Day – 289 – Breathe, like never before


Anybody can find explanations of the rewards of ‘be with and as breath here‘, to stabilize oneself from the busy life we constantly chase(or being chased by) every day.

There is this comic guy(recently in movies too), Hulk, who is constantly getting angry and when he really does, he transforms into a huge, strong, raging green monster what cannot be stopped from mass destruction all over.

I could compare myself and in fact all humans to this example of what’s happening in our minds, wherein if I am not applying the breath here, I am getting into my mind and thus more and more separating my perceived experience and expression from the physical body, presence, direct HERE-ness, from where actually reality, the others, animals, plants, the whole planet is.

Through my mind’s interpretation I am individual, separated and have my own interest to take care for, a consciousness system, which have been evolving since long-long time and has been mesmerized with knowing and understanding, which should be questioned, as not being actually true.

Through the mind’s interpretation, which is similar to science, it’s always relying to observation influenced by the observer, even if we directly participate within experiences, then often afterwards defining, judging, categorizing, labelling, conditioning, relating and systematizing, well: quite automatically.

Live and trust in and as the moment, the now and give up fear and even hope and you find deeper understanding” is a typical new age slogan, probably 3/4 of any book store has at least one spirituality shelf of these suggestions, however when an ordinary human tries to apply this simple direction; well, even that attempt will mostly ‘happen‘ through and as this mind consciousness system, based on initial judgement, desire, fear or hope, which is not beyond polarity, infested with pure self-interest.
Sounds harsh, to label ‘goodwill‘ people as of imbued with self-interest, but the equation is simple to measure facts: am I standing up to all as equal as one as life here unconditionally, or I am only investing care into selected ones by my disregard ‘in the rest’?

Let me further specify by explaining ORDINARY here by defining what is beyond that: it takes extraordinary applied amount of self-honesty to not only consider to live really free in the moment according to my interest only, but also finding and living the practical ways to take responsibility for all we can live up to.
To face each and every single judgement, desire, fear and hope one can find within self to be able to not just understand, but understand deeply and detail-specifically enough to be aware of why it’s self-delusion to exclude, to justify, to accept such a limitation, the self-dishonesty, so then it would come as practical common sense to naturally make the decision and stand to stop and change.

The importance here is the specificity and the consistency, because it’s not possible to let go or stop something within me what I am not aware of, or not aware of the details of it, the very creation and in fact re-creation of how I am responsible for this particular self-limitation.

That’s why I have found the spiritual ways as flawed, imperfect and in fact deceiving, because they all praise about the great things, but their methods are biased, infused with polarity, self-separation, or if not, then they mostly lack specificity.

There are ‘ways’, when they focus on ‘not to think’, ‘for body awareness’, or even utilizing philosophical logic to mentally overcome constructs in the mind, and I am sure there are cool ways, what can be proven to be effective and supporting, however I consider myself lucky as already found a group, courses and a community where the mind, self and creation can be studied, applied and shared within a disciplined, principled, consistent, stable and accumulative, thus measurable way within self-honesty.

Self-honesty is the compass which through I can sail through all the inner and external constructs of reality without losing direction, integrity and stability, because it can be very simple, if I commit myself to not lie to myself any more.

It does not mean it’s going to be easy, especially by considering to face all previously accepted limitations to become aware of, the consequences and the actual responsibility to take to really change.

I find this quality, skill and natural expression of common sensical self-honesty to be extraordinary if lived directly in the ‘moment’, in the flesh without the interpretations, categorizing and biased starting points from the logical, conscious mind.

It’s like I am becoming aware of my human physical body, as a living organism, made of physical substance, which is awareness, life itself and the moment I stop separating myself from ‘it’ – I am starting to explore a more direct way to live.

Yes, it’s more vulnerable as well, because I do not feel myself as separated as through the many layers of the mind, thus pain can be more direct and real, but also enjoyment and self-expression too.

And it’s not just about the body, such as one then goes to workout or to ‘know kung fu‘. It requires more than that, the full beingness, not just to disregard the mind, but to embrace it, to understand it’s limitations and to walk with and through them, by understanding who I am today and how I can have much more potential if not limiting myself with specific fears, desires.

