Day 422 – Problems of self-definitions

IMG_6035Continuing with self-communication, self-agreement, self-correction and self-commitment about mistakes, problems and solutions.

Concluding from my last blog:

  • everything having ‘problem’ word in it makes my mind frown
  • everything about ‘making a mistake’ feels like should be avoided at all costs
  • everything more than one clarity in my head makes me hesitate

It’s time to agree on this with common sense

I commit myself to embrace all the problems in the world I am going to face with openness, self-trust and curiosity.

I commit myself to prevent myself to react with worry and perfection addiction when hearing the word ‘problem’ and allow myself to look at it as it is any other things in this world: normal, meaning on every day it is normal to have problems and work with them.

I forgive myself that I have not realized that if I define something as a problem, it is in my head, no matter what’s happening with it in reality – it is to realize, everything is a problem if I want them to be seen as – thus to also realize: I only have problem with problems if I have a problem with problem itself, therefore:

When and as I hear, read, think or realize that there is a problem ahead – I stay calm and realize – problems can be solved, they are no problem at all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define problems as huge things what causing me to feel miserable, because worry of what if can’t solve the problem and what if this will have consequence, or what if [I imagine something worst] – and not realizing that is the fear aspect I give space to in my mind, instead of using creative imagination for solution – meaning to only use creative association game to things I am not afraid of, and if I am still afraid – to apply self-forgiveness to the specificity.

For instance:

Fear of manifesting irreversible consequences: it is still a big blob of undefined – that’s what makes fear work – because it’s not defined, not specified.
Once I start listing up specifically all of the fears I usually, in general, or at times I experience – I start to work with them more directly and seeing them as they are – opportunities, challenges.

I forgive myself that I have given permission myself and my mind to fear to some unknown, or imagined scenarios, instead of realizing that fear equals doubt, therefore I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to ever doubt myself.

Let’s continue on this for now.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to doubt myself, on myself, within myself, about myself. Period. I forgive myself for not trusting myself unconditionally, all ways.

This needs to be remembered.

I repeat, just for the sake of physical action of it: it matters.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not trust myself unconditionally, always, regardless of anything.

When and as I make mistakes, screw up, make something not work, fail or get bad – I realize – it is not me who failed, it is not that I should better doubt myself, but rather to realize this as well: it is that within this situation, about this point, I am not as effective as I wished or perceived myself to be, thus there is room for improvement, further understanding and specificity of reality-awareness.

Not that I am perfect and I should trust myself blindly. I trust MYSELF HERE – yet still looking at my skills, reality assessment with practical eyes.

But this to work, I need to be frank with myself all the time – otherwise I would start question and doubt myself.

So this is how to build confidence – specified to actual scenarios in my life where I am struggling with or not even bothering to try myself out at.

I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to get to a state of self-separation wherein I am confused, mixed, conflicted about self-trust and not being clear on how to apply, live and express self-trust, meaning putting trust to points/people where I should not have done that, and not trusting myself, people/things I should have, based on knowledge, conviction, opinion and judgment – basically self-interest.

I commit myself to re-shape and re-define, re-learn and re-establish self-trust based on facts, real understanding of who I am in fact and in potential by being honest with myself on what I am doing and with what I should be more effective.

I commit myself to write down all the skills and aspects of myself I do not trust myself with, to be able to forgive and let them go in order to grow.

I commit myself to establish a self-trust in terms of financial, monetary situation, meaning to be able to deal with money in a way what supports me and others around me, such as having budget and having a plan.

I commit myself to establish self-trust about approaching people and asking favors or things to do and to realize that confidence here is key, such as creativity and honesty as well.

I commit myself to establish self-trust about my work and job, anything coming at me as task or to-do, I embrace and look at it with common sense – immediately self-moving myself from receiving the job to investigating it – without reaction, emotion as realizing those are symptoms of doubt and fear.

I commit myself to trust myself about whenever I need to expand, reach out from my comfort zone socially(talking with new people), professionally(solving new problems at work) or financially(accounting, planning and disciplining myself).

I commit myself to find balanced way to provide myself a healthy and supportive home(including health, shopping, accommodation) with considering money, others and my other commitments about money and self-trust; meaning to find a way to support my body and my process with consideration to my budget.

I commit myself to embrace the fact that if I let go self-interest and fear – I am more clean within and effective towards things to do, because there is no friction within myself and thus I am not preoccupied or distracted from what is here.

I commit myself to continue with self-communication, self-honesty and self-correction.

I commit myself to re-define and re-program myself, whenever the word PROBLEM I experience – to realize that a problem is just another thing in existence with everything else altogether, thus to let go the initial fear and worry of doubt and possibly bad manifested consequences and to focus on practical common sense.

I commit myself to BE the physical body as presence, embodied by the commitment of self-honesty to live in each moment equally – as to realize that real freedom is to be free in and as my own human physical body, meaning no fear, no doubt, but to level with whatever is here in front of me as equal as one and MOVE.

I commit myself to embrace possibility and inevitability of making A mistake, as I already did a lot and I am still here; instead of considering all the ‘best scenarios’ in my mind with all the ‘actual fact’ in reality – and to realize that it is only real what is here, so I specifically commit myself to drop all the fear-based outcome-mind-simulation and focus on WHAT can I DO HERE to apply unconditionally.

I commit myself to ground myself in and as physical, as body, breathing, living flesh here, when I hear or experience the word PROBLEM – as to let go and prevent myself going into reaction automatically – but to re-train myself and to remain present, clear, empty and open.

I commit myself to don’t shy away from curiosity and enjoyment, whenever finding myself in front of a PROBLEM as it means there can be a solution which I can find if I really want, thus to remind myself – at a problem it is up to me how to solve, which is actually cool.

I commit myself to let go all energy, reaction, memory, association, intuition, automatic response and if I see these, I breathe and observe these go while I am re-establishing physical and awareness – PRESENCE here.

I commit myself to take full responsibility for how I behave in regarding to any and all PROBLEMs in this world, and to OWN them as much as I see fit with self-honesty, self-trust and self-enjoyment.

I commit myself to STOP WAITING for energy to appear within me and MOVE ME – I MOVE MYSELF with and as BREATH in and as the PHYSICAL HERE.

I commit myself to STOP trying to ignore energy within me, but rather to look where it’s being created and how and why, as it is ME (t)here creating it, so I also can understand and stop that to give space and opportunity to me to see what’s more I can do than automatically react and judge, define and categorize.

