Image from game DOOM
Just watched a video interview with Tormod, who has an incredible blog called
A schizophrenic’s journey from consciousness to awareness.
I know Tormod personally and he had quite a rough past in his life struggling with schizophrenia,- until he has found the tools, techniques, study material, courses and community of Desteni.
Since then, he has been accumulating self-directed change and substantiation of his mind patterns and constructs to transform into living self-expression and in fact his life has became much more stable, enjoyable and quite honorable since then. Highly recommended to read/watch his sharings:
Walking desteni I process with schizophrenia
Tormod mentions that in a way, we all are schizophrenic as each of us having these thought processes, patterns, internal conversations, automatic judgments, categorizations, self-definitions, convictions, emotions and feelings – the very programming of who we express and experience ourselves to be.
If I look at this world with common sense, there is no real unification, limitless physical integration of actual responsibility, what would entail all of us, humans here.
No one stands for all, everyone is divided into belief systems, convictions, fears, desires, delusions, more or less our lives have been conquered by our very own consciousness, which through we systematically keep separating ourselves from what is really here.
The actual human world system is the result of the accumulation of all the individuals, thus it is also common sense to acknowledge that we are all separated already within and with ourselves, with each other and in general from all life here.
Conflict is humanity’s main driving force, what often turns to aggression, domination and extermination. I am not talking about the rough and tumble play, what is everywhere, even with animals. Healthy competition, rewarding games are fine, but when it’s a race for one to win the lottery so to speak, then many can turn into monsters. I talk about hate, spite, sadism and ideological warfare.
The scarcity and delusion of limited resources, that only a handful can live in wealth makes everyone disregard all others naturally and within the frenzy of this survival instinct makes everyone blind from the facts here.
Yes, the resources, the physical is limited in a way on this ground and there is often not enough for many, yet we do not admit that some hoard and deny so much from all others.
Yes, the resources are limited, yet, if the circulation of energy, power, money, a.k.a real compassion would be more fluid, shared and distributed, then everyone would have abundance. Imagine if your brain would say – I like blood, oxygen, nutrition, I want to have it all – I do not care what the body will get, the arms, the legs, even the senses – that being will soon decay, no matter what. The blood must be flown through ALL of the body’s parts equally, to nurture and practically LOVE all it’s parts. How come we do not see this very analogy with our own body and the world system and money?
Everything turns into consciousness energy, from the physical substance with the humans, but that energy is not real, not here, it is an experience. Invigorating, for sure, yet it will not last. The actual investment human individuals and collective make is into this realm of mind con science uselessness system. The very design of thinking is the result and reason of our own suppressing limitation, wherein we can’t experience actual relationship with anything or anyone directly in and as the physical without participating within this polarity mind system, what people can’t let go of, because they feel protected, armored, weaponized against the odds of this cruel world, thus the separation, split from common sense prevails. Anywhere we go, there will be someone’s interest not to want us to go, thus everything is just recycle of what has always been existing already. This image is just a very sarcastic example, but it is true:
That is why humans in general do not have yet actual power to change.
When I mention Change, what I really mean is self-directed, responsible, all-encompassing change. What is best for all almost seems like some scrappy catchphrase from a cult’s wacky holy book, yet why do we associate to that, when the words themselves are also common sense?
Isn’t it, because we are contaminated with our own limited perception, based on our own self-interest, divided by the polarity of good and bad, convinced by a logic, which is biased by our own self-accepted and justified limitation? Programmed by our parents, their parents, their parent’s parents;- endless generations of indoctrination.
I just talked with a good friend of mine. She does not like Christmas, as it’s upon us now again, yet she will do it for her children. So as her parents, her parent’s parents. Sure, it’s fun, you get gifts, people come together, eat and rest, etc. But only, who have money. Who does not, they do not have Santa coming down the chimney. Sure, there is charity, giving gift packages to the poor, so we can feel good about ourselves, but nothing changes on the greater scale.
From time to time we can observe people appearing in the world, just one person, bringing about something new, a change about something specific – an inventor, a composer, a philosopher, a politician, a teacher, an artist, etc.
Why not everyone or anyone can become unique yet obviously impactful in this world?
Why do we all are constantly preoccupied with our own thoughts, feelings, emotions to the level of never breaking through from the safe, yet common limitations?
