Day 438 – Perfection in the context of imperfection

I’ve made another VLOG when did the last shared one.

This time I am at the concept of Self-perfection.

How I allow to get limited with ideas of self-limitation through the mind instead of processing through all the information NOT in my head, but in front of me through consistent writing application via DESTENI I PROCESS online course.

Reflecting back to this speech with Bernard

And this one in particular about Process

Day 437 – Social and in general anxiety

I have made a vlog about my undercurrent anxiety.

It’s time to decompose this:

  • I forgive myself that I have not realized when, how and why I am participating within social anxiety; not being able to see/realize/understand the physical, mental, emotional and in general energetic symptoms for sabotaging my presence, direction, self-trust and effective application in real time.
  • I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I have manifested my expression and presence to be so smooth, cool that I am not facing social anxiety, yet not admitting that in and as my human physical body I literally can feel it’s effect.
  • I forgive myself that I have not realized my tendency to fall into social anxiety, and in general anxiety as thinking, comparing myself to an image of me being awkward, slow to react, composed and hesitant due to wanting to be accepted, liked, respected by others, due to patterns of not being able to do so with myself directly, such as accept who I am in this moment, as what are the facts, letting go the energetic high of positive self-judgment and respect myself unconditionally.
  • I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize what it actually can mean to respect myself unconditionally, such as no matter what, not compromising my process of self-honesty, self-forgiveness and actual change with excuses, justifications, energetic states and mental/emotional projections.
  • I forgive myself that I have not realized that the desire to be liked originates from defining myself as outcast, yet powerless, different from what I usually see others being motivated, animated by, thus wanting to fit in, yet at the same time also wanting to keep my label of being different than others.
  • I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear of rejection, just because defining experiences to become the determining factor of who I will myself judge to be and thus falling into the fear of becoming what I experience, thus avoiding risky situations in terms of possibility of being rejected, even with the price of remaining alone in a certain situation.
  • I forgive myself that I have not realized that each and every single anxiety I experience will literally manifest in and as my human physical body, creating difficulty, unhealthy, uncomfortable and painful symptoms, such as rhomboid strain and in general muscle knots due to accepting to exist in stress and unhealthy positions, because of becoming preoccupied with unhealthy mind-patterns.
  • I forgive myself that I have not realized that going to massage to help dissipating the muscle knots is only a momentary relief and if I do not change my behavior, posturing, stress, then I will re-create it again, as the body is showing that I(as muscle) can get just as stuck as I am in my mind as equal as one.
  • I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define that uncomfortable physical postures are acceptable when I want

To be continued…P1020405

Day 436 – Is everyone schizophrenic?


Image from game DOOM

Just watched a video interview with Tormod, who has an incredible blog called

A schizophrenic’s journey from consciousness to awareness.

I know Tormod personally and he had quite a rough past in his life struggling with schizophrenia,- until he has found the tools, techniques, study material, courses and community of Desteni.
Since then, he has been accumulating self-directed change and substantiation of his mind patterns and constructs to transform into living self-expression and in fact his life has became much more stable, enjoyable and quite honorable since then. Highly recommended to read/watch his sharings:

Walking desteni I process with schizophrenia

Tormod mentions that in a way, we all are schizophrenic as each of us having these thought processes, patterns, internal conversations, automatic judgments, categorizations, self-definitions, convictions, emotions and feelings – the very programming of who we express and experience ourselves to be.

If I look at this world with common sense, there is no real unification, limitless physical integration of actual responsibility, what would entail all of us, humans here.
No one stands for all, everyone is divided into belief systems, convictions, fears, desires, delusions, more or less our lives have been conquered by our very own consciousness, which through we systematically keep separating ourselves from what is really here.
The actual human world system is the result of the accumulation of all the individuals, thus it is also common sense to acknowledge that we are all separated already within and with ourselves, with each other and in general from all life here.

Conflict is humanity’s main driving force, what often turns to aggression, domination and extermination. I am not talking about the rough and tumble play, what is everywhere, even with animals. Healthy competition, rewarding games are fine, but when it’s a race for one to win the lottery so to speak, then many can turn into monsters. I talk about hate, spite, sadism and ideological warfare.

The scarcity and delusion of limited resources, that only a handful can live in wealth makes everyone disregard all others naturally and within the frenzy of this survival instinct makes everyone blind from the facts here.

Yes, the resources, the physical is limited in a way on this ground and there is often not enough for many, yet we do not admit that some hoard and deny so much from all others.

Yes, the resources are limited, yet, if the circulation of energy, power, money, a.k.a real compassion would be more fluid, shared and distributed, then everyone would have abundance. Imagine if your brain would say – I like blood, oxygen, nutrition, I want to have it all – I do not care what the body will get, the arms, the legs, even the senses – that being will soon decay, no matter what. The blood must be flown through ALL of the body’s parts equally, to nurture and practically LOVE all it’s parts. How come we do not see this very analogy with our own body and the world system and money?

Everything turns into consciousness energy, from the physical substance with the humans, but that energy is not real, not here, it is an experience. Invigorating, for sure, yet it will not last. The actual investment human individuals and collective make is into this realm of mind con science uselessness system. The very design of thinking is the result and reason of our own suppressing limitation, wherein we can’t experience actual relationship with anything or anyone directly in and as the physical without participating within this polarity mind system, what people can’t let go of, because they feel protected, armored, weaponized against the odds of this cruel world, thus the separation, split from common sense prevails. Anywhere we go, there will be someone’s interest not to want us to go, thus everything is just recycle of what has always been existing already. This image is just a very sarcastic example, but it is true:


That is why humans in general do not have yet actual power to change.

When I mention Change, what I really mean is self-directed, responsible, all-encompassing change. What is best for all almost seems like some scrappy catchphrase from a cult’s wacky holy book, yet why do we associate to that, when the words themselves are also common sense?

Isn’t it, because we are contaminated with our own limited perception, based on our own self-interest, divided by the polarity of good and bad, convinced by a logic, which is biased by our own self-accepted and justified limitation? Programmed by our parents, their parents, their parent’s parents;- endless generations of indoctrination.

I just talked with a good friend of mine. She does not like Christmas, as it’s upon us now again, yet she will do it for her children. So as her parents, her parent’s parents. Sure, it’s fun, you get gifts, people come together, eat and rest, etc. But only, who have money. Who does not, they do not have Santa coming down the chimney. Sure, there is charity, giving gift packages to the poor, so we can feel good about ourselves, but nothing changes on the greater scale.

From time to time we can observe people appearing in the world, just one person, bringing about something new, a change about something specific – an inventor, a composer, a philosopher, a politician, a teacher, an artist, etc.