Even if, let’s say I focus on sports, physical activities, dance, martial arts, but with the starting point of ideas, expectations, desires, fears, superimposed, inflated, infused with thoughts, feelings and emotions, energetic experiences, then although I might become skilled, more directive, agile, strong, fast and powerful – I am still not the ONE breath, but utilizing it, instead of BE with and as the body and thus this is still not AWARENESS, but only programmed consciousness.

See, consciousness is a limited system, although it’s very sophisticated, and humanity’s current ‘character’ is still identifying itself with it, that is not self-honest and neither our fullest potential. Rather it’s a manifested consequence of all the decisions, actions and perceptions we ended up with through the idea of separation, self-dishonesty and abdication of self-responsibility as collective of individuals, all as equal as one.

This means that we are unable to really see, feel and be aware of what is really here, because we are actually not HERE with our breath, with the substance as awareness directly, but we USE, SUPPRESS or CONTROL our breath, our body, our perceptions of who we think we are, but within that not realizing that the mind consciousness must be investigated, understood and have to let go.

Although it might seem as impossible to exist without thinking, without this apparent ‘gift’ of comprehending with thoughts, duality of positive and negative, the abstraction and virtual imagination, the conscious mind is very limited within it’s own design and we do not see it as we are conditioned to see through and as it, therefore the only way to debunk, expose and reveal it’s limitation is by applying self-honesty within the active research of how we actually operate on daily basis.

To be honest with myself within situations where I can directly see why I react like this, what is the reason I said that, felt this way, and to question: am I limited, am I lying to myself in order to not take responsibility for the possible best outcome within a situation to avoid consequences I perceive as unwanted?

All the thought patterns, thinking, judgement, comparison, association and vivid imagination is to justify what I experience, say and do, and no matter what, I am right. Or if not, then to explain why not.

Or to explain why not being right about why I am not right. Or whatever, it is the web of justifications and excuses by the total hypnosis of self-interest what I am being imprisoned within, compelled by the horror of fear of loss, regardless of it’s scale – from the fear of losing my ‘positive experience induced by not having pain’, or ‘fear from being homeless’ to ‘fear from losing my sanity’, ‘fear of my family would get hurt’, ‘my child would think I do not love him if I don’t do this or that’, or whatever one can identify as ‘fear losing’ or ‘fear to experience’.

For me, interestingly the fear of failure, fear of eternal fall, the fear from insanity and the fear from running out of time was mostly prominent, this might vary for everyone, but the basic construct is the same for all. Also the physical reactions, the energetic experiences, the internal or external trigger points what with we can be conditioned to automatically react. That one has to be specifically aware of, to become ‘more fast’ than the mind, to be able to breath presence and awareness before the automated reaction, what would make one to be trapped into an endless loop of ‘groundhog day’.

During self-inducing and experiencing fear, I am suppressing to BE breath, I am listening to the thought, inducing this energetic experience of anxiety, fear, which then can easily can escalate into anger, hatred – regardless of it’s target – myself or others, imaginary(religion for instance) or physically existing beings.

Interestingly, even desire can become a manifestation of fear, when for instance I am totally preoccupied, possessed by wanting something or someone, fear from losing, wherein in fact I might just fear from facing myself ‘losing’ what I defined that I would not like, because the resulting experience for me would be somewhat uncool, or my self-identification to oppose something perceived as negative is relying to my maintained relationship to the subject of my desire; therefore it’s in my interest to not to lose that subject of my desire. Many can declare this as some sort of love, but I’d rather not do that.

Many people can find themselves among so many manifested consequences what are not so good for them, for others around them, and thus can decide or being pushed to some kind of re-mediation, recovery or re-alignment, with what somehow can find a better quality of living in terms of becoming more simplified without so many fears and desires, endless rushes of thoughts and up-and down waving emotional storms. Often people has to fall, hit the ground, rock bottom hard to realize, but some also can figure it out – it does not matter on the greater scale, but on individual level, sure.
Even our mind’s self-limited pre-programmed setup is on the exact level of those manifested consequences and self-dishonesties we accepted and allowed, thus everyone should embrace that without judging or start comparing one’s own process of self-realization, because some walks slower, some might have to get more punches, but we all walk the same, so one should focus on self first, and when finding balance, stability, integrity to start sharing and dealing with external responsibilities, what definitely will appear, once one starts to grasp self-direction within effective and aware breathing.