I commit myself to keep accounting about any moments of doubts, visible or not visible(when suppressing, when finding inner conflict, any anxiety, fear not being clear of why and how I accept) – and work with them until they are neutralized, meaning I am here, trigger point being here, yet I do not move, but direct myself according to the specificity of a self-agreement in that situation.

I commit myself to acknowledge and be aware of energetic responses, reactions in my body and mind, yet to follow them without becoming the pattern.
I commit myself to immediately look back to see what I did when I have energetic reaction within myself(body and/or mind), to understand with what I create this energetic reaction, essentially a manifested physical energy consequence of my judgment, separation, self-dishonesty and fear.

I commit myself to stop fearing from making mistakes but to focus on what I am doing and trusting myself that even if I fall, I learn from that.
I commit myself to give extra care and consideration when something I see as potential worry, when it’s about safety or caring for another lives, so then I am really clear on what level of responsibility I’ve given to.

When and as I keep doubting myself, a.k.a ergo not improving with the commitments I make, I return to writing to further self-investigation.

This type of writing is basically gold, as literally can assist to reveal conflicting self and thus being able to work with them to resolve those conflicts.

Conflict – good catch!

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear conflicts as within conflict I allow to react automatically with worry and doubt, because of the memories me being a child with understanding yet no power, nowhere to run, no money to have, not enough understanding of the world and myself, yet I can’t leave, can’t ask for more help, thus simply remembering the memories of me making mistakes, not taking opportunities, thus defining myself based on that, and thus defining myself as someone who makes mistakes, who should doubt himself; instead of realizing that if I give into the doubt and fear, I only focus to the worst, thus not seeing things clearly, therefore also at problems I do not tend their solution but I see the past, what’s already gone – instead of always starting anything with bringing myself here into physical presence and awareness, then to act with common sense.


Day 421 – Suppression and action

PSX_20190527_005358I forgive myself that I have not realized when and how and why I suppress – meaning I do not express, but react in my mind something what with I justify not acting what comes up to do through self-judgement, self-definition and fear and not realizing that the stopping and prevention of this self-dishonesty is specificity and detail-oriented understanding to be able to see the points BEFORE reacting, see the pattern of consequence BEFORE manifesting.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed to become intimate with myself without resistance and categorization, judgments and polarity and thus not being aware of what I really want due to being overwhelmed to the reactions I keep accepting and allowing, such as desire for more financial stability and freedom yet not changing my current money-related patterns, thus becomes hope, desire and eventually frustration, friction, anger – instead of taking the effort, the time to sit down and design a plan, a structure to work with in reality with consideration of what’s here and what’s possible next.

I forgive myself that I have not realized that I judged my sexuality and defining it as inferior and not priority and thus wanting to suppress it, eventually becoming a thing in my head taking over to exert the accumulation of self-neglecting – instead of forgiving the judgment, the ideal image of me and the fear of being judged by myself projected to others.

I forgive myself that I have not realized that I use sexuality as a tool to intensify my mind energetic experiences, stimulating with images and sounds to charge these energies within me and eventually with discharging simulating self-movement, not realizing that any mind-movement, such as thoughts, feelings and emotions to accept, generate, re-create – is suppression, the opposite of expression, thus the opposite of living and not seeing the solution right here, which is trust self, learn from mistakes and ACT with consideration, but not with reactions.

I forgive myself that I have not established a quiet place within myself as default, natural self-expression of myself, but I still need to work on myself to negate, let go or prevent to participate in mind-patterns and mind-constructs and also not realizing that once I stop accumulating the WORK on and as SELF HERE, the patterns keep coming back and I eventually react, become and get possessed by my convictions and delusion to a point of not being able to remain fully present in and as the physical.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to immediately realize when I am justifying self-delusion, for instance when I have a commitment to myself to do something, such as writing my blog, yet I still can listen to my thoughts of ‘tomorrow!’ and not realizing the reasons of that justification is obvious procrastination.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to justify one self-dishonesty within me and the next becoming easier as the things to be corrected become more and more to a point of simply giving up and into the temptation of energetic mind-addiction just to feel this virtual, fake self-movement, even when I am aware of that this is not real, relevant, does not accumulate to manifesting what is best – instead of committing myself to absolutely not take any bullshit from myself and stand up as life and honor my potentials with stopping participating within justifications and energetic mind movement addiction.

I got a friend over here last week and we were in this club, wherein he pointed out that we are so inhibited that basically we can’t get the subject of our desire but it is in front of our eyes and what he meant was to pick up ladies although I did not really plan to do that, but as I was observing various ladies and myself, I realized that I kind of have desire to connect, to give and receive, however made it to a kind of closed case because of a bunch of excuses. That this music is crap, this place is uncool, those ladies are drunk, this one has thick ankle, that one is with a man already – not that anything of these matter in being spontaneous and direct, yet with a bunch of those ‘reasons’ I was able to convince myself that this is not worthy to make any effort – yet I was in that club, I was still looking and through all the suppression, seeing desires being triggered within and before acting upon those, judging my desires as not self-honest, thus to just suppress them no matter what.

It seems like that the trap is that I react through judgement, let’s say ‘positive’ first – example – this gadget is so cool, I NEED it – or back to previous point – that lady I like, she looks and acts cool apparently – so there is this positive reaction. But the reason that exists is because the already accepted negative self-judgment. So to deal with these sometimes it can feel like dog is chasing it’s tail, or what was first, the chicken or the egg – positive or negative? In fact both are result of not being self-honesty in the first place, so does it really matter? How one can end up not understanding oneself?

At this point I do not fully listen to myself, not just the reaction, the judgment, but it’s like a drop of rain. Because I am busy with reacting and judging, so that ‘machine’ within me is moving, I am listening to my thoughts, feelings, reactions.
But because of that – I do not see for instance – I would not mind to connect with someone, but not just for an one night ‘stand’ – that I also judge as unworthy. Not that everyone in any club would look for that only. But that is also a projection of my already suppressed and intensified desire: that would be the goal, to have sex for instance – but the whole thing becomes this big campaign and act for something I desire yet I can’t act upon as I also define it as ‘not so cool’.

It can become a trap that I suppress something due to first positive, then negative self-judgments, so then I want it and at the same time also denying it and this creates inner friction, inside a LOT happens in my mind, yet I do not ACT, MOVE, INITIATE, RISK and ENJOY.

Probably, because of the nature of my personality, how I approach judgments, reactions, risks and fear – this carries over through my entire life, not just about partner, gadgets or belonging to certain lifestyles, so ending up in between being honest and dishonest as well.

It’s fascinating to see how these can build up massive waves of reactions, even the most overtaking mind-possessions start with one thought, feeling or emotion and what grows them is the accumulation and repetitive suppression.