Why not everyone or anyone can become unique yet obviously impactful in this world?

Why do we all are constantly preoccupied with our own thoughts, feelings, emotions to the level of never breaking through from the safe, yet common limitations?

Everyone believes that without emotions and feelings we are just organic robots, no humane spirit, yet not emotions and feelings give true power to us, but only, when we are able to LIVE WORDS without self-limitations. No polarity, no self-interest, no hidden agenda. We all know how ruined a person can become without proper care, fun, education and practical love – so difficult to deal with them as they just take whatever they can, without any remorse or compassion. The awful consequences these people can create for everyone, let’s say mass shootings, serial killers, etc – yet we are not able to change the system what keeps resulting in such atrocities. Theoretically we are all unlimited potentials, yet in one a million(or much more) it can happen that someone truly breaks through self-limitations. And then we point to genes, illusionary friends, the government.

This world, as it’s current physical form, as we experience it is in fact limited, no doubt, the resources, the dimensions, the manifesting consequences – in a way being exact, measurable: physical, real.

It is a common misconception that this physical reality is confined, imprisoning, limiting – which sounds almost like an un-admitted blame to me – “I am not limited, I am not responsible, this world, someone else is!” – “I am infinite and free spirit, yet this world is limiting me, this world system is imprisoning me; our own human physical body is confining us!”, etc. Popular, common perception, no doubt.

I used to exist like that, for a loooooong time! Yet, not anymore, since about a decade.

It’s the same when someone creates something – an artist, a builder, a gardener, an engineer: it is not the tool what limits my living/creation, but who I am within that expression.

An example: painting – we used to do a lot of artistic explorations after university with my friends. One of us came from art school background, he helped us to learn the tools, the techniques, encompassing with a vision. In particular, I loved to paint, impressionism has always been very close to me. Yet I used to believe, what limits me is the quality of the paint colors I’ve bought, the quality of my brushes, the paper or canvas, thus I kept aiming for the best available. I worked in an art supplier shop for a while, thus it was affordable, so I followed my reasoning to the utmost. Just to make sure, this is not limiting me.
There was a time, when without my fancy racoon-fur brushes I just did not even enjoy painting!
Eventually my friend, with the art school background, he said to me – it does not matter – you can even use your own finger with any type of color directly, the fancy tools are handy, but do not ever project your own limitation to the tool itself! By looking at those magnificent paintings in museums, created centuries ago – what technology, tools they had comparing to us?

Same happened with me when I have embarked to learning/writing music. I have bought one of the most expensive and ridiculously capable external sound adapters(sound card), composition software, quality synthesizers, drums, guitar, speakers, gadgets, cables, etc; what, on my level did not really matter!
In a way, I always knew that, yet to prove that to myself, I needed to obtain the best available, and yet struggling with creation of these art forms, and then, eventually to let that sink in that, yes, I am allowing myself to be limited, not the tools.

It was almost like I always knew that not the tools limit me, yet I needed to prove that to myself – I just could not birth enough self-honesty to directly answer this question, needed to walk the long and hard way to figure out, when I had all, yet I still got stuck, then I needed to let it to sink in and eventually committing myself to walk the Desteni I Process Pro online course, which is specifically designed for transcending these type of self-limitations, self-delusions, self-suppressions. It is the best! And while walking specific type of self-limitations to change starting to realize that this is the same with everything of me, not just art as a hobbi.

Same with all of our potential, each of us – there is no such thing as special, yet this whole world system currently has been built to make us believe that some are more equal than the others, just, because some are more efficient, rich, unrestricted or even lucky with their living expression.

For myself, back to the schizophrenia point, needed to admit that what has been accepted within myself, this mind consciousness engine running, that I limit myself with.

To really acknowledge that I am extremely limiting myself through and AS my mind, who I perceive myself to be, was quite a painful process, because as soon one really stands into that realization – there is no more blame, projected responsibility OUTSIDE of SELF – all is me, who I am is all, what is here with and around me.

Why I am sure that everyone is schizophrenic in this regard? Because we are not yet reaching the actual unification as all as one in a practical, effective measurement within creation. Within just ourselves, as someone, as a person to become ‘whole’. Of course, not literally independent from anything, yet self-reliable and self-trustworthy at least.

Might be critical to admit, we are all in the same boat, and until all are not free, no one is truly free. And if we accept ourselves and each other to be enslaved by internal mind, or external world systems – that is on us.

Is it not schizophrenic to be consumed by greed to a level of polluting our environment, to accept and protect slavery, exploitation and wars for some surreal level of profit? We literally fight and kill ourselves, not only humans, but animals, plants, the very potential of our living, breathing essence. Until we can’t stop it spiraling out, until the majority does not stand up to change from within, that is truly schizophrenic.

Even in the definition from dictionary, wikipedia:

Other symptoms may include false beliefs, unclear or confused thinking, 
hearing voices that do not exist, reduced social engagement and emotional 
expression, and lack of motivation.
People with schizophrenia often have additional mental health 
problems such as anxiety, depression, or substance-use disorders.

Is it not confused, unclear, false thinking that it is acceptable to live with rape, murder, war, exploitation, poverty, extinction, economic or literal slavery?
Are not we lacking motivation to stand up to these sick symptoms we all accept as ‘human nature’?
Do we not regularly stimulate ourselves with gadgets, gizmos, entertainment, movies, sports, alcohol, drugs, sex, invisible gods and illusionary friends?
Are not we all responsible for all the children to come to this earth, vulnerable, innocent expression of life, what do we expose them to become in this human system?

So easy to slip down into blaming politicians, rapists, capitalists or even parents, teachers, celebrities, our bosses or even ourselves! Yet that road only leads to further self-separation within our own mind, onto further self-disempowerment, because until we stop blaming, we do not take responsibility for who we are here.

I had quite a struggle in my younger years due to my mind, thoughts, emotions going almost insane from time to time due to my indoctrination into self-judgment, self-doubt, self-suppression and self-hate – and these patterns only can exist through the systematic participation and self-identification of thoughts, feelings and emotions.

How to approach this HUGE challenge ahead – and within – ourselves? Certainly not with fighting, resisting, denying – I’ve done that, it does not work.

I have mastered self-distraction from my self-honesty points, what are always here to mirror who I accepted myself to be, when I compromise myself, others, when I justify delusion and self-interest, when I distract with addiction to entertainment, energy, stimulation for instance.

That silent whisperer advocate within our head, the strange experience of thinking is really a computer program, I am telling you.