See, breathing is not just a tool what can be applied to stabilize, calm and re-align our mind to presence, but breath is the most direct and immediate link to what it means to really live here. The art is not within equalizing the mind, but to see, feel, and experience beyond it’s limitations, which is, quite frankly: most liberating.
So it’s time to reveal, decompose and let go any definitions, judgments, comparisons, reactions in relation to breath, breathing, presence, the physical and especially expose and transcend any inferiority/superiority construct about consciousness versus physical and to be able to embrace, direct, express and live self as one here as equal with breath.

I will continue to explore about breathing as what’s better than explaining the process? Walking, sharing and living it!

In the meantime I suggest to create some minutes for self to just be, breathe and observe the mind, not to resist or fight it, but also not to get directed by it. And it’s cool if one makes notes, writes down observations, insights, because writing is really supporting if applied within self-honesty, meaning I write about myself, not the neighbor, the prime minister or the girlfriend. Those can be trigger points maybe for my experiences, reactions, but the only way to gain directive power if I work with what’s here: self.

Day 288 – Presence exploration share

This is rather an experimental approach on sharing, maybe too personal, but I find these mini-sessions ‘with me’ supportive.


I find myself here.

I have a direction, but not too obsessive, but kind of enthusiastic. I have a focus here, feeling, hearing the breath, but not becoming preoccupied with it’s sensation.
I feel the gravity, the points of my body being supported by the chair I am sitting within, my sole too, but it’s balanced out with my straightening effort to keep me vertical.

I merely observe this phenomenon that I am here, no tiredness, no worry, no desire in particular, the only thing what I see within is this silent initiation from which I express, move out here directly.

I still feel that there are layers behind of this dark point my expression emerges from, as I can sense some conscious participation in the mind, but at this moment it’s all right. I am not here to judge, but explore, embrace and discover.

What reaction I can already expose is this weird sensation, faithful conviction of that this presence, moment, expression and experience is significant and fragile.

Sometimes I just find myself totally dropping all my personality and be within this presence. It’s shy, humble and light, but accumulates each time surfacing into ever greater self-trust and physical direction.

This used to be quite scary, dreadful, horrifying experience, back there, when I was experimenting with the no judgement, and used to take massive amount of psychedelics to suppress my ability to judge and define, but after a while I also had to realize that this also suppressed my deepening of understanding of actual self-sabotage required to take initiative to stop and change the actual self-suppression I’ve defined myself to be who I am.

I am ready to die, am I? I am letting go everything I have, I did, said, felt and experienced. I do not need anything.

Yes, but…

No. I am here.

I do even stop from time to time within writing this as finding proper English words. Why do I write in this language, in my first language, I would be much more fluid, effective. but I want more people to be able to possibly reach. It’s alright for now.

There was a slight moment of reaction of what if I stop, I lose the momentum, the presence, the gentle yet firm direction of me being here, with basically no chance to be distracted from this self-respect, and by that I could just go into this inner mini-battle of taking myself apart with cold thinking of ‘if I worry of losing it, then I already lost it, never even had’.

And I recognize the pattern, I stop, and I re-align.

I forgive myself for allowing myself to doubt myself, to not name, word the origin, the relationship of this doubt, but reacting to it, following it and giving up presence and direction without actually considering what would be the solution for this fear to dissolve, stop, remove and transcend.

I do even say this aloud to feel the words, to speak, to be the words and be the sounding of this expression. Within sounding it, I see that the sentence required one more word, so adding it. Then I say it aloud again. I feel that there is energetic movement within my body, I say it again and focusing to this energy, to what word it originates from and why…

Yes I see it now, the specificity. I need to be more specific, like also to see the tendency where my reaction would take me, want to specify to also see and be able to mark with another self-forgiveness, to be absolutely sure that I am aware of not just the trigger point, but also the pattern of this and it’s consequence, so then I can ensure that next time I recognize that it’s in fact best to avoid this pattern.