I used to define myself as buddhist about a decade ago, before got lucky finding Desteni I Process and stopped all spiritual activity and started to write and work with words and myself directly.
There was a ‘teaching’ about how to transcend desires I remember, some I absolutely have to say NO to, some I have to experience it with fully open mind to realize it’s empty and thus my self-dishonest nature in regarding to understand how and why I self-created this whole thing in my head and I become completely preoccupied with, meanwhile I KNOW that I also simply just could DO THINGS and learn from that directly.

I wrote about fear of making mistakes or fear of failure so many times before, but it does not matter how many times I write or even say self-forgiveness on this one, until I live that self-forgiveness, it also just can become an other suppression.

Specificity and planning, structure and reality-awareness should assist here – for instance, if I desire to find someone to go out with, I have to own and embrace that notion within and to make a self-honest decision, how should I follow up on this one. The current pattern is that I do not do anything about it. Obviously not cool, so I need to push through the resistances, the comfort zone.

From the comfort zone of ‘not making any mistake’, feeling happy – to making mistakes and prevent judging myself about it.

That seems like a pinnacle of simple action to focus to.
Or even to have a screenplay, if I worry so much – and I do not really feel like that but there must be some suppression, because I only expose my inhibition and desire by the inner friction, the fact that I DO NOT MOVE. To plan what to do, say is still better than doing nothing, but the key here is regardless of the outcome, not to judge myself – observer, understand, but to not give into the energetic addiction of participating within positive or negative polarity.
It does not mean should not feel great or bad – it just means instead of the fake ‘action’ of judging myself and situations and others – simply look at it as common sense and scientific research – facts, facts, facts. Nothing personal within someone saying NO to me, but the issue here is that I have tendency to judge myself when not getting what I want.

Thus ending up simply neglecting a lot of aspects of myself, possibilities in this world system by declaring them unworthy of my actions, yet my reactions tell a different story.

This is interesting, will continue further…

Day 420 – Distractions and Problems

IMG_3369This I noted recently:

If I stay in the mind, I forget, I miss, I get distracted

To clarify some things:

I used to fight my mind, it’s easy to blame it, to define as the boogeyman – but it’s just a mechanism, a self-aware consciousness manifestation of all my acceptances and allowances and will always show me my limitation.
It’s easy to fall into the intensity game with energetic experiences as with those I can lift off myself from another energetic experiences and in the meantime it FEELS like movement, velocity, expression – yet it is still self-suppression as I do not live directly in and as the physical with self-trust.

The more I fight – the more I struggle, the more I sink because as I am fighting with myself – I will win, sure, but I also will lose and this path is never ending, yet I do not really change or expand.

Instead of fighting, embracing and calming, stopping and releasing the patterns is more practical and effective.

Within my current DIP Pro course assignment I’ve tapped into a pattern I share here, which is to avoid conflicts.
Because conflicts always get me, I get influenced, dragged into and eventually I will be angry at myself as at least I know that I am always responsible for my anger, being angry at myself. So ended up with suppression, avoiding conflicts with myself and others.

Avoiding conflict with myself results with suppression and not challenging my limitations.

Avoiding conflicts with others results also with suppression and not speaking and speaking up, not directing my life effectively and definitely becoming angry with myself eventually.

So it is something I need to work through with self-forgiveness and self-corrective action.

With my wonderful DIP course buddy, what makes the course more awesome, I got a quite wake-up call by making me aware of the fact that I have problem with the word ‘problem’ as it already initiates an energetic response by default, as based on my past and memory and self-definition – problems are … well, in my head are more problem than they actually are.

This is how I started to walk it:

I forgive myself that I have not realized how I define and avoid anything labeled as problem and making it more than it is in my mind and within that not realizing the overall mood and energetic charge I boost myself into, wherein I spend time with the reactions to the defined problem, instead simply focusing to a situation I am dealing with, letting go the label of problem and the associations to the word ‘problem’.

I forgive myself that I have not realized that I carry memories of the past about the word ‘problem’ and seeing, interpreting, making myself feel as it is a ‘boogeyman’, meaning anything problem-atic is something what definitely will make me react, sweat and suffer by default and not allowing myself to naturally grow, to embrace situations without reacting to my judgments about them.

I forgive myself that I have not realized that I have believed and defined myself to be ineffective, bad, weaken when facing a situation wherein I immediately have to respond to and within that defining ‘real time’ situations/issue/challenges as problematic and not realizing that it is of doubt, fear of mistakes, fear of judgments and fear of consequences, which is not specific to the actual scenario, but (w)allowing myself into the past, because it is ‘known’ and defining that ‘knowledge’ as useful, familiar, safe – yet not realizing that I am locking myself into a conditioning, yet I can also forgive and let go.

I forgive myself that I have not realized that the word problem carries signatures of worry, annoyance, chore, tiredness and limitation, and keep accepting myself to exist within this automatic association, instead of forgiving myself for accepting to define, relate and think problem as something not good automatically and thus pre-determining my experiences and moments based on my past.

I forgive myself that I have not realized that problem can be also re-defined, such a something challenging to embrace and grow with by solving and thus also to see that worry and anxiety is never common sense to choose, yet if I fall into, it is me who can and should say STOP when noticing this pattern to emerge from within.

I forgive myself that I have not realized that my personality and beingness is influenced and shaped by the consistent reactions to situations what I automatically judge as problematic, difficult, exhausting, annoying and limiting; instead of realizing that the attitude and starting point change from automatic negative association to self-created clarity and emptiness within my mind can assist and support me to grow out of automatic falling into those patterns with presence, breathing with physical awareness and decisions of actions.

I forgive myself that I have not realized that I’ve projected ‘problem’ to X.(a person), in general to his personality, behavior and expression, thus anytime meeting him or anyone similar in this regard – automatically rendering myself to keep an eye to a possible, extra problem to need to deal with and thus automatically defining the person as ‘there is a limit of them being with me’ and within that not realizing that what I try to avoid and resist is MY OWN reactions, judgments, projections, because I can’t stop reacting to those, thus making me unstable and unreliable, yet blaming X for that.

I forgive myself that I have not realized that I keep blaming people who are not defined by me as simple and predictable, so it is them who make me react, not myself, and thus not focusing to SELF HERE, but to their patterns to judge and justify co-existing with in inner conflict, yet it is a simple decision and action to ALWAYS STOP and PREVENT blame and take the point back to self.

