Continuing with self-communication, self-agreement, self-correction and self-commitment about mistakes, problems and solutions.
Concluding from my last blog:
- everything having ‘problem’ word in it makes my mind frown
- everything about ‘making a mistake’ feels like should be avoided at all costs
- everything more than one clarity in my head makes me hesitate
It’s time to agree on this with common sense
I commit myself to embrace all the problems in the world I am going to face with openness, self-trust and curiosity.
I commit myself to prevent myself to react with worry and perfection addiction when hearing the word ‘problem’ and allow myself to look at it as it is any other things in this world: normal, meaning on every day it is normal to have problems and work with them.
I forgive myself that I have not realized that if I define something as a problem, it is in my head, no matter what’s happening with it in reality – it is to realize, everything is a problem if I want them to be seen as – thus to also realize: I only have problem with problems if I have a problem with problem itself, therefore:
When and as I hear, read, think or realize that there is a problem ahead – I stay calm and realize – problems can be solved, they are no problem at all.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define problems as huge things what causing me to feel miserable, because worry of what if can’t solve the problem and what if this will have consequence, or what if [I imagine something worst] – and not realizing that is the fear aspect I give space to in my mind, instead of using creative imagination for solution – meaning to only use creative association game to things I am not afraid of, and if I am still afraid – to apply self-forgiveness to the specificity.
Fear of manifesting irreversible consequences: it is still a big blob of undefined – that’s what makes fear work – because it’s not defined, not specified.
Once I start listing up specifically all of the fears I usually, in general, or at times I experience – I start to work with them more directly and seeing them as they are – opportunities, challenges.
I forgive myself that I have given permission myself and my mind to fear to some unknown, or imagined scenarios, instead of realizing that fear equals doubt, therefore I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to ever doubt myself.
Let’s continue on this for now.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to doubt myself, on myself, within myself, about myself. Period. I forgive myself for not trusting myself unconditionally, all ways.
This needs to be remembered.
I repeat, just for the sake of physical action of it: it matters.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not trust myself unconditionally, always, regardless of anything.
When and as I make mistakes, screw up, make something not work, fail or get bad – I realize – it is not me who failed, it is not that I should better doubt myself, but rather to realize this as well: it is that within this situation, about this point, I am not as effective as I wished or perceived myself to be, thus there is room for improvement, further understanding and specificity of reality-awareness.
Not that I am perfect and I should trust myself blindly. I trust MYSELF HERE – yet still looking at my skills, reality assessment with practical eyes.
But this to work, I need to be frank with myself all the time – otherwise I would start question and doubt myself.
So this is how to build confidence – specified to actual scenarios in my life where I am struggling with or not even bothering to try myself out at.
I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to get to a state of self-separation wherein I am confused, mixed, conflicted about self-trust and not being clear on how to apply, live and express self-trust, meaning putting trust to points/people where I should not have done that, and not trusting myself, people/things I should have, based on knowledge, conviction, opinion and judgment – basically self-interest.
I commit myself to re-shape and re-define, re-learn and re-establish self-trust based on facts, real understanding of who I am in fact and in potential by being honest with myself on what I am doing and with what I should be more effective.
I commit myself to write down all the skills and aspects of myself I do not trust myself with, to be able to forgive and let them go in order to grow.
I commit myself to establish a self-trust in terms of financial, monetary situation, meaning to be able to deal with money in a way what supports me and others around me, such as having budget and having a plan.
I commit myself to establish self-trust about approaching people and asking favors or things to do and to realize that confidence here is key, such as creativity and honesty as well.
I commit myself to establish self-trust about my work and job, anything coming at me as task or to-do, I embrace and look at it with common sense – immediately self-moving myself from receiving the job to investigating it – without reaction, emotion as realizing those are symptoms of doubt and fear.
I commit myself to trust myself about whenever I need to expand, reach out from my comfort zone socially(talking with new people), professionally(solving new problems at work) or financially(accounting, planning and disciplining myself).
I commit myself to find balanced way to provide myself a healthy and supportive home(including health, shopping, accommodation) with considering money, others and my other commitments about money and self-trust; meaning to find a way to support my body and my process with consideration to my budget.
