About meditation, breathing — in truth

I just quote a translated message /what I just posted/ from a hungarian psychedelic drug community’s meditation’s topic (hungarian)

hi ..as i see it is not useful to hide, this is like one: masturbation
instead you go there, where you are totally busy, where you can see mind move

i have decided that until no further, I just breath, and thought , emotion, feeling comes up, which pulls me out from the preset: it is not enought to shit away it, to supress it, to not focus…
That came up, because that is now is my attribute, what I still yet not realised, ergo it helps: so I take that what comes up and pulls me out from the breathing present, for example

I am traveling on the tram, which is full of people like atom, i am struggling in the middle of hundreds of people and I am climbing up and one thought comes up “Ouch, i fear that somebody steals me”. This is just fear. A part of me what I used to ran from – part of me, and it is time to put into me, as me for not fearing from it anymore:
“I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear from somebody steals from me in the full tram.”
I do say it is very importat that I should say it loudly that “ACCEPTED” and “ALLOWED” and “MYSELF”, because like that I am aware that I cause it, I am responsible for this, not the thief, not the mass transit company, not the nesquick rabbit…
Of course there is a possibility to backtrack this tree…why I fear from rubbing? Because already it happened? Or I heard about it? Or what? What is the truth? What keeps me in fear from I should know myself?
So like this possible to release this, to always stay in present…in the cave by seeing the wall ok it seems to peaceful, cool, cave, wall i sit no thought, I have pushed all of that, I hide to here for no need thought wwwaaaoo…this is why I call meditation to massturbation, because the ego is that, it is just turning…why I should not being hybernated like HAN SOLO, or those who got the vulcano in POMPEI..and if I should go outside from my room, everything falls back to me…probably…
Jah one more: what is very useful to me, especially in intense situations, littlebit similar that in vip ass ana(but this is always, everywhere), in the begining I do count…
while inbreath 1 2 3 4, hold in, inbetween 1 2 3 4
outbreath 1 2 3 4, hold out, inbetween 1 2 3 4
again and again, this is what leads to freedom – and while mind moves – STOP – self-honesty, self-forgiveness, self-corrective application etc
And needs holding moments? The endless timeless break, in which I could see the mind moves or not…
I found under of all my beingness one point, which keeps
I am afraid. But this is the truth. I always fear, but until I was scary to face with this fact, I could not work with that. This is the truth. thanks tala

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