Since my childhood, I’ve been studying, working with computers, programming languages, various sized systems, wherein we animate these complex systems to behave, adapt and serve specific purposes.
Self-driving cars, trains, trucks and ships making literally thousands of decisions per second based on their pre-programmed design. Same as humans.
Look at religious fundamentals – they really do believe that they are the chosen nation while all others are here just to serve their purposes.
Same way, these capitalist moguls, CEO-s, dictators – they are all fully convinced that what they do and represent is the right thing to do – yet from a more objective perspective, it’s so easy to expose their biased, twisted self-interest.

Same with nazis, racists, zionists, etc – they are living in a constant mind-consciousness frenzy, wherein there is me, us and them – separation. Projecting out their own judged as bad personality to others.
Then there is the conflict between these perceived separated aspects, when we struggle between good and evil, laziness and productivity, selfishness and selflessness, bravery and cowardliness, etc…
These conflicts only can exist through the systematic manifestation of our mind consciousness system, what has the building blocks of thoughts, feelings, emotions, complex, multi-layered mind patterns and constructs.

That was, and still, every day is my location of self-honesty in this life, that to answer to myself and all life, am I honest with myself, am I compromising, am I consumed with self-interest, do I give into fear of loss?

We all believe that ‘my own self-limitation’ is only my own business, that is ‘my freedom’ and everyone has the right to choose to not only limit, but suffer as well. Yet we are not yet admitting that nothing is truly separated as all manifesting consequences are accumulating on the truly and undoubtedly shared one physical level with all equally.
If I spill poisonous chemical into this lake, I might kill all animals and plants in it. Of course, nothing is final, yet these kind of consequences are truly permanent, at least for a long while.
Thus, anyone does not want or can’t comprehend, care, embrace this simple fact in my view is schizophrenic, deluded, lost in oblivion. Not forever, yet might not be that obvious how long or what this will bring next.

When I was harassed by my own thoughts, feelings, emotions, when I was literally abused by my own self-judgments, self-cruelness, I was totally lost, I was always searching the meaning, the truth, out there, in the world, someone or something to tell me what to do, who I am, because I just did not feel stability, consistency and that is no fun at all.

Sure, there are people in this world with unwavering confidence, ability to express, create and change – yet the majority is trapped within their own mental and emotional loops.
We can even look at it like there are eras, ages of humans, let’s say industrial era, information era; yet what still has to come, it is emerging nowadays is the era of unification, responsibility, awareness of all life equally.

Whenever I am thinking, I am schizophrenic. I do not know myself, I think myself. If I would know myself, I would not stop for thinking for a split second, I would directly express and live!

If I need to FEEL love, I am not LIVING love, I am utilizing my mind, it’s positive and negative polarity-based interest system to help me to automatically decide how to and what to feel within what situation, how and why.

Like the soldier veterans, returning from the hell of war, from Vietnam, Iraq, Afganistan, Syria, etc – there is often something broken inside of them, the ability for compassion, trust and vulnerability, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder.

In a way, we all are like them, they are just advanced within this exposure of hell, what catalyzes the mind to accumulate it’s effect on the human being.

Schizophrenic people – same – – – their mind is not just one entity with one major personality, but more, so the internal conflict is just more brutal, thus they lose their direction, effectiveness to manage, stabilize their own relationship with their mind, thus often required chemical(medicine) support to stabilize them.

In a way, it’s the same with hobbies, entertainment, addiction, conviction for various activities.

I used to take psychedelic drugs, that seemed to be remediating my almost schizophrenic experiences within me, the constant battles of internal thought processes have faded, almost melted into this one blob of all-encompassing white light experiences, wherein I stopped existing as conflict, but a sort of oneness. It seemed like something from the next possible level of existence as a human, because I did not have the doubt, the fear, the emotional, mental and physical pain for a while.

What I did not realize is that I did not transcend my mind, my limitations, I just have completely amalgamated myself with it without resistance, thus literally became the systematic aspect of myself, that is the unity, oneness experience people have on these psychedelic, shamanic, mystical drug or religious, trance, etc experiences.
Almost like, when we sometimes observe children, or schizophrenic people regressing into catatonic mind and body patterns.

People are so worked up with all the labeling and judging them – for instance many attack religious people, for their religious rituals, experiences, thinking minds; yet no one admits when watching Star Wars or Joker, it is a religious experience; dancing, clubbing, fucking, anything in this world is a SELF-RELIGION if not lived in and as the physical as the actual, real and only substance of LIFE as all as equal as one.

Why do I need to THINK that this is a CHAIR, when it is a chair? Don’t I know that it is a chair? Don’t I know what’s it’s purpose or how to use it? Why don’t I trust myself to KNOW already what’s here and what I’m capable of? Why do I need mental cane to navigate through the unknown of each upcoming moments?

That’s why was to me, psychedelic drug interesting as it had the ability to take away this addiction to the thin-king mind. It screws you other ways, no doubt, yet that can be the scary factor as it is very distinct of humans, who would even dare to take such substance, not out of desperation and their life being an utter failure, at least on experience level, but out of curiosity, the temptation of what’s more in this life, beyond this conscious experience.

In my view, all is catatonic, hypnotic trance, even what humans refer as LOVE – it is a preoccupied mind consciousness system-generated experience, as let’s answer this: How can true LOVE be limited, and if can not be, then why always, our love needs to have a subject?

The interesting point about the human personality itself is that if one stops participating in it, it all fades away. Not that every day we die as EGO is much relevant, but rather the fact that every day we RE-ANIMATE it again as we can’t exist without the mind constructs. Just like the idea of love is the answer – yeah, sure. What love?
Of course, I also used to believe, I love everyone, everything and that’s it. Total delusion.

Let’s bring in some art: Freelove, just like Depeche mode sings about –

We’ve been running from love
And we don’t know what we’re doing here
We’re only here
Sharing our free love
Let’s make it clear
That this is free love
No hidden catch
No strings attached

This song talks to me loudly. I know, it might seem with this I just prove the opposite what I’ve been writing thus far – yet for me it is exactly the same. How come?

Running from love what’s the actual true nature and limitation with(in) and as our mind consciousness system.
We do not know what we’re doing here as we do not grasp the true consequences of our self-limited actions
We’re only here – all, equally, no exception, we are just HERE

So how to align ourselves, how to make ourselves more clear to Share our free love?
No hidden catch, no secret, thinking mind, no attachment through the relationship matrices of our consciousness system.

So, this time making my point with a song, let’s bring another:

Imagine there’s no countries
It isn’t hard to do
Nothing to kill or die for
And no religion, too
Imagine all the people
Sharing all the world
You, you may say I’m a dreamer
But I’m not the only one.

Check out Desteni community, it is an extremely strong group since a dozen years within it’s core values, what is to take full responsibility for all, who we exist here as life.

