A dialog with penbus on youtube

A guy wrote some stuff to me onto ‘my’ youtube page
penbus492 (5 days ago)
One question to you I have my friend. Are you a follower of Destine Productions? If you are that is of course your buisness I only ask this. If someone had a messege to give to the world would they not speak in ways that many could understand instead of hiding behind fancy words that are often used out of context and repeated constantly. I find that for me an intelligent educated person that is very spiritual and strives daily to live a life of simplicity it would be more ideal to reveal your messege with simple statements. Some of the redundant videos on that site have obviously came from the ideations of a person with great intelligence and ability to manipulate the minds of others that are untrained to spot such people. I just would like to caution you in sounding a little to much like them. I believe you are a strong wounderful man of a great many talents just speak from the heart and it will be easier for others to understand you.

I answered to him:


I simply experience what is here – no matter what it means – I cant follow any spy-ritual humblebumble because I see it is simply illusionaric, belief+desirebased separational manipulation – I was in this for yyyears and simply had to realise – only my self-honesty can be real – am I absolutely self honest with and as myself and others as one as equal practically in and as every single breath or not? Because I traveled and Ive seen earth is getting to be like hell – most of the planet is suffering..The only truth what can be applied all over through and as existence is oneness and equality. And if desteni sais this – I am supporting. If you dare, look at some videos – those are not manipulating – simply common sense is applied …the humans are already manipulated – many pull ate d or man I pull hated…
And any separation is of perception of mind – so the mind(memory) has to be totally released to experience what is here, who we are – not simply know, but LIVE – and experience…

if you look at f.i the law of attraction – is about polarity – good and bad – this is manipulation – because for me to have good – other should suffer – because here in the phisical is already here – as the nutritiens, oil, wood, money etc are determined – because it is a system – with systematic behaviour, systematic laws and this can not be played out with polarity – because is like a boat in the ocean: Not having too big canvas because then can fall trough wind and not so little to have speed – and not sinking and etc – but what if I can be all the ocean?
Because I realised – as desteni – that I am the wholeness of everything – I am all as life as me as one as equal – here – because I am here – look at the words:
we are here – this is not our phisical location – this is who we really are…
we are HERE – so what is HERE – I am not separated from really – only trough and as within the definition-based perceptional mind system – what is just an idealistic programmed model of what is HERE…
So is like a filter – can not let humans experience what is here – who we are HERE.
But unfortunately within the massive amount of experience …trough and as the expression within and trough this mind-definitionbased memory matrix – the beings as humans also definied who they are based on the whole methodology of perception – as the mind…
Is like in a computergame – a character in the game what can only run, kick, get energy and slash and if there is no more command – it can not even act about what is here – what about if other can control me trough theese commands – am I real?
Because this is the most fascinating point? About why people fear? Because fear from truth: because are not real. The body is real, the trees are real, but humans perceiving themselves based on their memory – is not real – so within this fear of loosing their indentity of their memory – because if will disappear – they will as well disappear – so will be…

Because the only real is the phisical – am I can be one and equal with and as the phisical? Because until I do not dare me to be HERE – I can not transcend – and if I can not transcend then I am less and I am simply slave of it – banned to remain it’s puppet trough the slave and dependant on ‘energy’ or ‘happiness’ what are simply another mind-based definitions…

So I rather say desteni is says something what can be understood within and as self-honesty – and not about belief – more likely – can I realise myself to stand up for and as all life to face the truth here and stop being dependant on mindbased thoughts, feelings, energies, emotional systems or I just remain all day the same who I became?

Because obviously thoughts makes humans to not be here – no excuse – all are within the head – little slices from the past what stuck because of separation.
And theese taking granted: causing mass-mass illusion.
So for me is self-honesty the key to find out from the thoughtbased- mind-maze, because from the thoughts humans dont see, do not experience what is HERE.

And one more point within common sense. What is separation?
Separation is the perception what causes me to not experience something – what indicates my own limit. Because what is separated from me – I do not experience. What I can define – I do that for grab it for the moment – for define – but look at the very act of definition – within the definition – I am within my head – instead of experience the ‘subject’. So by investigating this definition-separation – it has it’s story – kind of tube – from first occurence to this actual reoccurence.
But in fact if I experience something – I do not need to define – which does not mean that I can not say – I drink water – but to be one and equal with and as what I speak and what I act and what I experience – the act of thinking is unnecessary, more likely – brings me from here into my head.
So I realised thinking is supression, and acting is more real – and I can live without thinking, and basically all thoughts based on fear, even the best ones…
So I do not suggest any being to trust in their thougts – instead of write them and investigate where theese come from – even those what are about self-definition..about who I am? What this means for me? How I define the basics of what I experience? And this can lead self to trust into the moment — and just breath – and express and express and express – as the kids do…
So it is about this concisely, and I realised – the more education I got the more useless knowledge came into me but in practicality this means nothing…
Because if I dare me to stop – I say I direct me, because I am self-directive, then I say – ok I stop. And then I see – did I stop? What moves within me? Why I think, Why I want to go there or say enough…this is the mind…and there is no separation – I can not fight the mind – but by understanding and becoming one and equal – as the mind as me – then I can say STOP – and then all stops and I am here as simply breath and I experience everything here within me as me – without definition – without separation…



penbus’s answer:

