Self-forgiveness: obsession

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to want to survive.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to become surviver.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to fear from death so I wanted to survive.
I forgive myself that I accepted and alowed myself define to taking a deep breath as good.
i forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to define taking a sigh as good – because I do not let myself to express all ways here as breath – but I already know separatedly from the experience that this is who I am: the breath here.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to put worth and value into my shoes, because that is really help me to survive.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to become obsessed with my shoes.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to actually define to have good shoes as safe – because then I can survive in any way – on any terrain.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to want to being able to actually prepared in any give moments to react as extended survivor, because I can face with death at any situation where I have to be aware.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to fear from death – I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to define life as death.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to put worth and value to my shoes – according the memories what I obsess because I defined those memories what I got in my shoes as special for instance being in the Great Pyramid of Egypt.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to fear to let go what I defined as good.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to define good separatedly from me.
I forgive myself that I acceptea and allowed myself to define what is good – according to my other definitions – so being the absolute slave of my definitions. STOP.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to fear from not being able to run away because I do not have good shoes.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to wanted to hide in a wardrobe.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to run away.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to want to run into the forest and being lost.
I forgive myselft that I accepted and allowed myself to want to run away from society.
I forgive myself that I desired to live in a cave with a girl separatedly from society.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed to want to live in a cave to become enlighted.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to believe that I can be enlighted.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to become obsessed with the perceived idea of enlightenment.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to define who I am according to the objects what I have.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to define who I am according the amount of money what I spent on the objects what I have.
I forgive myself to actually fear of not having enough of money.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to trust me within me as me here.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to let me to become obsessed to find a woman.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to do the hunting in the city as looking women as possible partner would be or not – and judging continously for moments and moments and after an emotional ‘chargeup’ experience realizing what I participate in and as – STOP from the first thought, I dare me to stop. Because I know what it makes, I understood that I deceive me and I deceive my sphere of influence as one as equal here.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to stand alone – without desire, without fear, without without judgement.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to supress my fear – instead of writing down, finding it’s core, and letting go – because of the emotions what I experience from – I use as self-definition. STOP.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to judge me before actually experience me.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to fear not having anyone around me.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to want to be director – director of community, director of events, director of movie, director of my life – instead of just be me and directing me allways here – without separation, without definition, wtihout emotion, without desire.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to want somebody to wash my back, because I can not reach and is often itchy.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to become obsessed to scratch my head and wanting to cut down my hair because I have the hope that then I would not have this headscratch – but in fact this is just an indication that I accept a specific area of my mind – so I see what part I try to reach, I see why and self-forgiveness to release, to break this habit.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to define who I am according the size of my hair.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to not cut down my hair because then I could lost the possibility to being attractive – instead of realizing that I am here and the picture presentation is deceptive.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to rush forward while writing self-forgiveness and thinking on the next while typing this here – instead of simply experience that I am here and I am typing this here and experience the fingers, the keyboard, the body, that I am sitting and everything within me as I breath and I let me to express me as typing letters and forming words and I am one and equal with and as the words that I express – here.
I trust me here as I type the words – this is what is actually here – the typing, the touch of O F actually – this is the moment and I trust within and as the moment – because here is everything – I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to define me who I am typing actually right here – instead os just simply being here without any noize in my head – just experience the wholeness of sound – and not letting me to become excited.

excited – exited from the expression here – excited – supressed judgement based fear – I let this unconditionally here as me as one as equal.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to store my memories, my pain, my tiredness within and as my human phisical body.
I forgive myself that I do not let go of the intense anger, supressed tiredness, depression from my palms, from my body because I let myself to define me trough the actual experience of extensive mind-running.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to define me as depressed.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to die when I was depressed.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to define braveness as being able to die in any moment because my life did not worked as I wanted – especially when I was at the university and Cica did not love me so I wanted to die.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to define me according to girls.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to define me according to the feedback of girls.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to desire to be around girls.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to desire to be popular around girls.
I forgive myself that I feared to be totally direct with people, with girls, because then I could loose their positive attitude towards me so I would be alone – so I supressed this and I defined me trough and as this supression, because I experienced this.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to define me trough and as supression.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to forget to experience the fingers as I am typing – to be aware the touch, what is here.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to use my mind as a control room where from I can direct my life, my body – separatedly from me.
i forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that I separated me from metrough the participation of the separation within and as the mind consciousnsess system.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to wanted to have a control room where I can control things, even my body, my experiences.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myselt to wanted to write a robot directing,controlling program, not realizing that I am already within and as one like this.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to put worth and values into pictures.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to fear to being exposed when I am not here.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to promise that I will make a webpage because of the desire to get money and then doing nothing and fearing of the feedback as I am untrustable – and within this I just manifested.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to move me according to the desire to have money within and as separation.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to want to have money without work, without standing up and directing me and the situation as one as equal here.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to find excuses to not live here, because of the lack of money.
I forgive myself that I fear to reman here because then I would let go of everything who I defined to be as me – but in fact I would like – so then I always attempt to experience and then still letting me to stop express me because of the self-judgement.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to define me according to the energetic movement within me around the polarity.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to define what is here is boring.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to want to type fast – so I do not need to be concerned about the typing, just being able to be within and as the mind and the body as cyborg types automaticly. STOP.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to judge typing before I actually experience what is typing here – and I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to define typing as just typing – instead of realize that I am typing – that can not be defined only experienced as expression – always – like ‘one typing’ is not ‘another typing’ – typing as being here and typing can not be defined – only experienced. So I do not need to define – sO I do not need to judge, so I do not need to run away from the experience of typing – because that would mean I am not here – and who I am : what is here.
So I trust me to remain here and experience the actuality of moment.
I forgive myself that I do not let me to experience the typing always.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to forget what I realized once – and causing timeloop and comphounding comphounding until is unbearable and then moving and letting go – unnecessary. So I am aware of typing. Every single key I hit – I am aware – because I am aware of what is here, because I am here as awareness.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to type in an uncomfortable position, because I do not experience my palms because I am in the control room of mind – and if I would be here – that would mean I would experience the uncomfortability what I accepted and allowed to manifest – and that would mean a need to change – an actual participation.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to not want to participate here because I am not here so I did not wanted to be here – so I stop. I am actually here, no escape, I stand up as life as all as one as equal here.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to forget to be aware the typing EACH key what I hit. It is who I am – the touch here.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to supress my breath because I defined focus to be able to participate within something according to the supression of what is here – because I defined what I wanted to define – and within the definitions I lost and the breath is the way out of the mind maze, but I preferred to remain lost – because then I would not have to take self-responsibility, that would mean I would not need to face, to let go my obsession, posesssion of addiction to my own mind because I became dishonest, I became the manifestation of dishonesty. I stop.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to fear from being tired so manifesting it – instead of moving me and pushing me trough the accepted and allowed definition system – to actually see and experience for and as myself what is here, who I am as moment as breath.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate breath and being here – trough the definitions of breath and here – instead of amalgamating, unifying, expressing as one as equal as me as life as moment – as breath here.

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