Within birthing ourselves as less and less limited by our own mind, this is quite tangible and realistically accumulative process, do not get me wrong, this is not spiritual, this is even transcending that pattern of this world.

If it is something what is calling you, if you get tired of all the bullshit and are ready to really find actual, true, practical freedom with and as self and all, then enjoy to walk the Journey to Life as it is almost never too late to start doing so. Almost. EVERY ONE standing up adds to the world, never underestimate, even the slightest self-honest action!

I know, this is not the usual self-introspective ‘walk through and realize’ stuff, but this time it is what I express. Thank you very much.

Day 435 – Why to transcend DRAMA?

IMG_3180There is something repellent about drama within me in general. Of course, not when watching an exciting movie drama, but when people fight, argue and disrespect themselves and each other. Or when the drama is happening in my HEAD.

Most of it, because I come from a family, wherein this seemed to happen daily between the adults, and of course between children as well.
It is astonishing to look back and to see how much we’ve copied with my little sister of what we’ve been observed and absorbed from our environment: we exerted out frustration, jealousy, anger, spite and so on to each other, although we are literally of the same blood.
I was the older, I LOVED my tiny sister when I was small, yet around elementary school I’ve shifted towards fights, just picking her, knew her enough to be able to just annoy her into nastiness.

It is literally a power-play, as I was EXTREMELY frustrated by my environment, especially my family for a while, and whenever I’ve tried to fight back them, I was utterly dominated down to almost humiliating vengeance. Not that my family’s adults did not LOVE me with their harts – it is just how very poor families in general can become, there is nothing personal in this, it’s just they are very frustrated by tremendous limitation due to poverty already, meanwhile us, kids, the smaller mirror reflection of their own creation was also just naturally trying to question, challenge and annoy them, always just a bit beyond of their stability points.

Of course, there were so many cool and enjoyable moments during my childhood, yet the self-honesty points I’ve been dealing with since some years are no doubt, can be observed within those surroundings of the earlier years of mine.

I used to blame, judge, compartmentalize, suppress until I could, eventually exerting out some almost animistic rage towards myself, sometimes others(my little sister, others in school, back to parents, etc).

Eventually my conclusion has became that this is just too crazy, I need to completely detach from all of this, thus I’ve escaped to daily library visits and reading, computers(programming and gaming) and getting stimulated with sexuality, even as a very young boy already.

Jumping forward, at university I had girlfriend, but I remember, whenever I got into any kind of worry, my whole reality around me became blurred, almost literally as I just could not upkeep any focus about what’s happening around me, I was literally raging, like a madman sometimes. Especially with alcohol combined with some (back then appearing as deadly) romantic refusals.

In my mid-twenties I had girlfriends, but I’ve been ALWAYS defining partner prospect based on their ‘crazy’, unpredictability and surreal level of stubbornness. Yes, I did only noticed the ones who were really standing out from the crowd with their DRAMA.
I remember, later on, I’ve had a girlfriend(let’s rephrase it: I had a sexual relationship with a lady) and eventually I’ve defined her as boring, because there was not much drama between us, she just loved me on the level of always finding ways to agree and get along with me and in that time this was quite disappointing. Oh boy.
No doubt, I was also secretly looking for this sort of crazy lady hero(ine) who does not fear or holds back anything in any moment. Just as I’ve perceived my mother for a while. Or the lady from the Aliens movie, Ripley. Head on fighting terrifying alien monsters? I remember, my mom was a boss at the dairy processing factory and was very tough in general. Even the huge and drunk gypsy guys, who usually just bully anyone got dominated down by her. Of course, she also had her losing control moments and then it was obvious that she approaches conflict handling almost literally with a deadly force.

Once my back got burned during a hot summer, I was around 14 I believe and for some reason it was EXTREMELY itchy. I just got so frustrated and I think I was really annoying with that. My mom eventually commanded me to the bathtub and she was showering, cleaning my back with not really a gentle manner. I did not like it, so I told her, this is bullshit – she got so pissed, just started to hit me, well I was almost a “man” in that time, so it was not really physical abuse, rather like it was hurting my stupid ego, but I remember, I was furious and powerless. She really, just wanted to help but I did not appreciate the way she did it. That was a huge drama then.

People arguing, shouting around me, being drunk was sort of a default setting during my childhood, so I’ve been absorbing this kind of stuff and when I ‘flew out’ from the family nest as went to university far away from home, I did not realize that this sort of DRAMA has became my norm.

Much later, when I was into the self-deluding spiritual path I started to realize that there is always fight, friction, conflict within my mind, CONSTANTLY and CONSISTENTLY. I really reached madness sometimes, I just wanted to tear the whole world apart to end this permanent battle within me.

With the spirituality, I’ve trained myself and my mind to pretty much pacify myself with various meditation techniques, but once I’ve stopped, the DRAMA has always returned.

I am sure, I’ve been writing about these things multiple times in this blog – yet never directly faced WORDS this directly before.

See, to be able to really purify, re-define words without conflict, friction, polarity and self-interest is really difficult if I am not even aware of the amount of self-delusion I participate every day within, because then all is blame, projection, competitive comparison and pure self-interest.

Self-interest, meaning I am at the level of losing my mind, I constantly realize that I do not have power over my mind, others around me, thus everything just becomes like survival, fight or die-type of reaction, no matter the cost or consequence.

When you are in constant drama, your only interest is to have a piece of mind, just to make it STFU.

Anyone does not get why the world is so crazy, unfair, difficult, cruel and mad? Because of this consistent drama, fight – the one on the bottom wants to get to the top – when I feel insecure, inferior, weaker, powerless, I just want to feel confident, superior, strong and powerful. FEEL.
Because all the drama is not real in the head – it’s all just a feeling anyway, so to overthrow that, you just need to feel something more stronger.

It does not matter if it’s not relatable with facts, if someone is consumed by DRAMA, they do not live in actual reality, they will see everything through their own conflicts. I speak of personal experience.

For me, when I was thrown at the world system after school, it was my highest priority to be able to deal with the DRAMA in my head. It is not fun. I was extremely spoiled, arrogant, obnoxious, impatient and completely delusional. Which, eventually I had to realize due to hitting rock bottom periodically, predictably.

Addiction is a handy tool to deal with drama, because it distracts, creates other type of intensity.

When the quiet and calm is boring, you should ask yourself, have you been indoctrinated to become a drama queen?

Although I’ve been working on my internal drama to decompose, self-forgive and let go, it is something I still can fall back into when being triggered in a specific way and it can be really limiting.