This can go on for a while, there are hundreds of patterns within the mind, intertwined, interconnected and interdependent with many more and I have to be able to sail through with sane, present and directive self-movement without being washed away from what I face, discover.

Writing is great, I always can stop and take a breath, feel it, the physical, the gravity, the senses and when I am ‘solid’ again, I continue, write more.

This is magic, alchemy at it’s best as the limit is only on me, because with writing I can not only understand but also change my own nature of who I am today. Step by step, word by word.

That’s why these Journey to Life blogs, for several years, many of us committed to write, share and walk the realizations into actual, physical change.

Feeling the throbbing of the blood in my palms when I stop, allowing the body to breathe, and I am in and as this breath.

I acknowledge the gift I give for myself to be with me in this moment and to see what is here, what’s up, what’s going on.

I look for tiredness, exhaustion, heaviness in the body and at the moment I do not feel it. I am free from it, so I look, where this ‘expected heaviness’ is coming from and I see memories coming up when I feel my palms being exhausted, tired of all the things I’ve done with it, when I was doing things I did not want to, but felt compelled, when I had stress and did not relax it for hours and days, and I feel in the muscles that it’s there, but at the same time not today, so I continue exploring.

I check my chest, what is causing me to sometimes feel this acidic experience, coming up from my stomach and it’s judgements and stress. That can cause to feel this out of balance experience and feeling like my body is burning, it should have this PH negative ‘force’ from somehow to balance out this energy, what influences me, pushes me, and it’s of fear, I see, when I worry of not being able to see how I am going to do what I would like, when I feel confined by the things I created in my life, then I can have this self-burning, self-eating, suppressing self-judgement energetic experience. But also, not today.

I do not feel the chest heaviness, it feels like there is this specific point where it would be a strong pressure point and I would feel like I am breathing through that narrow point, almost like I have to force my breath to have a ‘full breath’ experience and even sometimes feeling like the breath is stuck in my chest, so I have to ‘practice’ and ‘loosen up’ to be able to breath one good ‘sigh’.

This is also a memory, as I am breathing normally, yet I see this signature in my breath, it’s something I have to work actively on seeing all the patterns, dimensions and memories, word relationships, external situations and conditions specifically to un-learn this resonant anxiety and fear, to then being able to solve those problems within I can have these experiences.

Of course my situation is quite easy in terms of I do not live in a war-shattered city as many do in Syria for instance, I have food, shelter, work for money, even free time, but I do not compare, I do not judge, I rather embrace and acknowledge here.

I move my attention to my feet, my toes: one is resting on another, it seems comfortable at first, but as I spend more time, about several minutes, the one is holding the another’s weight starts to feel pressured, so it’s like one leg feels really comfortable, but another starts to feel equally uncomfortable. Interesting. I put them both on their soles and it’s immediately better. Although I feel that there is tension on my knees, so I just focus there, give them one-two breath attentions and now they are both relaxed. Great.

I feel this energy spreading on my lower spine, rather on the right side and I see, there was a slight moment of observing myself from a mental point of view, rather like a quick self-judgement of…maybe irony, but not real, rather as an aesthetic categorizing imagination of this being in a film scene and before defining it to be cool, I let it go, I breathe…

I feel my mouth and face frowned for a reason I am not entirely sure, so by acknowledging I am not aware of why I did, it’s almost like I could and should know, just at this moment apparently can’t word it out. And by acknowledging that acknowledging, I look up and take another big sigh.

See, this presence is like a meditation, a mind-serialization, when really slowing down to see the tremendous amount of processes one can easily be overwhelmed by and it’s just the first step to become aware of the mind and the fact that I am not always doing the best possible, or when I ‘think’ that I do, I also write down the reasons I would ‘believe’ that I do the best possible, and to see if those are excuses and justifications only or I am really, fully being aware of what and why I feel, think and do.
This is rather an exploration and a rant on presence, but I am sure you only can know yourself, when you are present, empty and embracing without any judgement. That’s what I suggest to explore. Well, it’s not always easy, but remember, whatever comes up, it’s you. Deal with it. See, decide, explore if you can live with it or you might find it as limiting/annoying or even self-deceiving – then you understand it more and stop it, change it, and thus you, bit by bit, breath by breath: changing yourself and with that the world! That’s THE Way. Enjoy.