Everyone believes that without emotions and feelings we are just organic robots, no humane spirit, yet not emotions and feelings give true power to us, but only, when we are able to LIVE WORDS without self-limitations. No polarity, no self-interest, no hidden agenda. We all know how ruined a person can become without proper care, fun, education and practical love – so difficult to deal with them as they just take whatever they can, without any remorse or compassion. The awful consequences these people can create for everyone, let’s say mass shootings, serial killers, etc – yet we are not able to change the system what keeps resulting in such atrocities. Theoretically we are all unlimited potentials, yet in one a million(or much more) it can happen that someone truly breaks through self-limitations. And then we point to genes, illusionary friends, the government.
This world, as it’s current physical form, as we experience it is in fact limited, no doubt, the resources, the dimensions, the manifesting consequences – in a way being exact, measurable: physical, real.
It is a common misconception that this physical reality is confined, imprisoning, limiting – which sounds almost like an un-admitted blame to me – “I am not limited, I am not responsible, this world, someone else is!” – “I am infinite and free spirit, yet this world is limiting me, this world system is imprisoning me; our own human physical body is confining us!”, etc. Popular, common perception, no doubt.
I used to exist like that, for a loooooong time! Yet, not anymore, since about a decade.
It’s the same when someone creates something – an artist, a builder, a gardener, an engineer: it is not the tool what limits my living/creation, but who I am within that expression.
An example: painting – we used to do a lot of artistic explorations after university with my friends. One of us came from art school background, he helped us to learn the tools, the techniques, encompassing with a vision. In particular, I loved to paint, impressionism has always been very close to me. Yet I used to believe, what limits me is the quality of the paint colors I’ve bought, the quality of my brushes, the paper or canvas, thus I kept aiming for the best available. I worked in an art supplier shop for a while, thus it was affordable, so I followed my reasoning to the utmost. Just to make sure, this is not limiting me.
There was a time, when without my fancy racoon-fur brushes I just did not even enjoy painting!
Eventually my friend, with the art school background, he said to me – it does not matter – you can even use your own finger with any type of color directly, the fancy tools are handy, but do not ever project your own limitation to the tool itself! By looking at those magnificent paintings in museums, created centuries ago – what technology, tools they had comparing to us?
Same happened with me when I have embarked to learning/writing music. I have bought one of the most expensive and ridiculously capable external sound adapters(sound card), composition software, quality synthesizers, drums, guitar, speakers, gadgets, cables, etc; what, on my level did not really matter!
In a way, I always knew that, yet to prove that to myself, I needed to obtain the best available, and yet struggling with creation of these art forms, and then, eventually to let that sink in that, yes, I am allowing myself to be limited, not the tools.
It was almost like I always knew that not the tools limit me, yet I needed to prove that to myself – I just could not birth enough self-honesty to directly answer this question, needed to walk the long and hard way to figure out, when I had all, yet I still got stuck, then I needed to let it to sink in and eventually committing myself to walk the Desteni I Process Pro online course, which is specifically designed for transcending these type of self-limitations, self-delusions, self-suppressions. It is the best! And while walking specific type of self-limitations to change starting to realize that this is the same with everything of me, not just art as a hobbi.
Same with all of our potential, each of us – there is no such thing as special, yet this whole world system currently has been built to make us believe that some are more equal than the others, just, because some are more efficient, rich, unrestricted or even lucky with their living expression.
For myself, back to the schizophrenia point, needed to admit that what has been accepted within myself, this mind consciousness engine running, that I limit myself with.
To really acknowledge that I am extremely limiting myself through and AS my mind, who I perceive myself to be, was quite a painful process, because as soon one really stands into that realization – there is no more blame, projected responsibility OUTSIDE of SELF – all is me, who I am is all, what is here with and around me.
Why I am sure that everyone is schizophrenic in this regard? Because we are not yet reaching the actual unification as all as one in a practical, effective measurement within creation. Within just ourselves, as someone, as a person to become ‘whole’. Of course, not literally independent from anything, yet self-reliable and self-trustworthy at least.
Might be critical to admit, we are all in the same boat, and until all are not free, no one is truly free. And if we accept ourselves and each other to be enslaved by internal mind, or external world systems – that is on us.
Is it not schizophrenic to be consumed by greed to a level of polluting our environment, to accept and protect slavery, exploitation and wars for some surreal level of profit? We literally fight and kill ourselves, not only humans, but animals, plants, the very potential of our living, breathing essence. Until we can’t stop it spiraling out, until the majority does not stand up to change from within, that is truly schizophrenic.
Even in the definition from dictionary, wikipedia:
Other symptoms may include false beliefs, unclear or confused thinking,
hearing voices that do not exist, reduced social engagement and emotional
expression, and lack of motivation.