Within my current DIP PRO – awesome – online course assignment, this word, my reactions to it also came up among many other self-dishonest patterns, thus I am actively working with it to prevent myself to get into this energy addiction, which I’d even describe as a sort of PTSD(post-traumatic stress disease).

It’s like re-living the conflict one has been exposed to, the internal struggle over and over again and from outside, by an objective bystander, it is obviously limiting and being the opposite of fun.

What one needs to do to overcome this mental and emotional handicap is to let go the fear, the stress, the drama with total understanding of why I do it, how I do it, so then next time becoming aware of this pattern, it’s consequence BEFORE participating, thus being able to prevent birthing this DRAMA into our expression.

It’s like with hate – in a way it is self-hate – it’s just so pure energy, it’s intensity is overwhelming; the same with drama, because in that the mind becomes so slippery, it’s very easy to fall into a blame, a projection, basically a delusion of who is responsible for what I experience.

It is enough just to look at the world, any tiny aspect of it, let’s say – a controversial online shared video’s comment section. The flame war is real there, people argue, blame and hate – I mean how practical is it to hate someone I’ve never met, just because they wrote this and that word, and I feel obliged to react with negative emotion, thus that negativity must be coming from the subject of my reaction, the person, let’s say: some stupid fatass moron president of an influential country. It’s so obvious that this guy is a joke, incapable of bringing out actual solution for problems in this world, yet to blame him for what’s in this world already is pretty confining self-dishonesty.

On the other side, to take FULL responsibility for what I experience, express and stand for within self-honesty is quite a difference.

So how to approach this sort of abusive DRAMA word in order to loosen up and being able to let go self-limitations – self-definitions, self-delusions.

Until I keep believing that the president is responsible for me not wanting to climb out from my bed(just an example), that means I am putting my faith and hope outside of myself. Almost like I do not really matter, because I believe, her/him is responsible, not me!

This time I am not going into self-forgiveness profoundly, yet just giving an example how to approach it within absolute self-honesty.

  • I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to disregard the reality around here within conflicting situations, falling into the rabbit-hole of reactions, my following of the energy and association of those reactions.
  • I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to associate any conflict with my past, childhood where I felt powerless and exposed to other’s drama, wherein I could not leave thus I just tried to absorb it until it’s gone and at situations still rendering myself movement-less, instead of realizing that when something is obviously not ideal, the common sense is to ACT IMMEDIATELY, and within that to focus on finding out what and how.
  • I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to associate from any conflict to my childhood, defining it to be traumatic instead of realizing that it has been in the past and who I am is what I decide today, from this moment forward and I commit myself to let go the past, the associations and to realize – within conflicts I NEED TO MOVE and ACT.
  • When and as I find myself powerless within any conflict, when I feel the energetic experiences overwhelming me, I stop, I realize this is because I accept myself to react this way, but I can and should stop participating and instead of reacting, focusing on action, communication, movement, direction.
  • When and as I catch myself absorbing, suppressing reactions during conflict, I realize it is because I feel and fear of being powerless, and I see/realize/understand that I do not need to fear, I do not need to keep absorbing it without action, but I can and should MOVE myself immediately into action.
  • When and as I feel that I should not participate within communication, interaction during situations wherein I find myself conflicted within, just to ‘wait this out’, I MOVE, I act, I express, I share, I apply and I bring myself to the practicality and punctuality I am familiar and comfortable with.
  • When and as I define avoiding confrontation as good and positive, feeling good about it and I realize this is escaping, self-dishonest, ineffective; thus I commit myself to face the conflict ahead with practical common sense.
  • I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed a pattern to avoid conflict around me by identifying and labeling people as ‘conflicting’ and associating negative energetic experience towards them without questioning my experience, why and how.
  • I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define conflict as negative within myself, automatically reacting with emotion of negative, judging myself not being good with communication, and within the reaction of negative emotion, not being able to consider common sense; ending up judging myself as ‘not good with conflicts, should avoid’ without questioning it as an experience and as self-definition.
  • I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define who I am according to the amount of conflicts I can avoid and thus avoiding negative emotional experiences, yet not realizing that this limits me, I do limit myself.
  • I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not consider and make the decision to change my attitude, approach and reaction towards conflicts and within that not realizing that I am blaming conflicts for what and how I accept myself to be, yet not understanding that I create everything of this within my head and thus I can also stop doing that and do change(myself).
  • I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to simply and automatically tend to avoid people and situations wherein conflict can arise, thus imprisoning myself into self-limitation without questioning myself with common sense.
    When and as I encounter a situation what I perceive as conflicting, I remind myself that if the conflict is within me, the reaction happens within me, then it is not a real conflict, but a perceived one, and thus I can understand, self-forgive and stop with accumulative real time application within self-honesty.
  • When and as I feel the urge to leave situations because being defined as too much conflict, I recognize that I am about to be directed by a self-acceptance automatically, by believing that this is the best approach, yet not truly investigating what can be done differently and how.

So this can assist to understand why and how I start to lose self-direction dealing with actual conflicts.

And just a tiny bit to reflect this back to the world – as self as equal as one with it: how can we assist and support to transform all the abusive drama already existing among and within people?
What are the main trigger points of people fall into constant battles within and around themselves in this world system?

How money – or the lack of it, thus our very own survival’s unpredictability can make us more afraid and conflicted?

Not saying that rich people have everything and they are the ones the most enjoying life, although it would be really dumb to deny that with money people can have more options, as we all need food, shelter, health care and education, otherwise the human individual is just lacking the ability to not only LIVE but truly become desperate and completely possessed with their own mind.
Just see USA – great example – most people can not afford the full spectrum of health care. It’s ridiculous. If an ambulance is being called for you, you might end up needing to pay thousands of dollars. Same with dentist – so many people just can not afford to go to a dentist – so they feel more miserable as everyone knows, tooth pain is truly a ‘beeach.

All the people around the world, if they would get their hands into the money jar a bit more, they would stop freaking out of imminent death, sure, but it is not enough for a real change.

People need to take responsibility for what they experience, remember, the PTSD needs to be supported to heal…

That’s why basic income sounds like common sense to me, because so many people can not afford the simplest health care, thus they become more sick, more trauma.

The more we can support our fellow humans to get re-mediated from their trauma being triggered, the more we also help the next generation to come without such imprinting.

People often say – basic income will make people get lazy as they do not have to work for the money they need for survival – and of course, traumatized(even if with their own mind) people sometimes just want to escape the trauma, thus, for sure, there would be people who would not care about healing, because they do not know how.

And of course, even people loaded with money can exert (self)-abusive drama in their reality, so is it really about poverty? Not really. It does not matter if you are rich or poor, how you behave, resonate, broadcast your interpretation of life, that counts in the bigger picture for sure. We all going to die anyway, so why not to acknowledge that what we manifest will remain for the generations to come. All the mind-noise we experience will disappear in a moment without any trace, yet what we have done or have not done will remain.