Day 287 – Thoughts vs being HERE

talaprocessupdate-2016-10-16What it means to be radically self-honest to support myself in relation to automatically induced reactive thinking, what can be easily justified to remain within fear and limitation to protect my interest?
Why it is important to become aware of the specificity of how I am responsible for the perceived separation from the problems I face with the energetic experiences of thinking and emotional mind and how to start accumulate understanding for practical solutions to be applied physically here?

Here are the previous videos:

Study the mind and SELF and Life at

Free starter course for understanding:

Self-supporting audiobooks:

Journey to Life Blogs at:

School Of Ultimate Living (SOUL)

Day 286 – Letting go vivid mind thinking

talaprocessupdate-2016-10-15What was one of the most difficult things to let go when I started process of Self-honesty and thus realizing it was self-delusion and self-limitation.
The vivid imagination, constant and consistent self-stimulation might seem as not just cool, but important part of who I perceive myself to be, but it is often a distraction, an excuse to not to face the deeper, more significant and relevant things to take responsibility for.
To embrace what is here without the constant preoccupation of the mind consciousness system, a human can become much more capable of grasping what’s here, what’s relevant and what would be the best for all participant within this current scenario wherein all beings are equally here.

(Here is the previous video: )

Study the mind and SELF and Life at

Free starter course for understanding:

Self-supporting audiobooks:

Journey to Life Blogs at:

School Of Ultimate Living (SOUL)

Day 285 – Stopped psychedelics, Started Living

talaprocessupdate-2016-10-14I used to take spiritual and psychedelic ‘practices’ in order to find and know and change myself but I had to realize there is a much more direct and effective way to live transcendence.
What it means to be here and to see what’s relevant?


Study the mind and SELF and Life at

Free starter course for understanding:

Self-supporting audiobooks:

Journey to Life Blogs at:

School Of Ultimate Living (SOUL)

Day 284 – Walk the Physical Timeline

phstPhysical Timeline: What does it mean and how to utilize for self-support, stabilization and expanding responsibility?
Why its common sense to be aware of the things without any interpretations, connotation, judgement or belief and why it’s so difficult to live like that?

Just check out the other Journey To Life blogs where people walk their memories, their mind and changing their relationship with the words they are realizing that were based on fear, delusion:

Study Self and correct dishonesty at Desteni I Process:

FREE Self-honesty starter course: LITE

Self-supportive audiobooks at EQAFE:

Day 283 – Consciousness is less than we think

fraToday I reflect to this article I bookmarked quite some time before:

Consciousness has less control than believed, according to new theory

“Why do you have an urge or thought that you shouldn’t be having? Because, in a sense, the consciousness system doesn’t know that you shouldn’t be thinking about something,” Morsella said. “An urge generator doesn’t know that an urge is irrelevant to other thoughts or ongoing action.”

We say this since quite some years now – consciousness is a consequence of the separation from SELF as physical body presence through polarity, judgement and imaginary fear of loss – thus that’s the real limitation, that should be transcended by investigating our own relationships with the words we react to, we express…it’s common sense actually: how we would try to transcend what is constantly here as substance when we are even unable to understand and stop being limited by our own thoughts, feelings, images and waving emotions and to fully experience and express ourselves through and AS our human body, which is way more aware than our perception through the mind consciousness.
Even mind-blowing drug experiences cannot be trusted as only showing the system and it’s borders, not actual, real power of Self, which is Physical Living Words, what cannot be induced by anything else but decision, understanding, direction and expression as Self. So much to learn and unlearn…

Nothing is what it seems and this is specific to each individual equally – the more tempting to let go of something within your mind, life, which is not common sense, then it’s really great chance that you are conned by your own consciousness system in your mind, that’s a mechanism, not real self, not real at all, but superimposed, organic computer stuff, which sometimes can be handy, and also can be really-really deceitful, totally consumed by self-interest and also highly illogical, inefficient and really destructive if we follow it’s patterns blindly without stopping for a breath and considering what I am actually doing right now…

And this can be quite tricky, because the trend is to getting afraid of possible scenarios of Artificial Intelligence would take over or becoming more smart, do a quantum leap, a singularity, which actually nothing else, but our own mind consciousness system trying to evolve by actually fixing it’s limitations – totally externally, totally separated from self, from the physical, from human body, which might be the end of our path. Who knows? What I’ve found is that we can fix our own mind consciousness with Self-honesty, Self-correction, Responsibility, investigating, re-defining and changing our own relationships with our building blocks of life: words.

