Reactions – location

if someone enters to my presence and says things to me :I do not care to ‘say’ something what is my ‘opinion about truth, until I do not see the inner movement – what can be as fuzzy rule indicated (fearbased definitiondriven) reaction or just something bzzzz that I HAVE TO EXPRESS as MOMENT HERE..
and I have only this one moment to just act or speak –
and if I miss – Something could happen by the frustration(even the smallest, what arised by “I didnt dared myself to express me in and as moment as me”) that I want to define it in the ‘next moment’ to ‘force it to be expressed’ via my definitions – and if I do – I fall – and I do and I am not here —
And basically in this moment I see that “shit, it happened” – what is also cool to not become the tailbiting snake self-eater judgement – but to remember that I have issue to forgive because I see – I choosed deception…

also can occur – that I get to face things – even can be people’s belief about ‘reality’, ‘truth’ —

if I am silence, that I remain silence – if I see the fraction of fuzzy -“reaction by my pre-judged defined limited ‘worldview'(even it is about oneness and equality if it is not lived: just remains as idea) then I have to be quiet – and just be here and be aware what is the moment NOW – let go that as past by simply knowing that it definetly will come back to face -to transcend- so ‘better’ to remember to write out ‘later’ – forgive, embrace etc-because inevitabely all of a sudden I will face with this situation again, BUT NOW it is gone, ‘let that go’ … “another” moment is here, so just let’s remain here in MOMENT what is HERE.
As until I am mind consciousness system – moments are different – and every moment is a transcendence point, that’s why seems to be separated moment…until there is something what defines that moment as separated moment — but in fact HERE is always NOW – so strange
system perspective – moment perspective ..ok let this go…

strange – and as I do ‘this’ –an example comes:::- just an ‘old’ buddhist friend jumped in last night – he was high after a ‘sniff of speed’ and we danced and transferred music files and blabla and he was asking 4 contact for acid & ganja and was interesting – he just checked on web his new pills what kind of effect he can count on — based on other’s experiences(many has just shit, poison, so people here do this for ‘damage-reducing’)- so when he saw the ‘Mercedes triangles’ on pills he became so happy about ‘tomorrow partyyyy’ and I was with him and I was bit innocence in the moment as ‘I am me as before with him’ but I do not take shit – I said when was necessary from ‘hip’ – “high means: down.”

But actually very assisting to realize: ah storm raised, and I didnt hide so I am here, no shelter, so let’s just be here and breath….this “let’s” a bit sounds like splinter like but sometimes it is just like a “PING”, an AHA.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to react* by my definitions – not realizing that is my previous decision’s burden – consequence – what is actually not me but was necessary to react like that by another previously programmed definition/behaviour – so it manifested as an event what can trigger me to ‘activate’ this react* I on to be able to face, realize, understand, transcend the self-dishonesty in and as me.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to wanting to ‘pull over’ the moment what is passed but I didnt expressed myself as self as moment, but I stuck, and like that I desire to “charge out” this frutration about I was not me as expression as moment as me but a mind-based reaction — so this charge out is also definition based programmed reaction what is unnecessary, and not me, so just STOP. Understand that will come back automaticly, so let it go.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to define myself trough other’s perceptions and by this enslave me to determine and limit me.

I forgive myself that I havent allowed myself to forgive myself.


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