I forgive myself that I have not realized that I fear conflicts, because within that I lose control and suppression, pretending and acting, because within conflict I am automatically triggered to radical emotional accumulation, ending up with exerting anger or further suppression; instead of embracing the conflicts I resist and understand them as myself and focusing on solving, transcending them as my own limitations by realizing – everything is as it is, labels I can dissolve to discover what’s here and possible.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to utilize polarity with word problem to balance with SOLUTION as everything I define as problem needs to be solved or let go or justified why keep accepting and within that not realizing that my stability, expression and self here depends on the definition of solution, problem and within that not realizing that solution can be subjective and free-form as well, not needs to be defined based on my problems.

I forgive myself that I have not realized that to exist within the mind-set of problems and solutions, limiting my perception with polarity, energetic experiences and being gullible to react and get distracted by the reactions; instead of developing the skill and ability to keep at point of self-expression HERE, present and directive – and not only to see problems and solutions, but simply trust self and do my best with whatever I encounter.

I forgive myself that I have not worded to myself something what I kept carrying through the decades as ‘problem’, such as “I do not like asking people to do something that I know or believe they dislike or hate doing because I fear being a nuisance to them” and within that immediately realizing that this is not common sense as I can’t know how people would react and also there are situations wherein it does not matter how someone can react to it – because people have agreed roles and responsibilities and based on that, what I have to tell them, does not matter how it would ‘feel’ within them, or within myself – so instead of focusing on living compassion, practicality and effectiveness and with that to consider others and myself, yet also focusing on an approach what does not make me feeling bad, but rather see it as a challenge and something I can even enjoy learning as an ability.

I forgive myself that I have not realized that I avoid and fear of conflicts because within those I react, fall into emotions, polarity and self-interest, so trying to avoid those situations, yet not realizing that the very avoidance of that is already self-interest as making me assume that I react, fall apart and become emotional within conflicts, thus self-defining, crystallizing my limitation and not allowing myself to naturally grow out of this pattern with confidence.

I forgive myself that I have not realized that the key within conflicts and friction to anchor myself HERE into and as physical presence and thus remain present, directive and disciplined with the prevention of reaction, polarity and doubt.

I forgive myself that I have defined myself to be annoyed by becoming a nuisance to people and within that not realizing that I focus to my reactions, based on that focusing to what others might feel and then based on that to define how I should feel about my expression and not realizing the stupidity within such self-deception, instead of focusing on what is required to do in order to apply self-trust and common sense.

I forgive myself that I have not realized the reason resisting conflicts and becoming a nuisance to people, because then I would not expect to be judged as a nice guy, as a pattern of someone cool, because then I would judge myself to be not cool, then fearing that to be bad and thus trying to avoid, yet not realizing that friction and conflict is natural in life and thus it is something I have to be comfortable with facing and overcoming.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to always want to win other’s judgement and opinion of me being a nice guy because then based on their behavior I would easily judge myself to be a nice person, guy; and thus thriving to that positive affirmation, becoming addicted to and automatically resisting anything that would challenge that – again all based on my own judgments of what is nice, good, positive without realizing before the actual participation.
I forgive myself that I have not realized that within the nice guy pattern I do not establish self-agreement and self-support as clarity of what I accept and what I don’t and within that automatically being judged, defined, reacted to by myself when interacting with others, when facing situations what I judge as problematic; instead of taking the time, the self-knowledge, the self-honesty to answer to me – what is acceptable, what is not sustainable to accept, what is practical, what is actually supportive.

I forgive myself that I have not realized that the main fuel of my attention, reaction, focus and whole ‘passion’ for me wherein I can generate reactions, positive affirmations, self-soothing responses from others and within that becoming completely dependent and addicted to other’s judgments on me; instead of developing and establishing self-communication, self-trust and self-honesty to realize what’s practical and what’s not, what’s supportive and what’s not, what I actually enjoy and what I don’t.

I commit myself to work with the word and my reactions of ‘problem’ by REAL TIME SELF-FORGIVENESS and self-corrective application to STOP and let the definition go and look at the problems as they really are with self-trust and self-honesty.

Here is an awesome and free interview from EQAFE about heart attack:

Day 419 – Mind-patterns and DIP course

IMG_1704Just about any particular word in our mind’s vocabulary, there are so many layered systems influencing our decisions without any real awareness of manifesting consequences.
There is like word to use it in a condition, I try to grab a thing I word, but in fact it’s not direct one and equal expression and living and experience, but it is surrounded by these polarity systems completely infesting the whole experience for a specific type of control what our mind’s limitation dictates and it is quite scary to realize it in a way; yet liberating, because then there is a way out solution, liberation through writing words, decomposing associations and reactions to words and understanding their origin, and thus our own creation.
And within that lies the ability to change, the focus to manifest so to speak better future.
In this it’s really fascinating to understand that one has no escape but literally sit down and write out these timelines and mind constructs with Desteni I Process Pro course, because before one is reaching this level of direction, application, awareness and responsibility in practical action, until that there is no real discussion about any kind of or level or true self-realization, because everything is infected through these systems, what has been within our minds in order to be able to justify the choice we already made yet at certain situations we still believe that we are making the decisions what are directing our lives, however it is so far from this.
That’s why it’s fascinating to literally face and push breath by breath through the resistance to apply this quite long yet extremely rewarding process of writing through self-forgiveness.
And within that lies the even more direct realization is that what only matters is 1+1=2 in terms of accumulation of action. So that’s why anyone who thinks freely have no idea about any sort of freedom.
And it does not mean that one should not think anything at all, ever. Still directing words through the mind means I can utilize certain capabilities of my mind, however I am in direction and I am the creator of the consequences, not some decision based on self-interest, because everything has this polarity system good or bad, leveling up all together and then making the priority decision on what to focus to and how.

And it’s all kind of revealing, because as one starts to understand and discover these layered systems and programmed mind-functions the more one is able to observe these systems in others so that also becomes a responsibility. Shall I? or How, or why or not?
It’s really just when catching these points, when I was looking away in this moment, there was this tendency to think, jump away with some thought pattern from this moment/movement, because thinking seems fast and thus effective, however it’s just a well oiled system, so easy to make it move and influence and direct.
However always behind all of these decisions is self, myself making the decisions, even though it seems easy to make these decisions, almost like, just like a flipper game, bouncing between these condition systems, eventually making a decision of what is best for me, so what’s I am going to do.
That’s basically simple, everyone, self-interest. Even when one thinks, ‘I am here to help others’ – that’s their interest. The actual accumulation of real change what they bring, and real help is always questionable.
Charity – all are just for the show, justifying self-interest, greed, addiction.