People with schizophrenia often have additional mental health
problems such as anxiety, depression, or substance-use disorders.
Is it not confused, unclear, false thinking that it is acceptable to live with rape, murder, war, exploitation, poverty, extinction, economic or literal slavery?
Are not we lacking motivation to stand up to these sick symptoms we all accept as ‘human nature’?
Do we not regularly stimulate ourselves with gadgets, gizmos, entertainment, movies, sports, alcohol, drugs, sex, invisible gods and illusionary friends?
Are not we all responsible for all the children to come to this earth, vulnerable, innocent expression of life, what do we expose them to become in this human system?
So easy to slip down into blaming politicians, rapists, capitalists or even parents, teachers, celebrities, our bosses or even ourselves! Yet that road only leads to further self-separation within our own mind, onto further self-disempowerment, because until we stop blaming, we do not take responsibility for who we are here.
I had quite a struggle in my younger years due to my mind, thoughts, emotions going almost insane from time to time due to my indoctrination into self-judgment, self-doubt, self-suppression and self-hate – and these patterns only can exist through the systematic participation and self-identification of thoughts, feelings and emotions.
How to approach this HUGE challenge ahead – and within – ourselves? Certainly not with fighting, resisting, denying – I’ve done that, it does not work.
I have mastered self-distraction from my self-honesty points, what are always here to mirror who I accepted myself to be, when I compromise myself, others, when I justify delusion and self-interest, when I distract with addiction to entertainment, energy, stimulation for instance.
That silent whisperer advocate within our head, the strange experience of thinking is really a computer program, I am telling you.
Since my childhood, I’ve been studying, working with computers, programming languages, various sized systems, wherein we animate these complex systems to behave, adapt and serve specific purposes.
Self-driving cars, trains, trucks and ships making literally thousands of decisions per second based on their pre-programmed design. Same as humans.
Look at religious fundamentals – they really do believe that they are the chosen nation while all others are here just to serve their purposes.
Same way, these capitalist moguls, CEO-s, dictators – they are all fully convinced that what they do and represent is the right thing to do – yet from a more objective perspective, it’s so easy to expose their biased, twisted self-interest.
Same with nazis, racists, zionists, etc – they are living in a constant mind-consciousness frenzy, wherein there is me, us and them – separation. Projecting out their own judged as bad personality to others.
Then there is the conflict between these perceived separated aspects, when we struggle between good and evil, laziness and productivity, selfishness and selflessness, bravery and cowardliness, etc…
These conflicts only can exist through the systematic manifestation of our mind consciousness system, what has the building blocks of thoughts, feelings, emotions, complex, multi-layered mind patterns and constructs.
That was, and still, every day is my location of self-honesty in this life, that to answer to myself and all life, am I honest with myself, am I compromising, am I consumed with self-interest, do I give into fear of loss?
We all believe that ‘my own self-limitation’ is only my own business, that is ‘my freedom’ and everyone has the right to choose to not only limit, but suffer as well. Yet we are not yet admitting that nothing is truly separated as all manifesting consequences are accumulating on the truly and undoubtedly shared one physical level with all equally.
If I spill poisonous chemical into this lake, I might kill all animals and plants in it. Of course, nothing is final, yet these kind of consequences are truly permanent, at least for a long while.
Thus, anyone does not want or can’t comprehend, care, embrace this simple fact in my view is schizophrenic, deluded, lost in oblivion. Not forever, yet might not be that obvious how long or what this will bring next.
When I was harassed by my own thoughts, feelings, emotions, when I was literally abused by my own self-judgments, self-cruelness, I was totally lost, I was always searching the meaning, the truth, out there, in the world, someone or something to tell me what to do, who I am, because I just did not feel stability, consistency and that is no fun at all.
Sure, there are people in this world with unwavering confidence, ability to express, create and change – yet the majority is trapped within their own mental and emotional loops.
We can even look at it like there are eras, ages of humans, let’s say industrial era, information era; yet what still has to come, it is emerging nowadays is the era of unification, responsibility, awareness of all life equally.
Whenever I am thinking, I am schizophrenic. I do not know myself, I think myself. If I would know myself, I would not stop for thinking for a split second, I would directly express and live!
If I need to FEEL love, I am not LIVING love, I am utilizing my mind, it’s positive and negative polarity-based interest system to help me to automatically decide how to and what to feel within what situation, how and why.
Like the soldier veterans, returning from the hell of war, from Vietnam, Iraq, Afganistan, Syria, etc – there is often something broken inside of them, the ability for compassion, trust and vulnerability, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder.