That’s why to live as an example is important in this world, to not just hide, deny and distract from the abusive drama, trauma, but to be transparent of the process of how to really transcend, re-define and change in starting point, behavior and action, what can have an impact on others as well, automatically.

Therefore this process of self-honesty to walk, as it requires accumulation, honesty and courage – to admit that I was wrong all the time until now, but now I see, understand, realize and thus change.

So then DRAMA word can become something such as entertainment, being watched in the cinema, instead of this nasty energy what drives people crazy.

Thanks for reading, enjoy, bye

Day 434 – Taking on a simple responsibility for years

jo7lifeI am picking Desteni self-honesty blogs each week for a half day time-frame since a couple of years now(among with others).

If you would not be aware of: at desteni, a group of people dedicating themselves to seek out, understand and overcome of their self-limitations, delusions, character flaws, self-dishonesty points, calling it 7 years of Journey to Life as to accumulate a real impact for self-change, an already developed human being requires at least 7-14 years walking this process to reach to a real, permanent change within their beingness and living expression through consistent application, accumulation and specific techniques shared at Desteni I process Lite and Desteni I Process Pro online courses.

This is, no doubt one of the greatest gifts in life I can give to myself and the world, to take responsibility for who and what I am, have become and going to be – instead of light-worker, spiritual, religious, scientific approach, this is simply practical common sense and being radically honest with myself.

So, on different days, different people take point on going through the pre-created auto-collecting feed page, what pulls in all the subscribed blogs/vlogs pages/sites posts, making it easier to go through them and select the ones the person responsible for the given day to schedule them being shared.

It has been quite a journey and there were some experiences in regarding to it what I’d like to share here.

I do not remember when I took this responsibility, at least 5 years ago, maybe more, it does not matter now. It has been an immensely rewarding process and still continuing to do so.

My impressions were:

  • it’s so difficult to keep my commitment each week, even though it takes up to a half an hour to go through a set of already shared self-honesty destonian blogs and pick the ones what I consider as worth reading thus also worth sharing on the page.
  • oftentimes I’ve felt frustration due to slow internet network, Facebook’s not user-friendly user interface/scheduling workflow
  • sometimes also had massive resistances to do it and thus postponing to do it until the last moment(Sunday, 20:30 PM)
  • also sometimes had this strange burden of big responsibility that now I decide which ones can make it to the selected page, what if I share something what are not aligned with my(and desteni) principles, what if I am wrong?
  • rarely though, but also sometimes I made a mistake with the scheduling, which I felt really bad about and judged myself extensively
  • even more rarely, but also happened, I’ve missed a sharing day entirely due to me travelling, not having access to internet and I forgot to delegate to/ask people to do it for me because I could not and again, feeling bad about it, judging myself too hard
  • sometimes I need to use my smartphone to read through, pick and shedule these blogs/vlogs and that is quite awkward and ineffective way to do it, yet with practise by the years, it has been much more easier in the last years
  • on top of that, as the Page is on Facebook, the platform itself keeps mutating, changing in terms of the buttons, the way one can schedule blog shares on the page from time to time needs to be adapted and sometimes it is not an improvement (like right now, scheduling has been taken out from the page’s sharing link/text field into a sub-page, a publishing tool for the 7 years of journey to life page and one needs to specify the day and time twice for scheduling) – or for a while they introduce a bug(annoyance, glitch) and I need to figure out how to overcome it and in the beginning I was very judgmental about it, reactive, got frustrated, angry on Facebook itself.
    Eventually I have realized that it is completely futile to react to this, just pure waste of time and effort, because I have committed myself to do this, so there is no other way, I am going to do it.

It has been quite rewarding to overcome these, week by week until I own the ability to do it without reactions becoming real distraction
At the same time it has been and continuing to be an extraordinary journey, got the opportunity and honor to read all these people’s sharing and in general their process of walking through specific and in the longer run, so many points within self-honesty.

Currently, there has been so many destonian blog posts in their publication times that the 7 Years of Journey to Life page is way behind of the current sharing, at least 10 months now; meaning what I share today on the page, has been shared in January, 2019.

It is really encouraging to read all these people’s internal and practical process of how they deal with their imperfections, their discovery of themselves and the world, how they walk into self-honesty in practical action.

Sometimes one keeps writing/vlogging about the same points over and over again until they understand enough to be able to change their approach and there are several realizations I got to obtain:

Consistency is key for accumulating real, tangible results: no matter how difficult a point is – let’s say someone is dealing with an addiction – or in my own case: reactions to weekly posting these set of sharing – if one keeps applying the desteni tools: writing, self-forgiveness, self-commitment and self-corrective statements, etc; eventually they will have a breakthrough, when they do not react with emotional turmoil, self-judgment, but pre-scripting a viable and applicable solution for their problem.

Everyone’s process is unique, it is totally unworthy to compare anyone’s process to somebody else; although we all are walking the same process of self-realization in a way, from mind consciousness system self-identification to actual, physical, direct living – all of us are in a different location, situation and challenge; therefore it is one more reason to make sure that we take responsibility for our own process of self-realization within first priority.

About the fact that I used to struggle with this responsibility: it has been quite significantly inflated in my mind, making it more than it actually is, and I also ended up judging myself on why I am so reluctant to take this simple and easy point.

One of the greatest challenges in my life is the consistency. Always do something, what is not pre-programmed into my personality already due to my childhood-schooling-past indoctrination through parenting, schooling, media delusional self-convictions, and then judging myself as bad, weak, negative, wavering, unstable quite unnecessarily. Especially when comparing this responsibility/commitment to something like having an animal or a human child care-taking responsibility. Then there is no ‘skip day’ – it could be fatal to not feed a newborn baby for instance; in comparison to that, this is a piece of cake, yet I needed to walk this for quite some time to become my natural expression, each week to sit down and do it without resistance, judgment, reactions.

Sometimes I still react, like as it is now, Facebook’s scheduling page is just silly, but now I know, it is not final, let’s focus on here, the action, the effectiveness as it probably will change again soon; and because I have extensive experience and knowledge about software development, I know that these things, especially with this huge corporation, will take time, thus it is to embrace it and still make it work.

Because my commitment is not something I had to make and now I am automatically being committed to do this each week. I am re-committing myself to do this each time, because I see it’s benefits for myself and also giving the opportunity to others, who are reading this page that this can be quite supportive for the readers. I am grateful that I can accumulate into that, regardless of if someone actually reads my scheduled sharings or not(they do).