It’s one thing to realize this, and another is not to go into ‘knowledge-mode’, because knowledge without application is useless, here meaning to bring this all back to self.

What is my interest, what are my decisions, what are my systematic reactions to words, situations, who am I within those moments?

It’s so easy to justify patterns what constitutes my self-definition, let’s get an example in the dynamics of my colleagues/friends and myself in regarding to certain qualities people associate me with.


  • Always striving towards the best coffee
  • Not shying away to express my disappointment in less quality coffee
  • Rather not having coffee if it’s not as good as I like
  • It’s justifiable to pay more, even double price for better coffee
  • I prefer drinking it pure, black – no milk, sugar or cacao or cinnamon
  • It seems that I prefer these conditions to be applied in my life, people remember me based on these expressions of mine.

These are typical self-definitions to keep an eye on to ensure not to become self-limited by simple ideas…

Of course the system of this self-definition is less ‘radical’ as extra conditions can change it – when there is no way getting good coffee and I feel that I need it’s effect, I do not care of the fancy quality or when I think it’s cappuccino time, it’s okay with milk plus cacao

So who am I within this? Why I prioritize quality coffee? Who I become with the better coffee experience and expression?

The LOGIC within this is that there are explanations for all of these statements, it’s easy to justify.

Some people are good with the all in one nescafe-powder, for me that feels like a punishment. Too less coffee, too much chemical, sugar and the taste is also mediocre.

Not even going into the whole corporation’s character and actions – Nestle – sending money to them is literally supporting predatory capitalism and exploitation in a way. They are not evil though – it’s a system and accumulation creates it.

It is all fine to see it from different angles, until I do not lose the big picture – I mean the greatest view or canvas of all life – which seems so much greater and literally in physical size bigger than myself that I easily can justify an experience of insignificance and powerlessness, which again would end up justifying to pursue my own self-interest, as I am so insignificant, my choices do not ripple to a world change, who else should give me my happiness, than me, so hell yes, I pursue this quantitative feeling good experience.
Of course by dissected, decomposed and understood, all the ‘good and positive’ I gain from the key word to be experienced here: quality – all I manifest is polarity, so then I will be exposed to experience the ‘crap’, which then automatically falls into the ‘bad and negative’ – as nothing can be good without something already being bad.

And it’s all self-created. How this decision can affect all life in existence, one might asks.
Coffee comes from plantations, people work there, someone owns the land, the corporation, the transport, the market, the bank providing the money system, the law what controls the flow, the army what guards the pillars in that system, the media what influences the minds towards impulses to buy coffee.
There are participants all over, even though it just seems like a handful of coffee grind I consider, the footprint of my tiny decision accumulates into patterns of a greater scale, dozens, hundreds, thousands and millions do matter and manifest.

It’s like a plastic garbage – if I litter in the forest alone, probably noone notices, but if a thousand people go there and one from ten throws away, there will be a hundred garbage, probably staying there for a thousand year.

If I buy a coffee from a producer what uses child-labor with exploitation, with my money I keep sending them to, so they probably will invest from that money to strengthen and protect their business.

Recently I bought this coffee in Galway city, something like ‘Equal Exchange, Women farmers grew this organic ground coffee, they respect fine taste’ – not that I was mesmerized by the positive feedback of ‘me saving the world and all women with this’, but rather out of curiosity how it tastes and how I would relate these words.
Not really knowing how much I really make a difference with this, actually I did not do any research on this company, product, it’s impact – but certainly there is a notion of, if possible and not being too uncomfortable, it seems logical to do things what seem good.

That’s a self-interest there, purely.

I feel good, when I think I do good. My vocabulary says, good means good for me and others as well.

How is this still self-interest? It’s all in the mind, about how I feel, not what I do accumulate. That part I only can hope in this scenario. So that’s also an interesting pillar in this – the complete lack of self-direction through hope.
Hope is like an attraction, so in polarity terms, there is some resistance waiting to be manifested to make it ‘real’ to my mind.

So – this whole rant is just about making the point of how enchanting one can feel about making self-interest to seem like not self-interest – again, for and as self-interest.

The practical action is to consider all participants up to my capabilities within self-honesty and acting based on that realization, even if it means it’s not making me feel good – or bad, which can be for just to be able to double down on the ‘being good by that’ side.

If I would have not writing this whole thing down, but doing it in my head – nothing is substantial, I make the word-associations and reactions much-faster, I do not move physically, thoughts trigger emotions/feelings, more thoughts, and I can be automatically moved, overwhelmed, influenced so quickly that I am not even realizing it.

That’s why the writing, that’s why the looking the dynamic of the words – as I was writing all out from me, I am here, empty, clear, stable and vigilant to notice any self-dishonesty, any self-interest, any polarity, anything automatic.

Everyone has their own life, realization and expansion process, it’s really rewarding to face brutal, heavy, difficult, annoying or problematic points within one’s life when those are literally imprisoning us; however it’s also intriguing to find moments of clarity and stability and actively look for apparently less important or ‘huge’ points and still applying the same principles of writing, understanding, realizing and forgiving, committing to change and finding the practical action to live that. Oftentimes these ‘small’ points carry the same signature as our ‘huge’ life-challenge points, and can give good insight and support.
Even more sense to start accumulating self-direction and expansion with points what we are not totally scared of, but seemingly small – just to remember – scale is also relevant and do not allow polarity to screw you over and ending up falling into reaction, judgement and emotions.

That’s why the basics of self-support needs to be studied and learned to apply in practical action.

DIP LITE free course helps with that. It’s amazing!

DIP PRO will show more details on the human mind and it’s patterns, and how to work with deeper patterns – absolutely recommended!

Everything forms us who we become and leave behind, for me one of the greatest gifts was, is and going to be are the Desteni I Process courses.
I do not gain any benefit by ‘promoting it’ – it’s really that great so it’s worth sharing why it’s the greatest online school at the moment!

Everyone has their own way, pattern and even justification why they do not need to check DIP out, why not to start applying it – by the numbers of people applying it and keep growing with it’s support – it does not seem too much, yet each of them are guaranteed that they take away something for their all life with a greater understanding
even if they stop applying it, at least they will always know – this is what can have results, not the mantra or prayers, because it’s tangible, accumulative and measurable, works with words, reactions, patterns, physical timelines and commitments, self-change and expansion.

Day 418 – Pain and Self-movement

IMG_1359How can I indulge into a self-deception around utilizing pain as excuse not to move?

I got pain – not too often, but nowadays there is more, got some cold/mild infection around my right ear, the whole right part of my head hurts when I make a swift move or when it’s cold.

