Self forgiveness

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to hope.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to put value and worth into hope – simply not taking self-responsibility always HERE, because of fearing then I have to face with myself, because then I have to stand up and can not play the accepted loops anymore.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to want to hack/cheat the system – not realising that in that cheating/hacking I cheat/hack me.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to fear from that I am a monster, because of the darkness inside.
I forgive myself that I want things now, because actually I am frustrated with the situation what I actually experience, and I do not want to accept this as the actual me – trying to step out from me what is impossible.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed me to try to get help from others – but in fact the self-realisation is only about me with me within me. Noone can stop my mind – or if yes – that would mean I have no power over me – then if I would re-get this situation – I still could not handle – but if I stand up in every single moment then this is who I am: I am HERE.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to fear from that I am not effective in work – that would mean that I do not use all opportunities to do my job – that would then mean I let me direct by events and not me directing me – here.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to swallow in my mind – not considering that I am here as breath.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to think that I am special – this is because of the separation – because I do not experience others, I am alone, I am left alone and to find reason and justification to be able to remain this – building definition-based castle about how I am what I am who I am – but if I realise the definitions of me are just like papercards and can burn, I can blow them away with a self-honest sigh – then I am here the being without the castle around what made me alone.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to think about what I would like to do but I can not at the moment so in the fear of I will forget, in the fear of I will not dare me to do this – I used mind-definitions as thoughts to program my behaviour to do this – and by this – the predefinied system manifests what is fear-based – instead of me being here as expression of moment as life.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to define me as lazy.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to be lazy – what is just self-judgement, because I do not move me in every moment, but in the self-judgement I find justifications and reasons to not express what is inside because of fear – fear from what I will manifest – will be good enough? will stand as me as one as equal? I build self-trust to stand – trough not accepting mind-expression, or if – then facing it’s manifestation.
For example this music stuff – if I do not make music, even when I have the hardware – then it should be just an excuse to occupy me instead of being here as moment.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to hide behind the definitions of musician, of artist.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to define that being in 3D is limited.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to think that being in 3D is limited.
I forgive myself that I aceppted and allowed myself to define my body as limited.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am not this body.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to do something and meanwhile thinking.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to believe that I need to define all the time what i experience to remain stable.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to want to be stable all the time as the mind – not realising that this polarity manifestation is not who I really am.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to program me to associate to sex by specific word as hardcore as pussy as dick as suck as orgasm as cameltoe.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to be dishonest with me in terms of fearing to see what I experience, fearing to write down, fear of sharing because then I as mind am exposed.
Theese thoughts are just like the wild weed in the garden – I accepted and allowed to grow and now it is quite seeding – so I forgive and see the cause and stop participate – and trust me to remain undefined silence to experience what is here.

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