Thank you my brother for your comment. I realy think that you have a gift on your hands. You do have a way with personifing your statements. I wish to talk with you about some things but I have to say my dear it is a bit difficult to understand what you are saying at times. This is not an attack nor would I wish to attack myself wich in attacking another would be to attack myself simply for the fact that we are one and all connected. Now I do undersatnd a great deal of what it is to be human and connected or seperated from things because I am in fact human and, have experianced life just as many others have done so. Now everyone has there ideas of how the world works and what not and, there are many different truths. I am not here to dispute any of them only to convey that it is difficult to understand what you are saying when you speak and in return can cause someone to either leave your video or ignore the messege you give. Even when people are watching I can gaurentee that some may think that your words are confusing but, fear rejection or the lable of being stupid however, this should not be the case when you are teaching someone life lessons. You should try to be clear and understandable. All I am saying is that it is very hard to understand your wording of things. for example….the last paragraph in your comment to me “Because if I dare me to stop-I say direct me, because Iam self-directive, then I say- ok stop. And then I see-did I stop?What moves within me? Why I think,Why I want to go there or say enough…this is the mind…and separatiion-I can fight the mind- but by understanding and becoming one and equal- as the mind as me- then I can STOP- and then all stops and I am here as simply breath and I experience everything here within me as me- without definition- without seperation”… i have passed this paragraph on to many friends and even my college profesor and they have all said the same thing besides the incorrect useage of verbage Example ( Because if I dare me to stop) It should be because if I dare myself to stop. Its not just about the words out of context it is completely confusing to hear you speak and to see your words on the screen. I want to be able to understand you so for me please speak in simpler terms. At least when you speak with me. I dont care if people think I am stupid I know the truth and would just like things to be simple in my life. Thank you dear friend. I do have many things I would love to talk with you about but I am not sure if I will understan your reply completely.

my answer:

thanks for reading my looong and con fusing posts – I like to play with words – sometimes too much as a child….

Hohoho you can not be stupid – unless you define yourself as it(why?) – but just do not do – words create worlds – instead of if you read this – just read it as it comes – if you dont understand – then just dont – maybe I did not write well down – does not really matters – everything what you experience – you make it – is you – any separation is just programmed perceptional fearbased reaction what can be released trough self-trust and self-direction….

Ah yes – my english is not well perfect as I am hungarian and I can agree with you – can be difficult to read, soorry – that the words are speaking about me – I am in developing more accurate expression to be able to say what I am one and equal…

IRL I can express myself more likely because of the hands and the mimic and the eyes etc…And I have tendency just write as a kid without thinking – and I like it – I no need to think to express myself – is like an external metal skeleton – not fluent, not alive…

The truth is funny thing because there are multiple truths ‘out there’ – that’s why I realised none can be trusted -even science, even desteni – because my truth is me – within my experience – within the moment as I am here and breath and facing with the world.
Because if I trust in a truth what comes from outside – I trust in that because I do not trust me – because I want to trust, I want to BELIEVE to have a hook to hang on to not fall…
So I prefer to trust me as truth – I find out, I am the truth already as I am already HERE. Just let dare myself(not me:) to see – without filters…

I can not trust in the system as ‘god’ or ‘matrix’ anymore without trusting in myself – because I see that is tough – 30000 odd child dies on each day – and is truth – can not be denied – only can be ignored…
But in fact I see this wholeness as me – I am responsible for my world =- as I am here – so I do not participate within fight for instance – I do not fight against of my nature – my desires, instead of seeing as it is and why it happened – and then seeing it’s core I can forgive that I separated myself from it’s core as for instance fearing from relationship because then I can loose myself.;..then I see it is a memory – is not here anymore – but as I fear of it – I simply did not change – that’s why I do not trust me, that’s why I fear from manifest – and that’s why will manifest if I do not change…
So each of ourselves is responsible for the current manifestation of this world – and is kind of truth…Can be denied but is still here – and we can experience…But for being response-able for this world as me as one as equal – first develop self-trust – that I can be responsible – or more likely I can face this responsibility what is already here but I did not wanted to see because of the fear – of need to change…
(brrr I could write for years about it but you see it is deep)