There is something dual wired in my mind about pain which is not entirely clear, so let’s do clarify it here.

First of all – pain in my right ear – which is like a yearly appearance in my life – sounds like I have pain to be right here, meaning in my mind it starts to become painful to be consistently here, so I just try not to hear what is going on.

So when I have pain, I have this dual triggering within me – from one side, I feel pain, I should just stay still until the pain goes away, until that just relax, be entertained, rest and take it easy.

The another notion I also have is what Bernard (mr Poolman) told me when I was at the Desteni farm almost a decade ago:

  • When you are in pain, move immediately!

The most practical action one can do – in fact one should always move no matter what, meaning to express self – but when something causing pain, the best to DO something about it.

Sometimes when I am ill and having a lot of pain, I give into it and doing nothing and it is fine but the pain does not really go away and when I start moving and doing, getting things done – regardless of the type of pain – then it starts to go away. In the mind it can be inflated as well.

Pain is such a mystery in a way, what it makes me to be and do.

Sometimes, while embracing pain, I go into it, breathing, experiencing with no resistance – and in a way it’s empty, it’s just an information, but that there can become an other self-definition and then again – separating the ‘myself’ experience from the physical, which is procrastination.

Another times when I am in pain, I am becoming very punctual and effective. It’s like ‘I am suffering, yet this has to be done, so the best is to do it with the most practical way, no waste of time.’
And that no bullshit attitude has some ingredient of self-presence what probably moves forward the recovering and fading the pain.

So it is also about to be able to distinguish mind-pain and physical pain.

It’s like when seeing rich, depressed people sitting there and obviously having zero fun and all the financial freedom potential they carry without being able to utilize. Does not even matter if they are rich or poor, the worst prison is the mind-prison, because it’s self-sentenced and self-served.

I KNOW that these annoying one-week-off painful illnesses are consequences of becoming obsessive in my mind and generating too much energy out of my physical – yet still being able to fall into.

For so long I believed that if I have pain, I should endure it, by embracing I will understand more, although when I have to work at the same time it is literally no fun and affecting my effectiveness as can become an other way of mind-spiral, just going into this ‘pain – pain – pain’ pattern without direction.

So that’s how recently became a condition – when my pain is growing on me so much that I can not do anything and I am not very-very sick, I consider taking the edge of the pain away. Nurophen or Rubophen, Algopyrin or Aspirin, Lemsip or Neocitran – temporally salvation from the reality consequence I’ve manifested.

The key is recognition here, to be brave enough to admit to myself of what was the stupid mind-pattern I got hooked onto and manifesting this level of distress wherein my mind-body-beingness responding with suffering. Otherwise the painkiller is only serving suppression and postponement.

There is so much duality and friction potential I can see in my mind, even right now – it’s astonishing , it’s literally like a fractal kaleidoscope generator – for instance the thought occurred to me – pain makes me grumpy – and then next thought was ‘grumpy can be good sometimes’ – ‘but not too much’ – ‘better to appreciate the moments of no-pain – once pain is going away’.

So it’s like an excuse as well – I am in pain now, I am ill/sick, I can have a ‘fuck off, world’ flag and just indulge into self-interest without shame. Regardless of if I move or I don’t.

It is almost like self-created in order to justify the level of self-interest I accepted to exist within.

I always disliked pain. Of course, most people do. That primal response what thunders through my whole body and beingness when there is a pain, it’s really powerful.

It’s like adrenaline pumped into my brain, clearing off anything else but the pain and there are certain types what I am probably good with enduring – when mosquitoes bite, usually I do not really care, although that’s not really pain, rather annoyance.
The potential of Pain can make one not to move or look or realize something – but at the same time can also support movement and realization – it’s really up to self.

Pain can make people do things what they would never even consider just to have a glimpse of hope of stopping the pain.

Also, when the pain is obviously not going away, there is a real embrace what can happen and as humans can get used to literally almost anything, this is not an exception either.

But pain changes people so definitely worth investigating one’s relationship with it, which I am going to do and continue this later.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be defined and influenced by pain without understanding and awareness but to automatically react with avoidance of pain at all times, no matter what type of or kind of pain it is or is it actually real or only perceived pain due to a self-definition-type of delusion.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use and utilize pain as an excuse and justification of why not move, express self-movement, stopping or change when it’s common sense to do it, just it might involve uncomfortability/pain.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to WORD the PAIN I am experiencing and thus not being clear on what is the actual painful point in my life in the moment and thus only reacting to my memories, definitions and reactions to pain and rendering myself automatic with consent and hope of that I do not need to experience the pain soon because it makes me not move, however it is me what make me not move, and the pain here is just justification.

I forgive myself that I have not realized that if I keep getting obsessed with things in my mind and not stopping but only intensifying and spiraling down with total lack of self-respect and self-honesty, then all those energetic experiences can and eventually will mess up something healthy in and as my human physical body and then I definitely will have an unpleasant experience wherein I know that I will be less effective – yet when I am IN the pattern, just not stopping.

When and as I see, realize and understand that I am in an mind-possession, which can be just like an obsession with something/someone and keep ‘minding’ about it, I remember and making myself clear on the fact that I KNOW WHERE THIS LEADS TO, which I do not want and I would only regret doing, so I STOP – I stop this pattern and reconsider if the action I was within while being in this mind-pattern is really supporting me and all life here – and if not, then to be direct and firm to STOP.

I commit myself to not get obsessed with the things in my mind in order to intensify and stimulate more level of energy because it is not life, it is not supporting and it is definitely not healthy for the physical because it’s fluctuations and movements are overwhelming and weakening the body which then will need more rest and recovery, meanwhile having pain.

I commit myself pain not to make stop moving, and to realize – I check how much I should get done while being in pain by considering my physical condition and limits, what is healthy to do, for instance not to try to run with a broken leg or when got cold to wear a beanie and not spend time in cold for too long. Simplicity is key and if I can’t apply that – it is undeniable the necessity to STOP and let go all I was busy participating within for a while to be able to see it clearly.

I see and realize and understand that pain is also me, an aspect of me showing what is the consequence, yet it is not to be taken personally or reacting to it as it is only a symptom of something else and it should be clear what I can support myself with to heal this pain and it’s cause.

I commit myself to be able to see what’s mind-pain, wherein I create my own hell so to speak and to exist within it making me feeling worse up to a point of manifesting actual physical pain – and within that recognition I commit myself to STOP.

When and as I have difficulty to stop with a pattern what can cause me to manifest pain, I write, I chat with my DIP buddy, the group and ask for support.