In a way, we all are like them, they are just advanced within this exposure of hell, what catalyzes the mind to accumulate it’s effect on the human being.
Schizophrenic people – same – – – their mind is not just one entity with one major personality, but more, so the internal conflict is just more brutal, thus they lose their direction, effectiveness to manage, stabilize their own relationship with their mind, thus often required chemical(medicine) support to stabilize them.
In a way, it’s the same with hobbies, entertainment, addiction, conviction for various activities.
I used to take psychedelic drugs, that seemed to be remediating my almost schizophrenic experiences within me, the constant battles of internal thought processes have faded, almost melted into this one blob of all-encompassing white light experiences, wherein I stopped existing as conflict, but a sort of oneness. It seemed like something from the next possible level of existence as a human, because I did not have the doubt, the fear, the emotional, mental and physical pain for a while.
What I did not realize is that I did not transcend my mind, my limitations, I just have completely amalgamated myself with it without resistance, thus literally became the systematic aspect of myself, that is the unity, oneness experience people have on these psychedelic, shamanic, mystical drug or religious, trance, etc experiences.
Almost like, when we sometimes observe children, or schizophrenic people regressing into catatonic mind and body patterns.
People are so worked up with all the labeling and judging them – for instance many attack religious people, for their religious rituals, experiences, thinking minds; yet no one admits when watching Star Wars or Joker, it is a religious experience; dancing, clubbing, fucking, anything in this world is a SELF-RELIGION if not lived in and as the physical as the actual, real and only substance of LIFE as all as equal as one.
Why do I need to THINK that this is a CHAIR, when it is a chair? Don’t I know that it is a chair? Don’t I know what’s it’s purpose or how to use it? Why don’t I trust myself to KNOW already what’s here and what I’m capable of? Why do I need mental cane to navigate through the unknown of each upcoming moments?
That’s why was to me, psychedelic drug interesting as it had the ability to take away this addiction to the thin-king mind. It screws you other ways, no doubt, yet that can be the scary factor as it is very distinct of humans, who would even dare to take such substance, not out of desperation and their life being an utter failure, at least on experience level, but out of curiosity, the temptation of what’s more in this life, beyond this conscious experience.
In my view, all is catatonic, hypnotic trance, even what humans refer as LOVE – it is a preoccupied mind consciousness system-generated experience, as let’s answer this: How can true LOVE be limited, and if can not be, then why always, our love needs to have a subject?
The interesting point about the human personality itself is that if one stops participating in it, it all fades away. Not that every day we die as EGO is much relevant, but rather the fact that every day we RE-ANIMATE it again as we can’t exist without the mind constructs. Just like the idea of love is the answer – yeah, sure. What love?
Of course, I also used to believe, I love everyone, everything and that’s it. Total delusion.
Let’s bring in some art: Freelove, just like Depeche mode sings about –
We’ve been running from love
And we don’t know what we’re doing here
We’re only here
Sharing our free love
Let’s make it clear
That this is free love
No hidden catch
No strings attached
This song talks to me loudly. I know, it might seem with this I just prove the opposite what I’ve been writing thus far – yet for me it is exactly the same. How come?
Running from love what’s the actual true nature and limitation with(in) and as our mind consciousness system.
We do not know what we’re doing here as we do not grasp the true consequences of our self-limited actions
We’re only here – all, equally, no exception, we are just HERE
So how to align ourselves, how to make ourselves more clear to Share our free love?
No hidden catch, no secret, thinking mind, no attachment through the relationship matrices of our consciousness system.
So, this time making my point with a song, let’s bring another:
Imagine there’s no countries
It isn’t hard to do
Nothing to kill or die for
And no religion, too
Imagine all the people
Sharing all the world
You, you may say I’m a dreamer
But I’m not the only one.
Check out Desteni community, it is an extremely strong group since a dozen years within it’s core values, what is to take full responsibility for all, who we exist here as life.
Within birthing ourselves as less and less limited by our own mind, this is quite tangible and realistically accumulative process, do not get me wrong, this is not spiritual, this is even transcending that pattern of this world.
If it is something what is calling you, if you get tired of all the bullshit and are ready to really find actual, true, practical freedom with and as self and all, then enjoy to walk the Journey to Life as it is almost never too late to start doing so. Almost. EVERY ONE standing up adds to the world, never underestimate, even the slightest self-honest action!
I know, this is not the usual self-introspective ‘walk through and realize’ stuff, but this time it is what I express. Thank you very much.