That’s why I say everyone should start to trust themselves to develop self-trust to be able to realise self-truth. Because it is just simple that I decide to see what is my real truth or not? Why I am like this? Who I am and how it happened that I am this person at the moment? Why I like sweet food more likely than bitter is cool example… Beacuse Every single part is kind of formed out from the undefined void – and was already here – but as it formed – this self formed – and if we can understand how we came to this moment, to this place, time – from birth – we can understand ourselves and we see some parts are manifested just because of some childhood fear or an accidentally fall – and it is not here anymore – but in my memory – in the cells is still here – so influencing me here at the moment…

And that’s why I am not here as my totality – because I split into particles – this is the separation – into past as memory – into future as desires, fears – what are indicating how I separated me from the absolute and infinite moment what is always HERE.
And if I understand how I operate – I understand how I became and then I can change – not only in knowledge, but within and as the expression – to trust me to be momentary expression and direct me as there is no future – no past – because if I care about those – I am separating myself from myself – even about other people ‘there’ – same – and this came from the self-definition since childhood what simply can be changed…
trough self-honesty…self-forgiveness, writing – as desteni explains…

In the mail – at the last part I just wanted to show up a practical observation about self-movement and self-direction…
I was practising for instance zen for a while some years ago…and interesting to see when people ‘do’ meditation…
(So at the moment I have no idea what I want to write for you here – just I trust me that I can express what I experience…but like this I can be more sure that I do not send to you something what is kind of knowledge from library because that is just raw data without application…)
So when I did the meditation for years – it became my drug(I used it as an excuse to do instead of facing my ‘problems’ here(financial, relationship, doubt etc), and I had to realise that the interesting point is when I say ‘I want to meditate’ – alone, or between others(and speficicly I say when people not do some together as ‘all meditate until 21h – but just all do as they want)…so the question is when I sat down – what was my motivation to sit down – and when I stood up – what was the cause for standing up…
And for me after a while did not matter how much I sat – because I saw that this does nothing really – because I could stop me until just breathe – but in fact as I stood up – everything came back…as I did hug a girl the desire just came back and the point what I say is not about not to hug – but the starting point of who I am at the moment – regarding to every single particle what I can perceive – like one or two or hundred – but one by one I can be aware about this ‘piece’ of anything what means in my life and why? And is this really who I am?

Because of course I wanted to be free – because I realised I was dependent and possessed to specific thoughts – and I did let myself to be directed trough – and finally as – theese thougts – because my childhood just was not ‘perfect’ from the perspective of getting everything what I wanted.
But to step one more further – I see that: what I wanted – was also an effect of an another cause – why I specificly desire that kind of girl and why I did let to this to end up as a habit.

And when I say I stop – I wanted to say that can I direct myself according to what I really want – and in fact while experiencing this “I STOP” – why I want to stop and what I want to stop?

Is kind of program – computer program as I see – a graph – and in this graph there are pictures – what has been set up by simple words – and by theese words – pictures built up – and this is a HUGE graph in my head – and by input – this graph – puts out words in specific reactions – simply as I see the world – by my mind – and it is just because of it’s size – does not exclude that can be simply a model.
A model of what I learnt to perceive as myself.
And by this model I simply programmed myself – and by this – I am within my own program of systematic behaviour pattern as my personality – as myself.

And basically I see here that this is not who I really am – and when I say I stop – I can stop who I really am – but because of the intense relationship network what I built up according to my perceived experience – I automaticly react within this system as this world.

And the raper is the same – the killer is the same – simply reacts in a specific way as it let to happen – who is the responsible?
His teacher? His mother? The president or Julius Cesar? Or me?
Why me? Because I did let it happen – and ignorance is not bliss – because it looks just an excuse – when I see that who I really am here and realise that everything what is here – because I am here.
So if I did let to happen – I allowed and accepted – so basically I am responsible – as everyone collectively.

SSsoo I like to write – I write always anyway – because it is stable and is one and equal with me if I just write in self-honesty as it comes and just breath and typing…

I tried to explain some things in my videos and some are just great – and there are some cool faces on youtube who can express – ‘another desteni vloggers’…


after then he posted to my youtube page this:
penbus492 (5 days ago)

I had a bit of trouble understanding your verbage. Please explain a little better without all the funny within and as the moment talk that souns alot like Destine Productions and that becomes very annoying to the intelligent beings that actually understand words and sentences that make sense.lol. I’m not sure if its because you are hUNGARIAN AND MAYBE NOT THAT FAMILIAR WITH ENGLISH OR IF MAYBE YOU were just being poetic however, it is very hard to understand that kind of talking so please dont be offended I just would like to actually hear what you have to say.

and finally I wrote this :

talamoon (1 day ago)
you have to find out what theese words mean – not just a phrase LOL


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