When and as I see that I am utilizing pain as an excuse not to do or behave according to what seems to be the best option, then I forgive myself for using pain as justification not to stand up as life and I stop using pain as an excuse and focusing on recovering with practical common sense and committing myself not to use pain as excuse for crap I should have done yet did not or should have not done yet I did.

I commit myself to keep my commitments real and as action, regardless of the pain I experience and only reconsidering when it is obviously something what needs resting in priority.
I commit myself to embrace pain yet not to get influenced by it to a point of not applying myself within self-honesty.

I commit myself to stop fearing pain and painful situations by realizing that truth hurts and it’s the only way forward to stop escaping pain but to face it and remain who I am as Life within and as pain as well.

I commit myself to keep preventing myself to harm my human physical body with obsessive, repetitive, recreational mind-patterns but to utilize the desteni tools and start accumulating physical action, such as writing and sounding self-forgiveness.

I commit myself to learn how to breathe properly with presence and self-direction, regardless of pain or pleasure.

I commit myself to utilize pain as learning and understanding when it occurs and instead of trying to get rid of it or suppressing it without questioning, to ask why is this happening and how can I relate into self-honesty application from here.

Day 417 – With Body to Awareness

IMG_1350We all know there is kinesiology working, meaning professionals can utilize the human physical body to assist with specific mind-issues and it is an indication for a potential not many use within self-honesty, including myself.

What I have noticed is that I can catch micro-expressions on my face for instance when participating in communication or social interaction with others.
Sometimes I can notice that some part of my face can have a tick, a glitch, a slight movement automatically – other body parts, hands, legs also can ‘pick up’ slight mind-movements, but the discovery started with my face.

I remember, when Sunette told me in 2010 that there are specific TV-series what are built around truths in terms of self-support, for instance ‘Lie to me’ – wherein a specialist group focuses on the human face’s micro-expressions to solve social challenges, problems, including crime. They ask tough questions to the accused and the look/record their face, measure blood pressure, etc.

The body as being aware really knows what’s going on in our minds, the question is that what we are going to do with it.

A slight frown, a tiny bit of lip-glitch, reaction of surprise, anger, disgust, fear or desire are strong indications for the person’s reactions, regardless of their intent to try to hide it.

Now as a politician makes more sense to use Botox or specific pills, so they act their pre-designed role without being triggered.

The power of the Process of Self-realization is to bring all back to Self and to see what’s self-honest and what not, to guide oneself through the sometimes definitely challenging dilemmas, choices and decisions by seeing any reaction, automatic response, triggered body movement, physical feeling and to understand why, what’s really happening.

Why is this important? Because it is not the default to always know and understand why do we feel and do the way we live and oftentimes people can be unaware of suppression, judgement or any form of self-limitation.

It is almost too natural to automatically blame, project, justify and delude ourselves and thus others that an individual with a healthy attitude must look for ways to become aware of these less obvious reactions and responses.

What I start to utilize from this is that when I realize that my face does some automatic movement, reaction, that I need to look into my head, quite literally to see what’s going on, what I react to and why.

One of my life-along journey is to decompose and stop suppression, meaning not to ‘live inside as in and as my mind and based on that react with physical actions’ but to express myself in and as physical movement, direction and clarity.

I forgive myself that I have not realized that there is suppression going on within myself and only catching it by feeling my body, my face moves, does involuntary reactions, such as tightening my lip, ticking somewhere, a muscle stretching BY a thought process or a specific emotional reaction.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to be intimate with myself on beingness, mind and body level to be aware of all internal processes, on the level of thoughts, feelings and emotions so then to see the motivation behind my decisions, choices and actions because being caught up in the preoccupation of those thoughts, feelings and emotions and their energetic reactions and to believe and act as this is who I am; instead of seeing and realizing that I primarily exist in my mind and thus being limited and not trusting and BEING truly physical here, but existing in and as this separation based on polarity and self-interest.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to be quite in my mind so then to see when any mind pattern or construct is being activated and how exactly I am limiting myself to my past, fears and self-limitations.

I forgive myself that I have not realized that my entire human physical body is here as the living expression of awareness, and the very fact that I am not aware of what is going on in it proves that I am separated from this opportunity and expression of living in awareness, thus the common sense solution is to de-prioritize my mind-related activities and literally spend more time in and as the body, here, with and as the physical and to realize that the mind is a tool, an organic machine which is already programmed and might not be – facts are proving that – it is not practical, self-honest or expressing what is best for all participants in my reality.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to be aware of my micro-expressions what indicate reaction, inner dialogue, friction or conflict wherein I preoccupy myself with the judgement, reaction and based on that I mis-perceive what is really going on here in reality.

I forgive myself that I have not realized that it is not to fight, hide or suppress my face, body’s reactions so then I can keep pretending that I am not reacting, but to utilize it to understand myself more in order to stop all bullshit.

I forgive myself that I have not developed a natural expression to discover and understand my face, body’s micro-expressions to expose self-dishonesty to be able to stop and change for good.

I forgive myself that I have not realized the importance of always being aware of what my body is showing to me in any given moment and that the very fact of not being aware of it indicating that I need to STOP and decompose the patterns I participate, such as emotions, thoughts and feelings, being specific to WORD my experience, NAME the pattern and understand the construct.

I forgive myself that I have not realized what are the signs my body showing when I am participating in self-suppression and self-denial through self-judgement and self-dishonesty and thus

I commit myself to develop a practical skill to utilize my human physical body’s reactions and involuntary, automatic movements, signs to see when I am being dishonest, how I am doing it so then I can become aware of how to stop such patterns.

I commit myself to focus on my direct physical expression, movement and action instead of thinking and reacting in my head by believing that it is a safe and useful virtual space to live within and also committing myself to make accumulative effort to bring myself back here into direct physical presence and action and to utilize my mind as a tool to reveal or understand things FROM the starting point of absolute self-honesty.

I commit myself to see what is causing me to suppress and not move, express and to dismantle all the judgement systems within me so then I can become more direct and physical living expression unconditionally.

I commit myself to make notes and word down the points I discover during being aware of what my body is showing to me so then I do not forget, I do not time-loop.

This point opened up during my recent commitment and application of fine-tuning and changing my body posture, how I stand, how I sit, how I walk and how I do not allow to ‘swallow’ my chin but to push it forward to assist and support my birthing as life from the physical.
It is still not ‘satisfying’ and becoming default to not being compromised how I exist and express myself in and as my body, thus this process continues, meanwhile also working through the resistances, excuses and judgments.