The more I am present, empty in my mind and whole, direct and physical so to speak, the more I can embrace, understand and see, feel and experience without the inner mind polarity-based interpretation, self-limitation of self-interest, fear and judgements.

This ‘knowledge’ is quite known since many-many years, yet really-really few people can really understand what it actually means to live like that and how to transform the current ‘human’ into this more direct, self-honest and actually life-aware beingness.

The scriptures, spiritual, religious books are full of contradictions, ignorance, darkness and even nastiness, and when about of actual, down to earth, practical methods, daily applications, they all rely on some belief, energetic accumulation or disregarding some aspects of the full spectrum of human existence.

I’d say, instead of exclusion, investigate all things and keep which is good, what is best for all participant, and that is not really difficult, only have to see the common denominator, what we all require to be supported on the physical level – food, shelter, water, education, health care, real connection, share and care. Which starts with what we have already here: ourselves, thus I start to care about my mind-consciousness – body relationship, my delusions, my fears, my limitations and understand them as who I am currently.
By becoming aware of what I have accepted to manifest as who I am today I acknowledge, but do not stop there, do not define as who I am, because I also see the potential of who I could be without fear, without self-interest, without the mesmerizing hypnotic trance of my thoughts and I decompose the patterns, I give a new chance for myself and thus I stop these patterns and explore what is beyond the consciousness system.

I’ve studied computer science, basically all my life working with programmed and programmable machines and also studied some fuzzy logic – which is word-rule-based system, what is used in machines already and that is also how a human mind is operating.
We keep saying that emotions are so damn valuable and the trademark of our ‘specialness’, which differentiates us from every animal, plant and machines, but if I really look at these also word-based, mostly systematic manifestations within the human mind consciousness – it’s not impossible to program such things, even by humans – it’s just a whole lot more complex and multidimensional system with much more data we ever dealt before in science. But look at the news, we are getting ‘there’ as already mentioned AI(Artificial Intelligence).
As time passes, the less will be needed for skills what we currently think as valuable today – machines take over factory, production, soon driving, transportation, farming, even applying law – the whole stock market is already running under A.I. control, and now military is joining, education, health care.
We are in the process of externalizing all aspects of human the mind consciousness system and then soon – apparently – nothing will remain as -sacred human value- what cannot be programmed into technology – maybe to just prove this very point that we are none of our dearly held values we imagine as who we think we are.

I am not against technology, hell no, but real awareness, actual care for LIFE – can be found if we, as organic human body beings start trusting to become with physical substance directly, without consciousness, without thoughts, not separated by words and reactions, but unified, become equal with the words we think, we say and express.

That is quite doable, I am part of this group, called Desteni, whereat individuals are understanding consciousness, it’s limitations, it’s programmability, it’s ‘place within our life’ and what is beyond that and how to learn and change our so-called ‘unchangeable’ human nature, which at the moment seems to be self-destructive.
The very fact that there are rarely human individuals who really care and consider the fact that our living environment we are destroying is a proof that they are identified and placed themselves within and as the consciousness, not here in and as Earth.
It’s not a judgement, but those who do not take responsibility for all what is happening on this planet, in this human-ruled system – are still in the self-limited hypnotic trance of consciousness systems and it’s not a game, each and every single human being is equally manifesting irreversible consequences in every second, thus it’s common sense to take responsibility also for those who are still trapped in the ‘won’t or can’t‘.

There is an online –free– course which can support with taking the first steps of understanding consciousness and to realize there is so much more beyond it…

So…investigate, be self-honest and blow your mind one breath- and step – at a time. Enjoy!