I speak about spritualism and giving up.
I have to add some stuff to make whole this story:
– I did a big self-dishonest step: I was about ok, I realized this reality means nothing, all are just visualisation and sense plugin, but I am still here and nothing changed in that moment(2003), only my realization helped me to understand a bit more…but that was more likely a burden…about ok I knew people who were about spiritual stuff, and read some books about what is this all about, and death, and meaning of life and etc… But they was not really commited to this search, but that was just like feeding a hunger, a bit like when people eat chockolete, or citizens sometimes go among trees and enjoying but they clothed as ufos…No..those were more likely the part of the building up their mind consciousness system to be able to define themselves and their inner dishonesties somehow and finding answers what are good enough to explain why and how they are that what actually are… Or just to find excuses why they do not want to stand up as self as all…like some people when readed about spiritual monky stuff, they said, ok I cant put down seks, so I do not want to be enlighted..or I am enjoying music, that one what I will never stop…or let’s take the drugs..there are many people who say that, “I never want to stop smoking m-jane”…Obviously trapped are, but if I ask why? They have different answers, excuses what are exactly showing their accepted nature what choosed to hide behind as what is what do not want to face, so that is that what is afraid of.
And I also am in separation as I write as they and this and that..simply I am separating myself from myself….
The very interesting part of this what I am, what I am doing in and as the moment what I am equal and one with?
And now I write about giving up..the another story is when people do not even want to give up, but now I focus to that part when people already decided to give up, because somehow realized, that would be cool to not do something anymore…
Like the monks are giving up their sexuality…But let’s examine this bit closer… I am giving up some kind of habit, or desire, or act, or anything, BECAUSE?
-The being let him/herself to define that particular as bad, but inside it is cool for me, but knows that is not useful as others already definied that, for example the master comes and say hey do not smoke cigarette, because you are monk…now at this case the being not really understands why has to stop, but has big trust in others and let him/herself to influence trough those who is in relationship with(any kind)
-The other case is when the being realizes that for example: “shit, I am very angry now, but that is not cool, because in this society this is not acceptable, because for example if I exert my anger, I wont be accepted or will be closed in a cage” – and in this case the being has definitions and simply fights against his/her accepted nature by any kind of method, what are of course definitionbased acts/behaviours…The being already realized that is not cool, but not yet understood how it is here, especially why, and what would be the exact movement to be able to handle/avoid/not participate…
-The third part what I realized is the true realization what can change the being in one moment, about to dig and open the whole situation, and the causes, and everything can be seen as an opened book, and trough and as self-honesty in self-intimacy facing with the facts, and everything as was and is now, and by seeing what was the cause, and back-track theese until to be able very clearly to see the cause…Why I did this first time? Why was accepted?
It is obviously the real-I-sation means I real-ise my nature, about WHO I AM.
And if I realize really my nature, I can simply give up everything what I am not. Not fighting anymore, not denying, not hiding, but facing with the truth, “I AM NOT THIS, just because I didnt see the situation and myself clearly, because……..I did this miss-take and stuck.”
But this realization means: I got rid of this? From a perspective yes.
But for example when I realized I was not me when I consumed drugs, many changes just was done – but many remained as that was really deeply in myself.
And as I did this mis-take as I was not equal and one with myself as me as the moment, and I continously did – that built up a construct…Or inside me, or outside of me as manifested reality…
And I would like to give back me to myself this moment of self of silence, but how?
I forgive myself! I forgive myself that I accepted this…And as I am forgiving myself, I am giving the possibility myself to change…and after when the situation comes where I was triggered to act as I am not really, I am aware, that I see that I am not this, and I forgive myself that self-deception, and now this is the time to correct the self trough as self-movement as silence as moment as breath…
And that is very cool, and that is what I am doing, and already did with drugs, hey I am not drug, I am not this, and I understood why I used, how I used, not all, but mostly all I see now in me as me, and I am aware about that is just not working as me as infinity…
This is another interesting perspective, to see me as infinity in the moment. Can I stand in and as infinity within and as myself what I actually participate in, contain, my starting point, and why?
The system needs to stop. Everything is necessary to stop. Because I am this directing principle, this life essence one and equal with all…And the system is conditional. Obviously has a begining and end. But how is possible to embrace infinity from a perspective of a system?
The spiral stuff is just trap, the light thing again is just system…
This expression what I am one and equal with as all as life as breath as simplicity- and this can be somekind of starting point as I look around and separation, ignorance, fear and complicated systematic manifestations everywhere…
And this self-honesty is also something like a definition, but to not start to purify self, just because this, that is really self-dishonesty, not giving even the possibility to and as self for-giving the innocence as life as the simplicity of moment as expression as self.
But if the self-honesty is a definition, that means the one does not understand what and who we are…because the name would be anything, like foxymuxy or anything, but now it is necessary to make difference about system and life until even this has a meaning: until it is done infinitly.
And back to this giving up, I am giving up all what I am not, and as I am giving up what is not me, I am loosing my conditions to be me, until it is done until oneness and equality as me as all is not here…
Next time I’ll write about breath and moment and act and silence and definitions.