I commit myself to embrace the fact that if I let go self-interest and fear – I am more clean within and effective towards things to do, because there is no friction within myself and thus I am not preoccupied or distracted from what is here.
I commit myself to continue with self-communication, self-honesty and self-correction.
I commit myself to re-define and re-program myself, whenever the word PROBLEM I experience – to realize that a problem is just another thing in existence with everything else altogether, thus to let go the initial fear and worry of doubt and possibly bad manifested consequences and to focus on practical common sense.
I commit myself to BE the physical body as presence, embodied by the commitment of self-honesty to live in each moment equally – as to realize that real freedom is to be free in and as my own human physical body, meaning no fear, no doubt, but to level with whatever is here in front of me as equal as one and MOVE.
I commit myself to embrace possibility and inevitability of making A mistake, as I already did a lot and I am still here; instead of considering all the ‘best scenarios’ in my mind with all the ‘actual fact’ in reality – and to realize that it is only real what is here, so I specifically commit myself to drop all the fear-based outcome-mind-simulation and focus on WHAT can I DO HERE to apply unconditionally.
I commit myself to ground myself in and as physical, as body, breathing, living flesh here, when I hear or experience the word PROBLEM – as to let go and prevent myself going into reaction automatically – but to re-train myself and to remain present, clear, empty and open.
I commit myself to don’t shy away from curiosity and enjoyment, whenever finding myself in front of a PROBLEM as it means there can be a solution which I can find if I really want, thus to remind myself – at a problem it is up to me how to solve, which is actually cool.
I commit myself to let go all energy, reaction, memory, association, intuition, automatic response and if I see these, I breathe and observe these go while I am re-establishing physical and awareness – PRESENCE here.
I commit myself to take full responsibility for how I behave in regarding to any and all PROBLEMs in this world, and to OWN them as much as I see fit with self-honesty, self-trust and self-enjoyment.
I commit myself to STOP WAITING for energy to appear within me and MOVE ME – I MOVE MYSELF with and as BREATH in and as the PHYSICAL HERE.
I commit myself to STOP trying to ignore energy within me, but rather to look where it’s being created and how and why, as it is ME (t)here creating it, so I also can understand and stop that to give space and opportunity to me to see what’s more I can do than automatically react and judge, define and categorize.
I commit myself to keep accounting about any moments of doubts, visible or not visible(when suppressing, when finding inner conflict, any anxiety, fear not being clear of why and how I accept) – and work with them until they are neutralized, meaning I am here, trigger point being here, yet I do not move, but direct myself according to the specificity of a self-agreement in that situation.
I commit myself to acknowledge and be aware of energetic responses, reactions in my body and mind, yet to follow them without becoming the pattern.
I commit myself to immediately look back to see what I did when I have energetic reaction within myself(body and/or mind), to understand with what I create this energetic reaction, essentially a manifested physical energy consequence of my judgment, separation, self-dishonesty and fear.
I commit myself to stop fearing from making mistakes but to focus on what I am doing and trusting myself that even if I fall, I learn from that.
I commit myself to give extra care and consideration when something I see as potential worry, when it’s about safety or caring for another lives, so then I am really clear on what level of responsibility I’ve given to.
When and as I keep doubting myself, a.k.a ergo not improving with the commitments I make, I return to writing to further self-investigation.
This type of writing is basically gold, as literally can assist to reveal conflicting self and thus being able to work with them to resolve those conflicts.
Conflict – good catch!
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear conflicts as within conflict I allow to react automatically with worry and doubt, because of the memories me being a child with understanding yet no power, nowhere to run, no money to have, not enough understanding of the world and myself, yet I can’t leave, can’t ask for more help, thus simply remembering the memories of me making mistakes, not taking opportunities, thus defining myself based on that, and thus defining myself as someone who makes mistakes, who should doubt himself; instead of realizing that if I give into the doubt and fear, I only focus to the worst, thus not seeing things clearly, therefore also at problems I do not tend their solution but I see the past, what’s already gone – instead of always starting anything with bringing myself here into physical presence and awareness, then to act with common sense.