Also teaches me that sometimes it is a leap of faith to do something without knowing what it’s result and impact will be, just to consider common sense.

This group, community is on Facebook – in the time Desteni started to spread online, this was the most viable and known social network, in a way still it is, thus it is there for convenience and maximum reach. I know, many people blame and hate Facebook for it’s weird, questionable things, sure, it’s not ideal, but it’s also like so many things: look at the bright side of life – this is a tool and can bring people together and support each other, so I could focus on what’s not good, or just appreciate what is good.

Before I joined Facebook – more than a decade before, I never even imagined I would open up an account, but for Process it is totally worth it, one can learn so much from fellow destonians and other people…I rarely use it nowadays for personal shares, collecting likes or attention; I am sure that by time something even better will replace it all of a sudden, but until that I use it without judgment or blame.

(I suggest to customize your Facebook experience with FB Purity, it’s a web browser plugin, which eliminates so many annoying things of the platform, cuts out sponsored posts, ads, etc; one can totally omit seeing a load of crap, can make disappear certain features, re-order timeline posts, etc – even can apply personal word filters (just an example, before US elections I type in “hillary clinton, donald trump” and I do not see posts with this in their link title on my FB feed – Also I do not see games, game invites, all kinds of crap I do not wish FB to use it for -as I use it mostly for Process, learning about things in groups/pages and keeping in touch with remote people; if I want to know about for instance the US elections, I look it up myself – just an example).

Back to the Picking Process Blogs to 7 Years Journey to Life page: Also learned that it’s quite alright if I make a mistake, skipping an hour to share something for instance, or this year I believe once or twice already happened that because I was flying constantly to the other side of the world, I simply did let it go and embraced the fact that I did not schedule anything for that week and I will survive. There is no point of judging myself, waste of effort, it’s accumulating also to be and become this doubt. Instead of making sure that I do all I can and keep going forward and make sure next week to do it if I can.

Of course, by walking this singular point, it opens up a lot of reflections in my life to a bunch of other things I do; which is quite a sort of trademark of the Desteni process, that anything you realize in a certain context, might opens up doors within another aspect of my life as it’s all interconnected, being self here.

So this is a great example of how a simple, small point by time can accumulate into further, greater and more profound understanding and self-expansion.
Of course, this is not something one can compare with having a child, family to take care for, yet it is still a significant opportunity to learn and reflect, grow and enjoy about.

I am grateful for this responsibility and trust have been given to me for this, thanks a million!

I encourage everyone to check this page out, there is a LOT of supportive, practical and quite frankly, extremely unique and fascinating blog/vlog posts, wherein one can observe and get into an intimate peek of people’s personal process of self-honesty.

This is the page:

There are several another pages dedicated to the blogs/vlogs of people walking their process of self-honesty (This is where people share their blogs/vlogs at the same time when they publish them):

This is a closed group(for people be safe to share their more personal process without the scrutiny of the public, so it’s quite a community) – anyone can join if respecting it’s guidelines, it’s so much fun and opportunity to learn:

Day 433 – Potential to limit or live


My previous home in a chilly morning

By observing my and others life, it seems like everyone periodically gets to point of self-evaluation, meaning to question what is done, who am I, what is going to happen next.

This can be done in a way what is almost like an involuntary reaction resulting in conflicts within and without, when someone gets fed up, burned out, closed in or fall down.

I’ve seen drama. My whole family was in consistent drama when I was very young, that is my default baseline. To be paranoid, suspicious, self-interested and very-very reactive.
Reactive, meaning in the mind, thoughts, feelings, emotions, constantly up and down, left and right, there is no balance, center or a stable ground when someone is keep falling into various emotional storms, such as jealousy, fear, desire, anger or depression. These are learned patterns and repetition makes it more profound in terms of who we perceive and define ourselves to be.

The key though is the physical, to be HERE – not in the now, not in the past or future, but actually, physically embrace what is really here within and without.

My current point what I express today is that by looking at my actions, living conditions, my “HERE” location and what comes up first is that I got comfortable.

I have been walking Process since a decade now, I am much more stable than I was before that, I actually can direct and enjoy myself most of my active time, yet what I see is that I still maintain an isolation, self-separation from ALL what is here, in my mind, in my starting point, in my actions.

Let’s walk some of those excuses and justifications.

Usually the pattern is that Tala is being hard with himself, very strict, almost military-like approach – or at least this is what can be seen on me when reading my Process blog. Well, this is one aspect. Another is that I indulge myself into the daily activities, such as job, school, hobby, some travel, some party, some family time, but in general I see the desire to grow.

A desire, which is exactly what is called: something I wish for. I have plans, but not actual, realistic, worked out, practical, “executable” plans, but sort of feelings I can extract from my mind when I stimulate myself with great IDEAS.

Of course, nobody knows my potentials, what I could be capable of, including myself until it’s actually done. Not exactly calling this “to be proven”, but in a way, fact is always proof for what is real, what is here.

It is so easy to get comfort within Process yet I am always aware of that I am procrastinating, I am finding justifications why I do not risk more, why I do not organize, plan, ‘realize’ more.

That is something I am starting to embrace. The imagined, desired, perceived self versus what is actually here, real.
It’s like trying to drive a car on a road, while the GPS puts me 200 meters away on the map, showing that I am in the bushes and I do not look where I actually am with the car, the road, but I believe that I am in that forest, because my GPS is not properly calibrated, programmed.

That is Desteni I Process in a nutshell, a deprogramming, a calibration to find our LOCATION in this world, not just the GPS coordinates, but our role, our rule, our starting point, our character, constitution of self.

But not just to find, accept and embrace where and as who we are, but also who and how we would direct ourselves to CHANGE.

Self-directed change is the threshold point, the great divider in Life, not Death. Whoever can discover, understand, overcome and change their self-limitations with courage, commitment and 100% grounded, physical practicality, I call them sprouts of LIFE – that is where it starts.

It would be really naive to believe that who we are, just by our parenting, schooling in this current human world system is the most optimal, enjoyable and true to who we really are as part of all life.

It is difficult to realize when the thoughts are so fluid about an accepted self-limitation, because it has been solidified by convictions, excuses and justifications. Otherwise this human world system would be a much better place.

That to accept and take responsibility for is not easy, yet there is something incredibly grounding and maturing to eventually do.

There is so much crap happening in this world, it is so easy to lose traction of what are the real issues, problems, priorities in life and thus we end up with millions debating who can go to what toilets or when is it appropriate to kneel for what.
What is to realize is that we have collectively reached a point wherein our, everyone’s consciousness is almost like a living, breathing, reacting being with it’s own personality and character and to head-on fight it is futile.

