literally being in past – I am dishonest because I am not here as the totality of myself.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to define itchyness as embarrassing.

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s