Once discovering more, will continue sharing about this.

I also just realized the whole series of BODY LANGUAGE interviews at EQAFE focusing on this topic, so will listen them to see what I can utilize during this process of realization.

Day 416 – Selfie judgments

PSX_20190411_160128In reflection of my several last posts:

My recent times were quite busy that sometimes had to drop the re-designing, stopping application for what I am changing within myself, however in overall the “self-soldiering”, as I named the mind-pattern has reduced significantly. At times when I find inner conflict, I rather stop, take some deep breaths and to see how can I find the practical solution.
When I can’t find the best approach in one ‘sit’ – I let it go, if makes sense, I make notes and will find it next time.

This seems odd that such normal application has to be pronounced, yet what often can happen is that a person is fully capable of making good decisions when it’s about work, navigating in the world system (buying/registering/taxing cars for instance) yet when it is about SELF HERE in living application in terms of self-honesty, mind-patterns and mind-constructs – a person just takes everything granted and accepting their faith.

Within spirituality – which I am enjoying to clarify – ‘I am not spiritual’ – meaning I do not hold onto anything from this world, knowledge and vocabulary of spirituality in order to focus to become a better version of myself every day.
I find spirituality, such as religions as well a plus, extra construct to utilize and thus creates self-separation, cognitive dissonance and more mind-work, in terms of thinking, emotions and feelings – instead of directly focusing on LIVING WORDS in and as the physical.

Recently was a cool challenge/share in the desteni facebook group about people share a picture of themselves and others share what do they see, “feel”.

It’s a cool play as one has to cross-reference the things being said about oneself and also cool to see how the mind can have a tendency to categorize the other’s comments as ‘positive’ – ‘negative’; or even neutral.

Also during the photo taking application I was focusing on what is going on in my head.

So this post should be about that from now on.

When I took the picture, I was trying to push my chin out as much as I can as in general that’s what I am busy working with. Oftentimes finding that when I pull back into my mind and becoming suppressive, reactive, passive, my chin is a bit pulled back and this is like that since childhood and realized this I can and thus should change.
I also think – based on my observation and judgement of myself – that I am more attractive when my chin is more forward, which is kind of ridiculous and something to re-align with to not get trapped into another self-defining and thus self-limiting construct based on self-interest.

Self-interest is an interesting concept as if self is identified and recognized as all as one as equal as life – and one indeed acts based on what’s best for all participants, then even this term can be re-defined in the greater good.

In this sense that to be perceived as more attractive can become one’s interest with which de-prioritizing real values and priorities in this world.

In this sense the character I was within was to not only pretend but embody strength, stability and playfulness and openness.

Usually I do not give much attention to the immense amount of selfies I encounter on social media – something I should look at why being annoyed if someone posts a portrait of themselves multiple times a day – although I have very specific and refined purpose for using and sharing social media, which is to find and share self-supporting posts, mostly from desteni communities but sometimes also about the world, in general.

Not the action is what can be ‘uncool’ as here ‘taking selfies’ – thus basically me ignoring those shares of others, but also when they share what is the point they are looking at while doing it can make a huge difference.
Of course, also can be that people working on themselves – to liberate oneself from the ego and not doing it in the name of vanity, just when they do not say a word, it can be challenging to ‘judge’ – hehe – such a word.

So yes, definitely a selfie is something what one also can utilize to decompose and release self-delusions, if self-honesty, supportive tools and application is applied (such as the LITE course) or in general writing, sounding self-forgiveness to take responsibility.

Thus, proceeding with my self-forgiveness in reflection to selfies, judgement and reactions to transform my standing and movement into clarity with alignment to what’s best for all participants in my reality.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself based on how I look and how I perceive myself automatically without questioning my judgement and also without fully understanding why I do what I specifically do in that reaction.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to experience the reaction to my self-judgement of feeling attractive in order to stimulate myself into an energetic state of self-acceptance based on a picture presentation of myself.

I forgive myself that I have not realized the common sensical benefit of utilizing pictures such as to discover mind-patterns and self-judgement to understand and liberate myself from them, or to find unhealthy or unpractical physical postures I accept myself to exist within; instead of straighten my back, pulling back my shoulder, pushing out my chest and putting my chin up in a structured support for me being present, directive and stable unconditionally.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as posing when, after a while spending time without being in a healthy physical posture, that I am overdoing it, thus feeling awkward and again – unnatural, unhealthy and not realizing that this overdoing is coming from my mind to compensate what I have accepted and allowed to do, and thus wanting it to undo, more than it is required – and thus exposing the polarity construct within my mind of negative and positive, being addicted to positivism and avoidance, suppression or even becoming paranoid of negativity, whereas practical common sense is to simply re-align into healthy posture without any reaction.

I forgive myself that I have not realized that the strive to be judged as being attractive is due to lack of self-respect, self-love, self-care and self-honesty, thus anytime discovering this need, strive or desire, it is to recognize the opportunity to embrace and practically love myself ; also by realizing that if I rely on others to make me judge myself that I am attractive, I will be always the slave for my own mind-compass, which makes me feel good or bad based on the already accepted and repeated mind-patterns and constructs.

I forgive myself that I have not realized that although it is supportive to utilize my physical body to stabilize and emphasize my physical presence, it is not posture what defines, liberates or directs me but myself from within.

I forgive myself that I have not realized that posture is also an expression and reflection of who I am within as life within self-honesty, thus with this to assist and support myself to balance out the physical application with self-honest approach, application and awareness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge others who constantly taking photo of their face, body to share as in fact I might not really know what’s going on with them, what’s the purpose or starting point, in overall their process, thus rather focusing on what I can change and take responsibility for, which is myself here.

I forgive myself that I have not realized the nature of my mind as picture-oriented and sometimes judging myself being ugly, while sometimes judging myself being nice and not realizing that these are inflations of my lack of self-trust and self-honesty and thus they are great opportunity to understand more, stop these patterns and develop consistency and effectiveness within my every day applications.

I see, realize and understand that picture is part of current world system interaction, especially pictures of ourselves thus I do not judge, I do not categorize, do not blame but to see what delusions as reactions I still accept automatically and to focus on stopping, re-aligning, changing to become more grounded, present and directive within the application of what is best for all participants, including myself here without any suppression, overdoing or obsession.

I commit myself to continue re-aligning and finding ways to support my process of self-realization within self-honesty and self-forgiveness through physical body awareness and postures in a self-supportive, natural and patient, confident way as often unpractical, unhealthy postures, such as lump, pulled in chin or shoulder, chest indicates suppression and preoccupation in the mind.