related to this dream:
But it is important…in the night, when my living mate returned from country, I was told him about that dream in his room…At the time I woke up without any thought – 2 days ago-, there was a strange thing…when I opened my eze and I saw a picture, as my face was in my own spit on the black blanket. But not like in that…but like behind the picture I existed, but even, like the picture…And as I focused to the picture, I became that…my spit, what was wet and converged with my face, with my mouth, with the blanket. I was the puctire, the picture of the body, and I focused to my body, about from that perspective like from my head I look down to my chest. And it was transparent!
It was just a picture, and inside that little systems were floating in the vacuum, and those little systems determine that, actually now what I identify with, who am I, what…
I can refer to Hitler’s experiences, but different, not like an event, but theese words what I write now, I lived that, like the words, not more, not less.
So I translate the Structural Resonance, to be specificly see, what I have became, and how to focus the self-forgiveness, to release my systems – theese are the primary causes, why I can not breath. Apropo, breath..
To be breath..as I breathed, I was the breath, I was my breath what was my whole body at the same time, unambigouous and one. Actually this is that breath, what drives my present.
But as I woke up, I became scared, and from that that’s it, that is that breath, what needs to adhere. But NOT! As I adhered to the breath, I started to adhere to the systems in me, my mind slowly started to wake up..I opened the door, for getting even better, even fresher air to keep my amalgamation with my breath up, not to fade…Separation..fear…I leaned out and I started to suck deeply the air, as I breathed intensely, but this is the other part of the horse, now I see, this fear – this is devotion and after some moments I felt like my lung tears up from this, and the winter dawny cold, and after all of next day:yes(terday) my body was weak, and all of day we did music with a friend, and after he went away and took a bath and after I lied down to “rest”, than I reallised this, this was fear. So when I was leaning out from the window, simply from my pain, the manifested fear what I experienced, how my mind started to wheel up, my dependency extensively expanded to this mind.
I started to infuse my guitar practises with saying aloud self-forgivenesses together, because I am afraid from act, in my acts my breathe is shallow, goes to “background” and I even forget it, and this sucks. So I act while breath.
But the breath is also strange, because be the breath, without concretising this in my mind…thus this happens while I have system inside me…
It is ridicuolus, how I was the slave of those “mystical experiences”, what I experienced while I “meditated, drugged, sexed”, and those were nothing with that who I am really, like the life as the breath as me as equal and one.