So then how to approach WORLD CHANGE? Changing myself! I am in the world, I am of this world, I am existing AS the world. It is common sense.

Leading by example is always more effective than preaching empty words, telling people what and how to do their lives.

To transcend everything is to forgive everything, some said.

That’s why I re-commit myself to continue this blog, because the points I have already walked are here, transparent and real. I have changed so many things, made me a much more stable person, yet I still see all the uncertainty, doubt, judgment, reaction to various points, thus it is imperative to continue walking this process.

I have been ‘busy’ lately. Yes, new country, job, home. New profession, school, hobby, car, people, climate, everything is new. Except me.

Do I want to reborn, renew, change? Yes, indeed.

Do I want more happiness, joy or love? Not really. Those are reactions in my mind, don’t bother to chase any of those, they are delusions.

Instead of to focus on effectiveness, practicality, not to feel joy, but to express enjoyment. Same with love – how one can FEEL to love someone else? I mean it’s just a feeling in my head. So what? Every crazy can have a crazy feeling. What makes it true, real? Actions speak louder, so the question I ask myself and anyone reads this is what are my/your actions what are speaking louder than my thoughts, words, feelings?

Because in one way or another, we all die – inevitable. So in this way – we already lost our precious lives, the death sentence has been judged, just due to current earth’s living system’s bureaucracy, it takes a while until Death gets to us to be served. Sounds very dark, but it’s just fact.

Would I accept it to infinity as who I am existing as today? Would I be satisfied, proud, absolutely accepting? Not really.

That is the question everyone should ask themselves every day.

Not just about life in general, but this week, this day, this minute.

  • I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to worry that I will die self-dishonest, instead of realizing this is a fear of change, otherwise I would simply change what I am not satisfied with.
  • I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to justify why I do not change about what I see as obvious ‘character-flaw’ within, why I accept any second to exist as what has already proven to be not my utmost potential.

Many people get triggered with this mambo-jumbo-like ‘utmost potential’ when they hear, as it is something what can distract from actually LIVING here, today.
I am capable of adapting much more than I actually do it to be able to grow more, in terms of taking responsibility, not accepting self-dishonesty, such as suppression, judging, projecting things to others, myself.

That’s why true love can only start with self-love – otherwise all people talk about love, they might be just misaligned with their inner GPS and trying to act upon this idea of love, while they are not loving themselves, because accepting self-dishonesty, self-judgment, self-manipulation, self-suppression, etc.

  • I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hate myself, not admitting it to myself, but in the form of letting and accepting myself to exist within internal conflict, friction, doubt, worry and fear; never directly allowing this to sink in that currently, my location is like that, and the longer I postpone to really embrace this, the more I will develop internal conflicts and thus the longer I postpone to actually start dealing with facts, not convictions, delusions, hopes and desires, but what is really here in and as the physical.
  • I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to procrastinate to face the points I am aware of, just because of thinking that there will be time to deal with them later, not realizing that time is just a reflection and if I do not see accumulation of action being done in time, then it is a fact that I do suppress myself.
  • I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to answer to myself why I suppress myself and to admit that I fear of consequence, mistake and judgment – not other but from self and not realizing that the only way to move is by walking, meaning until I do not accumulate measurable action in this world, I am not really living my obviously available potentials.
  • I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to mesmerize myself with self-interest, even if it is self-limitation, it is a reason I have created myself in this way and I can discover it and learn from it.
  • I forgive myself that I have not realized that I have been accepting the comfort of the balance within my mind, when there is no internal conflict, not having motivation either, thus not really moving, not realizing that I wait and hope for motivation, inspiration in a form of mind-thought-feeling-based reactions to trigger me to be charged for start moving, instead of realizing that I can create motivation with direction, commitment and self-honesty.

I highly recommend reading other people’s blogs, so much can be learned and realized:

Journey To Life Process blogs page


Day 432 – One word can rule them all

P1020525I have been writing about mind polarity manifestations, as how everything is balanced within my and everyone else’s mind.

Positive and negative, all across one’s life, there is always one’s interest, even if it’s center is not oneself, it is still self-interest.

How one’s strive towards superiority originates from an initial judgment, experience, then self-definition of inferiority in regarding to specific things in life.

How one can define something more than it is, based on the value attaching to it.

There are so many patterns within our perception, reaction and behavior. We all believe that we know who we are, but until being able to see through and change these patterns, we are just consequence manifesting as it goes based on internal and external trigger points being judged, reacted to.

Everyone has a couple of stronger trigger points, which can pretty much determine their self-limitation in their life.

One of my key trigger points is related to my associations and ideas, definitions, convictions and desires about the word: FREEDOM.

What I am always after, what I always work towards is to be free of what limits me today.

Is it doubt, righteousness or fear today?

Maybe tomorrow will be some jealousy, blame mixed with insecurity.
Or after tomorrow I would experience some possession about something or someone, or perhaps a phobia would limit my awareness and possible actions.

It changes every day, thus sometimes it seems like better to go with the flow, however sometimes, “to be honest”, I need an intervention, to really sit down, write every single tiny detail down and make an educated guess of what would be the best approach from that gained understanding.

I can relate all back to the word freedom.

I doubt I can get really free, or am I feeling entitled to be more free than others, or maybe I fear to get to the
“fearless and free” state of what I would do or become?

Can I be envious to someone else’s freedom what I only perceive and define, yet not understand?
Or perhaps when my definition of free is threatened, to to get angry and possessive, like no matter what, I need to have this experience…

Just examples for reflecting back to a singular word. How simply we can be owned by self-definitions.

I am having a flu, been home for days – this used to be quite a bad experience, nowadays I do not define or judge, just to accept what it is.
I used to feel this limits my freedom, I can not travel, meet others or go to work whenever I want, because I am sick – my definition of freedom is now unavailable. Yet I choose to rest, I decide to heal. That decision is common sense, not a difficult one, yet that is the practical freedom here I can live without needing any polarity, just simply focus to what is real and here.

I know that there are very effective people, who have no inner resistances or doubts to do what they do best in their life. It’s just I only have what I am, who I am, so that’s what I have to live and work with, so if I have any self-limitation, obviously based on doubt, polarity; then it is my own responsibility and there is a high chance that not much people does even know what I could be capable of doing if I would not limit myself based on polarity games of my own mind.

Worth investigating, working, sharing about these points. Highly recommended.

Words can mean immense power, no wonder advertisements are payed in gold, wherein they just say one or two words in half minute. The words we allow to get echoed in our minds are also influencing, shaping, become us, thus it is worth to re-evaluate, refine, re-define the words we live by and as.

Practical Living Words explained by EQAFE